[Solved] Can not accept break up

Hi There,

Firstly I have deleted the duplicate post in the welcome section and left this one as this will get more replies.

What you are going through is normal, it will take time but you will come to accept what is happening, this is no help now I full understand that but it's difficult to advise of what to do when you are in situation.

All I can suggest is that the 2 of you attend either relate, or a mediator, within either you would be able to talk openly to each other about what is happening and maybe that would help you to come to terms with what is happening, if you opt for mediation then you would also be able to discuss contact with your children and anything else related to the break up.

Firstly though if you look at the top of the page you will see a link to a "splitting up and putting your children first" plan have a look and see if it will help you.

How are things moving forward with contact with your children ect? do you need any advice on that?

GTTS

Ouch! I'm feeling your pain mate it's absolutely horrendous situation to be in I've been through it myself I know what people say won't really sink in at this time but trust me it will get better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel man.

You've got to be strong for your kids sake as they will need their daddy at this time as it will be upsetting for them, all I can suggest is try and do something to take your mind off things I actually decided to give up smoking fags and weed strangely enough people thought I was mad but it gave me some thing to channel my energy into and stopped me thinking about my ex and missing my Girls.

Try anything to keep your mind off things stick your head into work, hit the gym, take up a hobby whatever to keep you busy.

GTTS has some sound advice there so keep on posting man and keep your chin up 🙂

Is there anything you've always wanted to do, but never gotten around to it? If so, now's the time to do it - basically, you need to get out and keep yourself occupied. It's going to take some time, but keeping busy with something you enjoy, and socialising with other people with a shared hobby is a good starting point.

Ditto,on this i'm right in the middle of it,Told 5 weeks ago after 14 years,no indication happy families,hols booked etc,she was out with my 9 yr old son 3 weeks after.Total shock to both sides of family and friends.My wife suffers from depression but that card wasn't allowed to be played.On top of all this as is often the case,stuff has emerged ie someone else "just a friend" "only txts" my mind was already made up etc but it was all pre judgement day so i'm bitter and angry.I helped move her and have been doing all the right things in a crazy belief she would see i'm a great bloke and i asked for this sideshow to stop.We had a couple of ceasefires as i explained how important these early weeks were in our going forward for our son.
I've discovered through my owns means the txts never stopped and certainly intensified once she moved 50 plus a day 3 in a minute!She's 46 and going in like a 16yr old.Bearing in mind the only reason she's out is "she doesnt feel the way she should about me"
So i've been lied to and deceived repeatedly, i've lost two stone in this time which means i look great but i'm just really struggling.She's told everyone story one to all her friends and family no mention of this txt buddy,as i have found things i've told my family and friends the truth and they want nothing to do with.I sent my one and only nasty email on friday saying i was out and for her not to contact me.The dilemna is my son who i played a big part in his life,i can't and don't think its right just to start doing the super understanding ex with regards seeing him so he can have free time with her new mate yet i don't want to use my son as leverage.

I feel for you Guys I really do I've been through it myself and 18 months on I'm finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel keep posting guys I promise things will get better 🙂

Any thoughts on son dilemna?

Hi There,

Firstly I have deleted the duplicate post in the welcome section and left this one as this will get more replies.

What you are going through is normal, it will take time but you will come to accept what is happening, this is no help now I full understand that but it's difficult to advise of what to do when you are in situation.

All I can suggest is that the 2 of you attend either relate, or a mediator, within either you would be able to talk openly to each other about what is happening and maybe that would help you to come to terms with what is happening, if you opt for mediation then you would also be able to discuss contact with your children and anything else related to the break up.

Firstly though if you look at the top of the page you will see a link to a "splitting up and putting your children first" plan have a look and see if it will help you.

How are things moving forward with contact with your children ect? do you need any advice on that?

GTTS

cant see link?

You've had some great advice here, I felt the same as you 11 years ago when my marriage ended but it does get better. That old cliche of 'time is a healer' is true unfortunately. Have you thought about seeking some counselling? It might help for you to have someone neutral to talk to. Wishing you and your son all the best for the future....

Hi There,

Firstly I have deleted the duplicate post in the welcome section and left this one as this will get more replies.

What you are going through is normal, it will take time but you will come to accept what is happening, this is no help now I full understand that but it's difficult to advise of what to do when you are in situation.

All I can suggest is that the 2 of you attend either relate, or a mediator, within either you would be able to talk openly to each other about what is happening and maybe that would help you to come to terms with what is happening, if you opt for mediation then you would also be able to discuss contact with your children and anything else related to the break up.

Firstly though if you look at the top of the page you will see a link to a "splitting up and putting your children first" plan have a look and see if it will help you.

How are things moving forward with contact with your children ect? do you need any advice on that?

GTTS

cant see link?

Here you go Jazzman....

http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home

GTTS

Any thoughts on son dilemna?

Hi guys,just looking for thoughts on my post further up,i want contact with my son but don't want to babysit my wifes new love life,should i just do days and drop him back,after all my wife's playing me she seems to be softening me to arrange time with my son but i just see it as her wanting free time.It was her choice to move and the skip has slowly gone out of her step

Hi Jazzman.

It's a tricky one as I understand how hurt you must be feeling, but, to answer your question regarding your son.
You might not like what I have to say, but I don't think it's fair to make decisions on his contact based on how either you or the mother are feeling. Whilst it will be raw for you these decisions should be based on what is best for the child, he must be feeling confused and upset too.

It might help to have some Mediation with your ex so that you can decide what is best to do for your son? When I split with my ex, I also had some counselling (arranged through the GP) that really helped me.

This link might help you

http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home

Sorry to hear about your situation and I hope things start to look up for you and your son.