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Hi all , i have recently broken up with my wife and am currently in our flat with our 4yr old son , i guess to get the best advice i need to give you the full picture so heres my story :
My wife and i have been married for almost 6 years , my wife suffers from depression , anxiety , chronic fatigue syndrome , i have always been here to support her and i have done everything i can to make things as easy for her as possible.
For the last year my wife has been going out on a friday and not coming back until sunday or monday with little to no contact in between , i have forgiven her time and time again and tried everything i could to help her get her head straight from giving her space to suggesting professional help and finding local counsellors for her , she never took the help , during one of the times i forgave her we ended up making love and she ended up pregnant , we had a discussion about it and because she was mentally unstable we came to decide on abortion , after the first consulation and scan my wife misscarried but said it did not bother her because it wasn't meant to be, so i supported her again by being loving and doing the day to day tasks so she did not have to , for a short while things were ok but then just before i had to take her to the abortion clinic i noticed a lot of messages on her phone from some other guy with lots of kisses and things like "my love" and "part of being a good boyfriend" so at this point i found out she had been cheating , i was obviously devastated but i forgave her and asked her what she wanted , she told me that she wanted to focus on the family and me and caiden and wanted to make things work , so she blocked the guy she had been messaging and cut up her sim card , she then left again for a couple of days and when she came home i gave her a new sim card and topped it up for her so she had means of contact , that very morning when the sim was barely an hour old i took our son to school and noticed on my phone my wife had been on whatsapp , when i came back i asked her who she had been talking to and she said "no one" , so obviously my suspicions were aroused , i picked up her phone to find yet more messages from that guy , i asked her why she had these messages and why she hadn't ended it to which she said she had and it was just how he talked , considering one of the messages were "what are the plans for tonight my love xxxxxxxxxxxx" i didn't believe her , she went into a panic state and i spent the time to calm her down again , i then decided to get hold of one of her best friends to come and have a chat with her and hopefully help her see the error of her ways , in the hopes my wife would make amends , at this point the police turn up at my door saying there had been reports of lots of shouting .. well there hadn't been we were so exhausted we had barely even spoken , the police seperated me and my wife and asked us questions and when all was said and done i came back into the lounge to ask my wife if she was ok and she gave me the most evil look i can imagine . One of the officers then stood up and told me my wife was going to her friends for a while , to which i said ok thats fine , as my wife was leaving i asked her to send me a text later to which she said "you dont' need to worry about that" , from that point she used her friend to communicate with me and told me she wasn't coming back but wanted to know what was happening with our son , i told her she just needed to take herself off the tenancy agreement so i could get all the bills etc sorted and keep the roof over our sons head and that she could see h im whenever she wanted , she then said she wasn't handing anything over and she turned nasty , i now think she is trying to get help for her mental illness in a bid to get custody of our son , she has a lot of toxic friends that tell her what she wants to hear and have twisted her even more against me. realistically i am the parent that has been here for my son everyday of his life , im not the one that cheated nor am i the one that was away for 3-4 days of every week for many many months with no contact , im also the only one that has taken my son to his pre-school and now his infant school , i am always there for him and she is not , but im still worried she might be up to something underhanded in a bid to get custody of my son and take my home away. this is why im here i need some advice or suggestions on things i can do , the biggest problem with courts is neither of us have the money to go through the court system and iv'e already tried offering her a nice mutual solution but because she was in a spiteful frame of mind she has dug her heels in, do i have to be worried or should i just carry on as i am?
If you need anymore info to help get me the best advice and course of action please just ask , i have nothing to hide , im just scared my wife is trying to be underhanded .
Hi there
Just a few questions if you don't mind...
How long ago did she leave the family home and does she have regular contact with your child?
Are you in employment? This is important as you may be entitled to funding help if you're eligible.
Are you in council accommodation and if so, is it a joint tenancy?
If you are worried that she will take your child you can apply for an emergency Prohibited Steps Order through the family court. If you are unemployed you can claim an exemption from the court fee for this, the fee is normally £215.
Solicitors are very expensive, but many dads here have self represented with much success, it's doable and if this is what you decide to do we can advise and support you.
Please have a read through the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, there's lots of information about the process.
All the best
she left the family home for good around 2 weeks ago now , she has had no contact with my son , she has not tried to make any contact of any sort , I am currently looking for a job in between school hours as i am the only person able to take my son to school and pick him up , yes i am in council accomodation and yes it is a joint tenancy in both our names , ideally i'd like to come to mutual terms with her but it seems to be she has no interest and just wants to be spiteful so court proceedings may be the only way forward .
I have already spoken to the school in regards to making contact with me first if she turns up at the school and tries to take him out of it , the emergency prohibited steps order sounds very interesting to me , i'd really like to not have to take that route but it's starting to seem like she is giving me no other options , im concerned because she cannot cope with children she used to get very stressed with our son very quickly and i have a number of text messages where she is expressing how hard she is finding it aswell as notes and texts that she has sent / written showing her mental instability and her lack of being able to cope with looking after our son , i definately feel my son would be better with me and i have tried offering her an easy way to do things .
Many Thanks
Alan
Hi Alan
As you are currently unemployed you would be entitled to an exemption from court fees. You would also be entitled to legal aid funding for mediation, this might be a way of getting her to start a dialogue with you about how to move this forward. If you were making a non urgent application to court, you would need to have attended mediation first. Here's a link to the mediation service.
www.nfm.org.uk
It was a good idea to have discussed this with the school, it might also be a good idea to talk to the Council Housing department too, to discuss maybe getting your flat in your sole name.
If you decide to go for an Urgent PSO it's important that you can show that the mother cant cope, it might be a good idea to transcribe the texts you have, or take screenshots of them, in case you need them as part of yor case.
Have a think about mediation, perhaps give them a call to discuss this further. If you feel that you want to move quickly to secure your sons position then the urgent PSO is the best route to prevent his removal.
You would need forms C100for the PSO, form C1a to tell the court about the risk to your child from your ex and form EX160a to claim an exemption from court fees.
The court you attend may have a Personal Support Unit that might be useful for you, they can help with form filling and can sit with you for support in court. If you call your local family court they should be able to tell you iff they have one in the court building.
It might also bea good idea to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, you can get face to face advice and support from parents in a similar situation to yourself. Here's a link to their website where you will find information about meetings in your area
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
All the best
Hi There,
.
Mojo has given you some really strong advice, I will only back up what has been said, and say that if you are concerned about your ex taking your son then apply to the courts for the PSO, I know you want this as a last resort, but from what yyou have said your ex is unstable and there would be a good chance that you may end up in court further down the line, I think unless you can be 100% certain that she won't try and take your son, you should apply and get this covered.
.
GTTS
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