[Solved] Ex Husband being an idiot!

Sorry but a bit long winded.

I divorced my ex over 5yrs ago, and he has been uncommunicative ever since. He has refused mediation, instead taking me to court and demanding what he wants.

His mother died last wk, funeral was today. I was called on the children's mobile last week to say when funeral was and he wanted to pick our children up the Sunday we had just come back from holiday.

So you had just been on holiday with the children? SO he hadnt seen them, and his mother had died? People often want their loved ones around them.

I advised that I already had a family meal sorted out and could he not pick them up in the morning as the funeral was in the afternoon, but no this was not good enough. He had already asked our children if they wanted to go and had explained what it involved. SO I was told they were going!

With respect, you told him no as you had a meal sorted, 6 of one half a dozen on the other, and if been on holiday, maybe your family meal following the death of his mother wasnt that much of a priority?

Firstly he was informed by the Police that he was not to call the children's mobile whilst they were with him, unless it was an emergency or the kids wanted to speak to me. He decided to call me about the funeral arrangements on our children's phone, whilst at his brothers and was quite stroppy when I would not agree to picking them up straight from holiday as they had not seen my folks.

This is an exceptional circumstance that warrants a call, surely?

I suggested that I would think about it and that I would not be bullied into making any decisions without speaking to our children first.. I contacted him back and agreed he could pick them up after their tea when they were ready, that I would text him. He agreed. I also suggested that I would pick them up after the funeral , save him bringing them back when he was so upset, especially as my daughter had a hospital appt in the afternoon as well.

I arrived 15 mins earlier than expected as the traffic was better than anticipated. I was left outside for over 20 mins after he told me they would be out in a minute. I was desperate for the toilet and a drink, however I could not go in given the lies he has told his family. I knew I would be met with a hostile response and I did not want the children to see that. Plus he and his partner had already gone as far as to try and get me sacked from my job several years earlier! I tried to call him, no response, I text him again, no response. When he eventually came out, I received a barrage of abuse in front of our children.

All I tried to do after everything was to help him out at his mother's funeral, I never got a thank you! I also sent a card to him and his family- not a thank you for that either!!!!!!

This seems incredibly selfish

He also constantly threw it in my face that one day this will be my parents and I will want a favour from him- I do not want to ever have to ask him a favour after today. I feel totally used and disrespected! :pinch:

Hi BB

...Without knowing the full history, then Twistons reaction seems quite fair, however as I know the [censored] this narcissist has put you and the children through I can understand how you felt.

I know you've probably asked yourself why should you cut him any slack, but the death of a parent is a terrible thing and although he may not deserve your sympathy, your children have lost a grandparent.

It was good of you to agree to to letting him pick the kids up on the Sunday after tea, and picking them up after the funeral too...but if your relationship with him weren't so bitter, these are things that you would have been happy to help with and more probably.

Had the roles been reversed I think I can safely say he would not have been at all accommodating, that's him and he won't change his spots!

Twiston, I have not gone into detail about what this man has done to me in the past. He was violent causing me to be out of work for over a year due to the injuries I sustained, he is a narcissistic bully whom tried to get me sacked from my job. He has tried to get social services to take my children off me, he has written to various healthcare professionals trying to say I need sectioning etc.

The family meal was for my folks who had not seen them for over a week, as a thank you for them looking after my children throughout the summer holiday's- something I had not had the chance to do previously.

Whilst my children have lost a Grandparent they were used to hearing her and her son bad mouth me in front of them. They are upset, and I have comforted them as they need and want comforting.

I agreed to him having them overnight, but tis is a man who has disagreed to a fair amount of time at Christmas because f his constant demands in court. At Christmas I will have 5 broken days, whilst he has nearly 12. because of the way he has messed about with the consent order! I have asked him to attend mediation but he refuses, instead taking me back to court.

This is a man that when I asked him to look at nest years holiday's he gave me an ultimatum. no negotiation, he demanded stuff the kids did not want.

SO yes, I did offer to pick our children up as a favour knowing how upset he would be. A simple 'cheers for this' would have been appreciated because I could have said no. But I didn't.

I agree with everything Nannyjane has said. She know's a lot more about my situation, a lot of which I have not put up on here for fer that he will find me on the forum and make my life unbearable.