[Solved] Ex issues

Hi,

This is a question I have asked myself as well as it was one reason for a recent break up of a relationship for me.

For me it was a short relationship, 6 months, and she didnt like the fact my former kept coming up.

My take was that it was part of a normal relationship to discuss this sort of thing but she saw it differently which I can understand.

I think that my take away is that you just have to try to seperate the two relationships if possible and give the new relationship time to grow andonly involve the new partner as much as they are comfortable.

Its a bit of a tight rope I think.

Regards,

Dave

Thanks dave - its not even a "new" relationship, we've been together almost a year. This [censored] has gone on for ages now and Im just fed up of it. *currently sat behind my desk cubby at work crying*

Partner has said that nothing has changed in a year and he cant see anything changing in the next year, I just cant see a way forward?

I see his point, must be [censored] for him.

I found the best way was to cut all communication with my ex so we wouldn't even come to the arguing point I changed my email address blocked her off FB and changed my phone number (6 times)

I couldn't even meet anyone as when I did I'd harp on to them that my ex has done this my ex has said that forever more, once I cut all communication, life was less stressful I was less stressed and I've met someone really nice now, she knows what [censored] I've got on but I keep the courts and my ex completely apart from her.

You have to put all the [censored] in a box and concentrate on your own life, fair play though it seems you have a decent bloke if you've been seeing him for a year whilst you've got all the other [censored] on 🙂

Thanks Slim

I tried that back in April and it was bliss....then he started court action, then obv cancelled his application.

I just think now its high time to block all communication.

What about the kids though - I dont want to block him from them?
Its a catch 22, although eldest does have his own mobile I dont really want contact arrangement being left to a 12 yr old.

hi,

Theres a few things you can do to help ease the issues.

If you get a message from him, in the evening, don't read it until the following day when you are alone, and then reply, don't tell your partner about every text, email or issue, just selective ones with an added "there were more but I won't bore you with them"

when you have recieved a message try not to talk about it to your new partner straight away leave it until you have calmed down, it's surprising how when you are annoyed by your ex how this can come accross as annoyed with the person your with.

I know when I had troubles with my ex, my wife was great she wanted to know everything that had been said to and from, but she was in a similar situation with her ex, so we were able to sound off to each other.

These days though every now and then it's my wifes ex that kicks off and the above things are the things that annoye me.

If you keep in mind your ex is someone that you now dislike but yet is able to disrupt the time you have with someone you do like, and just think before you read or reply to a message what impact it will have on what your doing at that point, I'm sure you can understand that your new partner doesn't want to sit there and watch you sending messages to your ex while your with him even more so when they wind you up.

GTTS

Buy a cheap mobile and give your ex this number to contact you on. Put it away and only get it out when your BF isn't around. That way you have control over contact with the ex and it won't interfere with the rest of your life. You can get annoyed and vent on here and take your time responding to any messages from him.... again when you are on your own.

If you really want this relationship to work you must set some boundaries for yourself and respect that your BF deserve to spend quality time with you without being reminded of your ex...it can be done, you just have to be firm with yourself!

As your ex and his family are saying that they want to cut the ties then I would leave it be and let them be the ones to contact you. Am I right in assuming you have all three children with you now? This gives you a breather....although I think you should still pursue residence for them, ideally whilst he's still away.

What great ideas. Thanks GTTS that makes sense completly, I do tend to sound off almost immediatly, he probably knows that too.
NJ - Im still on this, I have a feeling however he hasnt gone away, eldest tried to ring him last night and the dial tone was still UK - we think hes lying (nothing new) I am going for that order though, apparently if I submit it that day as an emergency it can be heard the same day, hopefully Monday.

I agree totally with NJ - set yourself a time to receive messages, I'd suggest only a couple of time per week, and respond only when you are ready to do so. Emails can be blocked, and depending on your current phone, calls and texts can also be dealt with automatically - as a matter of interest, what type of phone do you have?.

It's all about taking control back of your own life, and not letting your ex control it. My wife used to know immediately if my ex rang me as she said my face instantly drained of colour when I saw who the call was from - I took the above steps and it's been fantastic since.

Hi

I agree with all of the above, particularly NJ & GTTS. I've got an ex that keeps being a pain of late and my partner has Thing 1 and Thing 2 lurking in the background.

The best thing we have both found is similar to GTTS and NJ's advice, also, a little childish but we sometimes write the reply that we 'want' to send, getting our frustrations out but don't send it. Wait 24 hours and then respond in as detached manner as possible.

Good luck 🙂

Hi

I agree with all of the above, particularly NJ & GTTS. I've got an ex that keeps being a pain of late and my partner has Thing 1 and Thing 2 lurking in the background.

The best thing we have both found is similar to GTTS and NJ's advice, also, a little childish but we sometimes write the reply that we 'want' to send, getting our frustrations out but don't send it. Wait 24 hours and then respond in as detached manner as possible.

Good luck 🙂

I have done that for my wife to her ex, Just be very carefull you don't send it by accident!!! Lol

GTTS

Hi Ive got an iphone, calls, texts, FB are all blocked, have been since I found out about the "spoof text"app he was using at xmas.
I only use emails.

He just phoned me at work!!
Eldest have walked out of school, school rang to tell me they were going to look for him then he rang to let know how crapI was and how I cant even keep him in school.....IM AT WORK!
bearing in mind he told our eldest he was going on holiday last Tuesday! next thing he said "what shall I do with him, my taxi for the airport is on the way"
FURIOUS.