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Ex partner in a serious relationship. Anyone else had emotional issues dealing with new man in their kids lives?
Hi I can only speak from my own experiance, Im a mother and when I found out my ex had introduced our son to his now wife I was furious, hurt , angry you name it I was hopping mad. But I calmed down and realised life goes on and all we can hope for is that the new partners are good with our children. The last thing we want to do is to be hostile towards them as this is only going to cause upset and will effect the kids . so bite your lip , smile and then go to the gym and hit the punch bag. I was lucky as the new wife always said, hes got a mum and dad he doesnt need another. This was 13 years ago and we all get on great Ive even stayed at there home , gone out as a family on my sons birthdays etc. But it takes time and its hard seeing your child playing happy familys with another person, its only natural you feel like this, but it will get better if you let it ..
I agree 100% with the above.
As long as your child is happy in the company of the new partner that should be your main concern.
There is no getting away from the fact it's very difficult to deal but as long as your child likes them and they get along ok, then that is about as much as you can hope for.
Darren
No doubt this is a hard one to deal with.
All of the above comments are true but the reality is, it is a painful experience.
Having gone through this myself, the thing that I tried to do most was be supportive of the relationship, especially around my son and try to get to know the 'other' person as best I could... If you get to know them, this will help build your confidence in them around your child.
You will be amazed at the difference that this can make with your ex in terms being on good terms which will only make life easier for all of you, especially your children.
If it helps, I've shared some of my journey on the site here here in a blog.
Its been a long journey for me, my wife, my ex and her new fiance but it is so worth every ounce of energy when I see how happy and worry free my son is.
My ex left three years ago and the kids stay with her a couple of days a week. She has had a new partner for three years and has tried to get the kids (3yrs & 6yrs) to call him dad. I have ignored it as it is not their fault and they are only doing what they are told (isn't that what we want our kids to do?!), as of yet it hasn't really caught on and they call him by his first name.
I do worry about there being someone so imbedded into their lives that has not got the attachment that that I have, yet they are expected to fill that role, even if it not be full time.
I believe my ex’s partner to be a decent enough man, but I would always trust my gut feelings about anyone caring for my children and keep my eye on the ball, as it were.