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This is probably going to be a fairly long one so I apologise now!
A bit of background: My partner an I have been together nearly 8 years but about 3 years ago, we split up for a couple of months (she left me) and we stayed friends. When she fell pregnant we got back together. We are now expecting our second child who is due in a couple of weeks but of late (probably a couple of months) I just haven't been feeling the same about us. Mainly due to the fact of we struggle financially as we rely on my salary as she hasn't worked for about 6 years and hasn't bothered to get a job. Now the situation is different as if she went back to work, her wages would just cover childcare so there isn't really a point (Which I must say, I agree with) but if she had got a job all those years ago, things would be different.
Recently my work, who have always been good to me, told me that they will only pay me statutory paternity pay which is less than a 6th of my usual salary and we can't afford that huge drop in money and I don't have the holiday to cover it but they won't budge and that started an argument between us as she seems to think that i'm defending my work rather than sticking up for her but i've tried to get them to budge and they won't.
She's also moaning about me not helping around the house, which is a bit impossible during the week as I work 45+ hours a week and she's always saying that she doesn't need me and she would be fine on her own which, of course, plants the 'Why am I still here?' seed but the issues I face are that I tried to leave her years ago but when I tried, she just got her family involved who are quite in your face and don't hold back when it comes to speaking their mind so, I got a torrent of verbal about that and it was months before they would speak to me again, but when she left me 3 years ago, it was all fine and amicable.
I think it would be best for the both of us if we separated, I dont feel the same anymore. I still love her, but not in that way but I have a strong feeling that if I was to leave then I won't see my children and I won't see my baby who is due in a couple of weeks. Not to mention that she will try to rinse me for every penny she can and make my life a general misery so im in a catch 22!
Sorry for the long post, but it feels good to finally find somewhere to vent this...My friends abandoned me years ago, not long into our relationship. She made sure of that!
Hi There,
I think your in a possition that many of us have found ourselves in and it isn't an easy one, you want to be close to your children but have found that you are no longer close to your partner.
I would suggest trying relate together and see if you can sort a few things out, having somewhere that you can both speak openly may help your situation, I know that when I tried it it did help, for me it was just a case of putting a plaster over the wound but many do find it can help them to resolve the conflict and get back on track again.
Worst case if you do go and find that it isn't working you could continue with the sessions to help with the seperation, when you are able to talk and have clear conversations rather than arguements yu find that the fall out from the seperation is normally a lot easier to deal with, you could arrange child contact and seperation of your home ect.
I would give it some thought and see if you can work things out first before making any decisions.
Also you are more than welcome to come here and rant, ask for advice or just generally chat, we are a friendly bunch who do what we can to support members.
GTTS
Thanks, i'll certainly look at going down that route!
Separation really is a last resort, and I don't think either of us want the extra upheaval and stress as everything is intertwined after 8 years! 🙂
Hi,
I know what it's like first hand, the best way is to see if you can work things out and stay together, I'm not saying stay together just for the sake of the children as that never works out well, but if you can work out a way to understand each others issues and address them then that would be the first steps.
GTTS