Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi Gents,
I'm a newbie here was just looking for some common ground. Me and my missus have been togeather for nearly 5 years we have two children a 1 year old and a 2 year old and well its like a rollercoaster. I love my kids to pieces and the missus but it seems like every few days im dealing with a moody child like missus. Its been like this ever since we met and feel like im a worthless peice of [censored] tbh. Theres alot of history between us and she has left me on her own accord a few times for other men kinda and well its the usual i suppose every man goes through. She can sometimes be the most loving, funniest person in the world and i feel like im worth something and not just a daddy, but other days she chucs her rattle out of the pram over a little things and gives me the whole "i stay at home looking after your kids, no friends no car blah blah" Ive been trying over the last few years to motivate her to get her some self esteem to get her a life outside the house like driving, jobs etc but nothing seems to work and well i feel like im the casue of it all. I'm no saint and i can be horrible to her, and maybe i should show her more affection treat her but by no means am i a c u next tuesday to her. i the best daddy in the world but theres days when she is a complelte [censored] to me and im short with my kids whcih makes me feel even more [censored]. It seems she has no interest in what i have been doing and all she thinks of is her kids and herslef how overweight she is (shes not) and hw boring life is. I feel like a house sharer somedays and the only connection is im the daddy to her kids. my opinion doenst matter to her, her opinion is always right and no matter what i say most the time i have to do it her way from cooking food to not doing a bit of extra work. i tried telling her all of this but it just results in a argument and she skulks off to bed etc. I would never leave her as i love her too much and i know she is worth fighting for, but i need to find a way to deal with her to make her be nice to me and just genreally be happy.
It affects me bad, it affects my work the way i am with kids an genreal day to day to stuff such as paying bills, i put so mcuh time in trying to make her happy th ehighlight of my night, my me time, is xbox just before bed. This isnt a sympathy post just need advice if anyone is in simialr curcumstances or just anyone I can share how i feel, not in a gay way!
Sounds really tough - just wanted to say good on you for wanting to stick it out & stay with your wife & kids.
Do you ever get time alone with the kids to listen to how she is feeling - from what you say she doesn't sound too happy with things either.
There is also an article on the site from valentines day (been & gone) but has some stuff about love languages - could be you are both talking different languages which is why neither of you are happy.
Final thought, wonder where she is 'hormonally' when you talk about good days & bad days...can affect some women real bad! 👿
Bud sounds tough one. Two thoughts...
1. take her out on a date and treat her like a princess... always seems to help to remind my girl that she is the apple of my eye
2. has she spoken to the dr or health visitor about postnatal depression? It just sounds like she might be a bit down...
Sorry its short but i just typed and long reply on another thread and am out of time....
Come back on anything i've said i'll try and post again later
Cheers, Ron
Man U for the quadruple
hi bro
I was going to mention post natal depression too - my wife had it after the birth of our second child and she was really hard to live with! I know alot of buddies who'se wives had it too.. I wonder if having 2 kids so close together has exacerbated her moodyness! my kids are 16months apart and its [censored] hard work!
Could post-natal depression be a possibility? If she is suffering from 2 or 3 of the following she could have post-natal depression
• Constantly feeling tired. No energy
• Sleeping problems - can't get to sleep or waking in the early hours and not being able to get back to sleep
• Crying a lot, often over the smallest things or for no reason at all
• Can't eat or over-eating
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from or even rejected by the baby or
• Overly anxious and over protective of the baby
• Lack of motivation to get up and do anything
• A constant underlying sense of anxiety maybe escalating into panic attacks. Easily "set off" and difficult to calm down
• Difficulty concentrating, say on a book or film or even on a conversation
• Putting on a front. Feeling like you are playing out a role rather than just living the moment
• Strange, frightening thoughts or visions popping into your head about harming yourself or the baby or awful things happening
• Feeling lonely and isolated. Perhaps feeling rejected by friends, family, even your partner and your baby or children
• Sense of feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope
• No interest in [censored]
• Feeling guilty about everything - especially about being a such bad mother
• Physical aches and pains, such as headaches, stomach pains or blurred vision and worrying that it is something terminal or serious
If you want more info i simply went to googled netmum and then searched postnatal depression. I would suggest talking to one of oyur wifes friends to see if they have noticed any thing and then go and talk to your doctor who will get the health visitor involved. If it is postnatal depression you are not betraying her your helping her.
If she is simply being extra moody then to be honest you need to be the man and treat her like she's not just a stay at home mum but that she's special.. If she's aways been moody you aren't going to change that..... love is dude!!
HEY Dadtalk chaps - why not give us some articles on PND?
I was going to add in my two pennies worth here, but there's already some really good advice that's been given.
Postnatal depression can be a real tester for both mum & dad- so it needs looking into. She may be even more susceptible to it's effects if she's always had a tendency to be moody etc. Don't give up with trying to talk to here and work the situation out. Perhaps also consider some visits to a relationship therapist as this may well also help you to find a proactive way to communicate about the problems you both face in- and outside of your relationship (Talking to people in the know in this area of psychology is not at all a shameful demeaning experience- realistically 99% of people could do with an increased awareness of the things this type of therapist can impart). Just communicating isn't actually the answer for most relationships as most people think, but communicating the right way is everything!
If you can work together to get both your and her mental and emotional health right on track it will all become a lot easier than if you're jarring with one another while trying to "fix" her "problems" from different places.
I wish you the best with everything.
_____________________________________________
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.