[Solved] Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant

I've quoted this often before - Living well is the best revenge

It has become apparent that my ex is pregnant. It was my mum who told me, so I'm probably not supposed to know. It was a very minor shock at the time, but no more. I don't really care if she's pregnant, the only thing that has the potential to bother me is that it may in some way alter the dynamic at some point in the future as to me seeing my child.

I had my own child's entrance into the world taken from me, which means none of this can touch me. My child will have a brother or a sister and I'm happy for him, but as for my ex and the fella, I'm completely indifferent. What I'm trying to say here is that I'll find it very difficult to congratulate them or "be happy" for them. Why should I be so, or even pretend to be, after the nightmare that was my experience of having a child with her? Ultimately I'll always feel the same way - with deep contempt for her about what I went through.

I guess they may get married some day and be all happy families etc, but I won't care because I'll be a rich bachelor seeing lots of hot young ladies. The funny thing is, she'll likely be ironically regretful that I made all of it happen as a result of the pain I experienced at her hands.

Personal pain can spur people on to achieve more... you've come a long way from the place you were in when you first came here, you've managed to gain some perspective and get on with your life for you and your child.

I doubt anyone will expect you to celebrate their news, but when it comes down to it you will be civil about it, for your child's sake. Your child will want to talk about his new brother or sister and because you're a good dad, I'm sure that you'll put his feelings first and show that you are happy for him.

Thanks Mojo yeah I'm under no illusion of the things I've made happen since the beginning. With even more great things on the way in regards my personal and professional life.

As for my child, yeah of course I'll be happy for him. When the time comes I'll be taking him to the store to buy his sibling gifts to take home to her/him. No matter what happens, that's going to be my sons flesh and blood, and I'll have no issues facilitating his love for them.

As for the ex and the fella, I’m pretty much going to remain detached from everything to do with her and her life. This is how I like to deal with her after what she did to me – with minimal and completely emotionless contact.

Deep down I still want revenge on anyone she had [censored] with whilst pregnant with MY child, but thankfully none of those people are ever in my path way. Luckily for them.

Deep down you’ll probably always feel aggrieved, although you’ve got better at handling it for sure..
but you have moved on and that’s a good thing.

Just carry on concentrating on what’s important, nothing else matters, except you and your boy having the best life together and it looks like you’re well on your way to providing him with a great future.

Today I spoke with my 7 year old son on the phone. I hadn't spoke to him since a month ago, which was on his birthday.

During our chat he told me he was going to be a big brother. I told him I was delighted for him and asked him questions about it like did he want a brother or sister and was he excited etc. He was and is looking forward to it, which will be in about 5 and a half months.

After our call I text his mum simply saying "congratulations" and with the little baby emoji. For a couple of minutes I was actually slightly reluctant of doing this, but I done it anyway.

She text back saying thanks and I asked when my boy was going to be a big brother. She told me the date, and also said she was very scared but that hopefully all would work out.

I just replied "you did it before you'll be ok" .... and there was no reply. If she felt coldness from it, well she, more than anyone, knows why.

I could have asked her why she was scared. I could have engaged her as to how it's going or what her concerns are. I didn't though, and it was because of what I experienced when she was pregnant with MY child. I got no consideration, so because of that I'm going to return none. Just because of the fact she's now pregnant to another person means nothing to me, I'm still indifferent.

Obviously there are now going to be future things that will affect my life such as my son potentially having a step-dad if she ever gets married. And even if she doesn't, he's already playing that role anyway. I don't care how petty it makes me sound I'll never be happy with any such arrangement, since I got well and truly screwed.

My intentions of continuing to be cold and indifferent to her even though she's pregnant, would anyone approach this differently, or just do what I'm doing?

I don’t think she can expect you to be friends, but as long as you’re civil with her, I think that’s enough.

Others may have a different take on it, but knowing you, I think you’ve come along way! Your doing fine, putting your son first is what is required and part of that is to keep your anger with her in check... he doesn’t need to know how you feel, it would upset him and I know you don’t want that.

All the best

Yea true, he doesn't need to know.

I know I'm probably quite stubborn in terms of me holding stuff against her, but the fact is she did things that are irreparable so for that reason I won't let those things go.

I can be civil, but no more.

Thanks. Yea I'm literally in the process of taking a further leap in that I'm about to go live with my online business.

I'm already a bachelor, and I intend to be forever. I just can't wait to be a wealthy one. I'm doing it for me, but I want her to know and realise I became so as a result of her doings, and that will be bittersweet for her, I hope.

So my ex, the mother of my 7 year old, had her new baby with her boyfriend 2 days ago. Meaning my son now has a baby brother.

My sister, who she talks to from time to time, saw the pictures on Facebook and let me know about it. It's ironic because my own child's pictures were all over Facebook 10 hours before I even knew I was a father. Although obviously this isn't my child so therefore their picture on Facebook means nothing to me.

I don't really know how I feel. I think I literally feel nothing at all. I mean, I'm happy for my son now being a big brother, but that's about it. Aside from that I'm completely emotionless about it all, even the possibility of future dynamics changing in ways I don't and won't agree with.

I haven't texted her to acknowledge that I know or to say congratulations. I don't know if I should do so, or even if I really want to.

Any thoughts on what I should do?

You could pass on congratulations via your sister, that way you aren't contacting directly over it, but it's a civil thing to do.

If it were me I would do it for my son.

My son has custody of his child, the mother was a disgrace, there was drugs, drink and neglect involved, but we still had to fight to get him away from her.

We’ll never forgive her for that time, even though it was a few years ago now. Shes very lax about contact, often doesn’t call him and has never really stepped up. However, we always make a point of buying cards and small gifts for her from our boy, and gifts and cards for his siblings... but it’s purely for his sake, as we don’t think he’d feel right when visiting them on their birthdays or at Christmas, if he didn’t have something to give them... Whether we like it or not, they are still his family.

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