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Hey, first time post and first time dad, sorry if this is the wrong place. Did have a scout through but couldn't see a more appropriate board.
So back in Jan I was seeing a girl off Tinder, things were going pretty well but for whatever reason they didn't work out. Anyway she texted me last month to say that she was pregnant and it was mine. I obviously told her I'd need a DNA test and she said whatever, though was adamant the kid was mine. She just wanted me to be involved, and was happy when I said I would be. I'm in my 30s, got a career and am perfectly capable of giving a kid everything they need. Ultimately I just want to do the right thing, and make sure any child of mine has a dad if they want one.
Fast forward to a week or two ago and she basically said I could do one for not being able to make do with her "rules". Put simply she wanted total control over who the kid would be able to see and didn't want any of my mates or potential future partners being around him or her. I said we'd need to compromise over this, but it was for a future discussion. She said there was no room for discussion and basically cut me off. I said a court wouldn't see it her way, and that unless I was hanging out with dangerous people her demands were unreasonable. She then told me that she hadn't given me enough info to even find her, basically suggesting because I only had her first name and phone number she could do what she wants and I can just deal with it. I have a full chat log of this exchange saved, in case it may be useful in court.
Anyway she's an idiot because she'd told me loads of information and apparently forgotten about it, and I found her address online in about 5 minutes. I haven't told her I know where she lives, I guess I'm worried if she knows I can actually hit her legally she might lash out (she's extremely unpleasant when she wants to be). I just want to be recognised as the father of this child if indeed there is a child, and said child is mine. I've not ruled out that she might be a lying piece of **** but at the same time, if there's a chance there's a child that's mine I have to take it seriously.
So... erm... any advice? It'd be hugely appreciated.
Alan
Hi there
Until the baby is born, there's isn't anything that you can do. That changes with the birth,, when you do have a couple of options.
Mediation would be your first step, but you may have to reveal that you know her address to the mediator, to enable them to contact her, although I suppose you could give them her phone contact.
If mediation fails, the mediator would sign off the form to allow you to make an application to court for a DNA test, once that is established you can then apply for Parental Responsibility and a Child Arrangements Order.
Hopefully she (and her hormones) will settle down and she'll become more reasonable as the pregnancy progresses, and will want you to be involved without the need for mediators or court. It's a wait and see I'm afraid.
All the best