[Solved] Dealing / meeting with ex-wife's new partner

Hi there

I'm glad that you have got this far and have been able to sort out the various issues arising from divorce.

I completely understand your concerns and your desire to meet and "vet" him, but I can also sort of understand your ex's reaction, although threatening to call the police is an overreaction.

Perhaps you could try and resolve these issues through mediation, if you can meet on neutral ground, with a third party present, you may be able to reach agreement, at least set some ground rules. Once you have had a session with your ex perhaps you could have a second session with the new partner present. If this is refused, I would be suspicious of the reasons for his reluctance.

If mediation is refused or doesn't work then you could apply to the court for a specific issue order to set some boundaries.

It might help to use the CAFCASS Parenting Plan to try and get a comprehensive co parenting strategy in place.

Good luck

Here's a link to a forum sticky about parenting plans

http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

In addition to NJ's advice, I might consider letting the matter rest for a while. She is bound to move on but would have been courtesy to meet him before introduction.

Saying that I haven't met my partner's ex but I spend time with her child. His father knows about me and things but I'm not bothered if we meet or not. I held back until we hit 9 months together before meeting her son though.

I dread the day my ex introduces someone to my kids but such is life. All I can do is stamp my presence in their lives positively.

All the best

I think that's what's bothering salad, the fact that there hasn't been a long enough period of time to make sure the relationship is going to last, before introducing her to the new partner.

Thank you for your reply and advice - much appreciated.

Mediation is a good option - I shall propose this if the refusals to meet continue.

I'm very concerned that contact with my daughter can still be made without meeting him beforehand - I guess there's nothing I can do about this?

I wasn't aware of the option within court. The order for specific issues to set specific boundaries sounds like 'Restraining Order' territory. Does this cover the same areas and issues?

Thanks again for your advice.

...no, parents part, they meet new people...it's not something that can be legislated for.

A specific issue isn't a restraining order, it just asks the court to deal with an issue that has arisen between parents that they can't resolve.....things like taking a child abroad is a very common one.

I wasn't bothered about meeting this guy to be honest. But in light of him having contact with my daughter, I feel meeting him to introduce ourselves would have been the polite and correct way forward. And yes, to perhaps 'vet' him and ensure his intentions are above board.

The impromptu pub contact leaves a lot to be desired though. I'd rather have known that this was planned and my ex was talking to my daughter well in advance about it before the meet.

Three months into a relation ship is still a stage of 'dating and having fun' for me. Your nine months would have been about right. I just hope for my seven year old daughter's sake this isn't another layer of confusion and emotion for her to deal with.

thanks again for your help

I would be careful of communicating repeatedly with her about this, as she has already threatened you with the police you may find yourself at the receiving end of an injunction/non molestation order.

Mediation is a good option, court should always be the very last resort.

Perhaps you could get something written into the consent order as part of the divorce agreement? Have a word with your solicitor about this latest development.

Hi Mojo, that's exactly what one of my worries is about. Three months is nothing in a relationship to me. I must admit I'm very concerned my daughter has been thrust into the mix so to speak and so very soon.

My ex also talked about how fantastically well my daughter got on with him in the pub (Crikey! the meet was only for an hour or two) and had photos to prove this - it just smacked of a family quick-fix and all very much while rose-tinted glasses.

Can't help but be concerned.

thanks again

thanks NJ,

I'm hoping to now get this written into the consent order.

thank you

I come at this from a different point of view. My children met my (now) wife 3 months after we had met - it was planned in a neutral area with plenty of play area, so the children could come and sit with us or go off and play as they wished. 3 months into a relationship can be quite a long time and only your ex will know how settled the relationship has become, so it's a question of do you trust her to look out for your daughter's best interests.

In my case, my ex did demand to meet, but because of the animosity at the time, and because I couldn't trust my ex to be civil during the meeting, I refused and in the 14 years since, they have never once met and I still think that's probably been for the best. Equally, I never met any of my ex's boyfriends (except on one occasion where I had to hand my ex over to him as she was virtually passed out drunk at the train station while bringing my kids to me for contact), though that is now irrelevant anyway as my kids came to live with me.

I would say that it's best to try to discuss the situation carefully - could you all meet at a park somewhere for a picnic with the children, perhaps.