[Solved] does time help ?

3 ½ yrs since I left my ex….no other woman or man or anything other than her attitude and nastiness towards me and my family.
I can honestly say hand on heart I wished so much we could have stayed amicable for my little ones sake but she chose not to be reasonable and break the agreed contact or allow more contact.

I have to say…..i don’t think she will ever be reasonable and I don’t see that I’ll have an amicable relationship with her ever again.

In time I hope it will be less painful…..I’m willing to be amicable for the sake of my little one but i will never forget or forgive what she has done to me and my little one by preventing and breaking our time together and the false allegations and lies she made up.

Oh and never again will I give her chances…..i used to use the 3 strike rule…..she has abused that rule way too many times so now she gets no chances…..she breaks the contacts she gets dragged back to court!

Hi I hear it does happen, though I haven't experienced it.

My brother gets on ok with his ex and they now have a very relaxed agreement to when he sees his son, his son is in his early teens so its a little different as he decided when he sees his dad (within reason)

All you can hope is that life gets easier as time goes on. My own experience is that it hasn't in 4 years but you can live in hope that your situation will be different.

Darren

Hi Dad I D,

I smiled when I saw you use the 3 strike rule as I do too. Much like you it has been abused in my case also.

Something my solicitor has said about a dozen times to me in the last few weeks is - I cant make an unreasonable woman reasonable - its true.

Its early days for me and our children are young so Id like to think that something amicable comes of it but all I really want is what Id call a business realtionship.

I have no interest in any contact either written or face to face as she went all out fom the begining to do as much damage and hurt as possible.

I do hope that the bitterness I feel towards her subsides as it stresses me out and I know in the long term it will be corrosive to my wellbeing.

Regards,

Dave

Living well is the best revenge 🙂

George Herbert.

I split up from the ex 4 years ago, she has gone from nasty, unreasonable and vindictice to me all the time to only being nasty, unreasonable and vindictive to me when we disagree (which is still alot!!!). At that rate of improvement i predict she will be neutral towards me in about 385 years! I think the fact that i can joke about it and that she doesn't get to me anymore (not even able to push my buttons for an arguement anymore) shows that i have got past that resentment stage. i think the only thing i feel towards the ex now is probably pitty, she is still so caught up with hating me that it takes over raising our daughter and she is too pig headed to see that. so in answer to your question i think for most people the hate does go away, but for some it just takes a very very very long time.

Ignore that last comment! I still very much hate that woman! she is still trying to fight me on everything i wish she would just be fair, reasonable and do whats best for our daughter.

sorry about that rant, mediation was a real struggle, got somewhere in the end but it was tough and hard not to lose my cool when she is being completely unreasonable. Just when i thought things were starting to look better!

No problem about the rant - better here than in mediation 🙂

Kenny mate, I have been to [censored] and back with my ex , it is now 13 years since. We spilt and she has just been back intouch with the CSA , as for time , yes it helps, reading ur bit of a story reads like I had wrote it myself, I was taken to court so she could get a court order for me not to see my children, my kids where told by her not to even talk to me if they saw me , I have had the police at my door saying I had asulted her, that was funny cuz I was in Ibiza at the time lol , people used to ask if it bothered me not seeing my children , and yes it hurt like [censored] , but now I have such a fantastic relationship with my son ,and a better one with my daughter , all I used to say to people was , my children know where I am when they want to come and see me and never held any sort of grudge against them in any way, it payed off for me , but took a good few years , so I won't say it's easy cuz it's not and hope it works out for ur self , if u ever need help and if I can I would , no problem , keep ur chin up mate ,and just be the best dad u can be when ever u get the chance mate,
Just a small note Lenny my kids are now grown and 4 fantastic beautiful grandchildren , and been with a fantastic woman for the past 11 years , they are out there lol believe me , good luck mate , Kev