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Daughter call my ex...
 
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[Solved] Daughter call my ex's partner dad

 
(@RugbyDad)
Eminent Member Registered

Hey,

My 5 year old daughter has started to call my ex's partner dad or to use her exact words "my other dad". i have nothing against the guy, he seems nice enough, does alot for my daughter she is very fond of him and other then getting involved in an argument between me and the ex that he shouldn't have have had no problems with him. he is due to get married to my ex soon and they have just had their first son and i wish them all the best.

the logical side of my brain says i shouldn't have a problem with this, if he fills a father like role in her life and she want to call him dad then i should be ok with that, there is no question of him replacing me or her not loving me so i should be ok with it. right?

So why does it leave a nasty taste in the mouth?

is it because i suspect that she has been encouraged to do this by her mother instead of it being of her own accord?

what are other people experience of this and does it get easier with time?

i will never discourage my daughter from calling him dad, but i still dont like it!

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 21/06/2013 6:21 pm
(@Enyamachaela)
Honorable Member Registered

Oh dear, I cant answer that for you (being female! LOL!!) But I can understand the bad taste it leaves. Its not right.

It could be she calls him Dad because ex refers to Dad when she talks to the baby, your daughter could automatically do it, or yes, she could be doing it because your ex tells her to.

You could raise that at mediation also asking why, that you are a little unhappy about it when he is not her father.

But there will be many more who can see your situation more clearly I am sure.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/06/2013 6:59 pm
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

I think it's wrong and of course you should feel uncomfortable with it! It might be a good idea to have a word with the man in question about it....as you have no problems with him and he's fond of your daughter it doesn't have to be anything but a friendly discussion about how it makes you feel and how he would feel if the roles were reversed. Children are very easy to talk to and they should have just reminded her gently that she only has one daddy and she should call him by his proper name. This is what my son and his live in girlfriend have done....my son has residence of my grandson whos 6....he wanted to call his Dads girlfriend Mummy and as much as she would like that they didn't feel it would be right on the mother and were also aware it would cause friction, so they just talked to him gently about it and explained how it would make his real mummy feel. He was happy to accept that 🙂

Still the damage has been done now which makes it very difficult to remedy...especially as there is another child, her little brother who will be calling him Daddy. Dilemma and I feel for you. 🙁

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/06/2013 8:50 pm
(@Enyamachaela)
Honorable Member Registered

It is so sad isn't it...I think other names should maybe be found, i.e. you call grandparents different names, so you could differentiate between the grandparents...I wonder whether another name for Mum or Mummy could be found 🙂 Especially when the children are so young, different when they are older, they just seem, as I did, to call step-parents by christen names.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/06/2013 8:58 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

I can understand how you feel, BUT she is calling him her other dad - that means she still knows you are her dad. It is difficult for a 5 year old to refer to an adult by their first name, it's not something that society, as a rule. encourages. In my own situation, my step children call me by my first name, and their mother as mum, whereas my children call me dad and call their stepmother by her first name - can you imagine how odd that must be for children of about the same age to be doing? In fact, a couple of years ago, my older daughter (19 at the time) started calling me by name rather than dad, as her friends called me that - at first it was occasionally as joke, but now she calls me that more often, still as a joke. To be honest, it doesn't worry me, it's the feeling behind it that counts most

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23/06/2013 12:22 am
 mb
(@mb)
Active Member Registered

From one rugby lad to another, I wouldnt couldnt and wont ever allow my boys to call anyone but me dad. What ever the reason was I would have to stop it. I get what Enyamachaela is saying about why she may be calling him that but I would have to stop it. My partner and I have just had a son. My 2 boys to my ex are so close to my partner it's unreal but if they ever called her mum I would sit them down and tell them not to and explain why. You only get one mum and one dad pal. I would like to keep it that way..... now get down the rugby club, sink a few and sing the alphabet song as loud as you can

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/08/2013 3:49 am
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