Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi everyone,
Part of this seems silly of me, but it still makes me feel uneasy, so would like others opinions on this one please.
My girlfriend whom I've been together with for 6 months, has been receiving gifts from her ex partner for occasions like Christmas, birthdays etc. When he sends the gifts, he does it on behalf of the two year old child that they have together. When this first happened at Christmas, it was a £100 voucher, I instantly felt jealous and insecure, but didn't make an issue out of it. On her birthday he did something similar. They weren't together very long and had known each other for less than a year.
Today a huge bouquet of flowers arrived with a vase and a card marked with love from "child's name". I instantly went into a downer as I had made a huge effort for her on Mother's Day and felt it was not really appropriate for him to be sending her gifts. I completely understand him sending gifts to his daughter though.
I just don't really know if this is appropriate or not. I'm trying to reason with it, because I know he has made attempts to rekindle their relationship, and it was my girlfriend who ended the relationship with him. Had it not been for those facts, the gift thing probably wouldn't be an issue for me.
Thanks
Hi there
Have you talked to your gf about how you feel? It might help to put your mind at rest.
It's not uncommon for ex's to send a card and present on behalf of their child, my son makes sure that his child has cards and presents for his mother even though they haven't been together for years. However he doesn't spend more than £10-£15 so I think £100 gift vouchers do seem a bit excessive, but if he's trying to win her back, it might explain his generosity!
Really though it's not your gf's fault so I would talk to her about his generosity and just tell her that it makes you feel a little awkward, hopefully she will reassure you.
Thanks Mojo,
I did talk to her about it. I realise it's beyond her control, and she did provide reassurance.
She also said it made her feel a little uncomfortable receiving gifts from him, and the next time he picks up his daughter she will formulate a response into preventing any further gifts.
I stupidly replied to this by saying she didn't need to talk to him about the gifts as I didn't want to put her under any pressure.
My feelings are, 1) she left him for a reason, 2) she chose me, and 3) she's and I are together. She never buys him gifts, and when he's sending her text messages which are not specifically related to their daughter, she generally does not reply.
It's just annoying that after almost a year of being apart he evidently is still trying to find an emotional hook, knowing full well she's in a relationship.
Hi There,
.
I can see why you feel as you do, I think I'd feel the same as Mojo says if it were small gifts and a card as her son does then I wouldn't see any issue with it, but as he's spending so much, I think the way you feel is justified.
.
I do think your response to your partner to not have to talk too her ex about the gifts was a good one actually, if she feels uneasy about the gifts then she would probably talk with him anyway, but by saying she doesn't have too, you've put her in a better possition.
.
I think as you have said she has left him and is with you so I don't think you have anything to worry about, chances are her ex will stop sending gifts of this sort of value when he sees he isn't getting any reaction.
.
GTTS
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.