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Hi guys,
I'm new to the forum so firstly, hello!
So long story short my wife and I have had twins. They are a month old and in very good health but the two of us aren't.
My wife is totally determined to breastfeed and it is wearing us both down. She is doing it for the babies but won't even entertain formula as an option or even a 50:50 split. She is exhausted, as am I and we haven't been out of the house much in this time and it looks like that isn't going to change. The babies feed for about an hour and a half each time and stay down for about an hour and a half after that.
I am really starting to resent my wife for this as I am thinking of all of us yet she has this tunnel vision about "doing the best for the babies" even though it is totally damaging us.
Any thoughts?
It's a long time ago since I had a baby and things have changed so very much which I have been made aware of by the arrival of my very young grandchildren. Consequently I am neither knowledgeable nor agree with some of the modern methods. I think it's a case of being practical and in so doing limiting the damage to your relationship which can be caused through, both fatigue and by your wife being unreceptive to reasonable suggestions.
Three things spring to mind:-
When your wife and babies next see the midwife, I would go with her and express your concerns which are valid and try to come to some resolve over the feeding and the toll it is taking on both of you. If the appointment is some time off, 'phone and request an earlier appointment.
Secondly, are you a working man? If so, you need your sleep. Would separate beds be an option for a while?
Thirdly, is there a member of the extended family who can step in to help?
New mothers do tend to have "tunnel vision" which can be hard for the father. It is very important that you both understand each other and compromise as the situation must not worsen.
I personally think it can be an awful time coping with all the changes that occur at such a time but it does alter after a month or two. The skill, I believe is working together to overcome these hiccups.
Talk openly to each other, communicate which is 50% talking and 50% listening.
sounds like you need to re-charge and get some breath of fresh air.
you need to talk and discuss openly.
breast feeding is never easy and especially with twins - its big impact on your wife.
the routine will get easier as the twins get bigger and move onto other liquids and mashed up food.
How are you getting on now after a couple more weeks?
Have you considered expressing milk and mixing bottle feeds in with breast feeding to give you and your wife a break sometimes, and also to allow you to do some of the feeds?