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Hi
This is my first post. I'm gneuinley glad to have found this forum, it turns out it's not just me.........
My wife woke up last year jand told me she didn't love me anymore, i was to leave with a view to having conuselling to get us back on track.
Well, the day I went with an "i promise this is just for a few days to cool off" turned into the next day which turned into - nope don't want you back BYE !. I'd suspected an affair for a while and sure enough her now ex friends soon came out of the woodwork to tell me all about the 12 month affair with a married colleague.
Only a few weeks before she dropped the bombshell we'd agreed and finalised a new mortgage fixed for 5 years. Having only 1 car she bought me a motorbike - which i now see as a way of getting me some transport for when i left.
Then the lies started. Telling people i'd been abusive, violent, threatening etc. Sadly this was the other way aronud and it took me a good few sessions with some great counsellors to realise what had actually happened to me. I really found out who my friends were. The ones who beleived her lies shunned me, those that didn't (including a large number of her friends) could see right through the lies and supported me in ways i couldn't have imagined.
So here I am. facing huge inner demons. I've been prescribed meds to get through the day, i've changed jobs because I had to make a clean break from some elements of my life to where nobody knows the old, happy, me.
I miss my daugher a huge amount. Because she refuses to split any assets i'm having to pay for the house and cannot afford to rent a place of my own and only get such short visits with her. I'm living on the goodwill of others and that will run out so soon and i'm facing becoming homeless. Solicitors advice essentially has shown me that i'm probably going to loose everything and to be honest at times i still feel like the only way out is suicide.
I have met someone new, who is wonderful and i feel that i don't desreve them.. I'm scared she'll get fed up of the situation i'm in and get rid of me in an instant.
For me i can't get over the fact that being a hard working, honest, faithful, true, loving father and husband has ended with me loosing everything. Perhaps i was bad in a previous life?
Sorry to ramble on.
Musiciang...........First and foremost get suicide out your head that will not solve anything you need to be there for your Daughter more than anything do you really want to screw her life up for good knowing her Dad has killed himself you obviously have people around you who love you with your new partner and all.
I've been there mate and if suicide does crop up in your head again phone the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 they are [censored] brilliant.
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation and it feels like your whole world is collapsing but there is and always will be light at the end of the tunnel and I wouldn't rely on solicitors advice they are enough to make anybody want to commit suicide!!! They did me!!!
It doesn't sound to me that you have lost everything material things like Houses car ect mean F**k all you've got your partner and your Daughter so theres a start there is cheaper options to gain access to see your daughter by self representing without a money grabbing solicitor it only costs £215 for the application fee then thats all you pay 🙂
As for sorting out the house ect I'm not too clued up on that one but I'm sure someone else on here will help you out.
I'd also try to stop thinking try things to take your mind off things work like a dog, keep fit, do a hobby whatever to keep you busy.
You've come to the right place for sure get them dodgy thoughts out your head keep posting and reply to other peeps posts on here it really does help 🙂
Take care Slim 🙂
Excellent advice from someone who knows the situation you are in much better than I do, and is living proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry to hear about your situation, Slim has given you some good advice. It's really important you look after yourself and keep up your strength.
There are solicitors that give free initial consultations and it might be helpful to take advantage of this to find out more about the financial side of things.
What are you paying for besides the mortgage? As you are no longer living there I don't think you are responsible for the household bills, car expenses etc.
There's a great website called Wikivorce and you will get further advice about the financial ramifications involved when couples separate.
As far as contact with your daughter you could try mediation to try and sort this out...although I appreciate that it's difficult without a home of your own. What about grandparents or other family members, could they help?