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Just split with my pregnant gf - pregnancy was a shock as she was on the pill, so unplanned, i lost my job at the same time after relocating to be closer. I'm already a single dad to a six year old and this was the last thing i expected and is a total worse case scenario ..... my preggers ex was having doubts before we knew, didn't tell me about missing first period, and only confessed to second period after acting weird on weekend away. i wasn't sure but now its over - any double single dads with any advice is welcome
Hi there
What specific advice are you looking for? If she's pregnant and is keeping the child, you need to think about what role you want to take in the unborn child's life. Your other child will have a half sibling and there will most likely be some financial considerations to think about.
If you had relocated to be closer, perhaps you might want to think about moving back, especially if you had left any support network for,you and your six year old.
If the mother isn't willing to allow you to be a part of her pregnancy, you have no rights to do so. I would let her know that you are there if she needs any support and leave a line of communication open to her.
I think,your main concerns now are your child and getting yourself back on track.
All the best
Thanks for this, i think this has been pretty amicable to be fair,both mid 30's, in terms of the role i play, at the moment my options are leave totally, or be active but she's not sure what that looks like yet, as she's so i'll just giving her some space and time to sort her head out. Financially, i am ok just need to start work again, which is week away. I'm happy in the location as its bang in the middle. i have a 6 year agreement with my daughters mum which is sound. not sure how the second works out and don't really want to take off the first.
And yes focusing on the first naturally.
i wonder how access etc works and would i be entitled etc
I think it's great that you have managed to keep things amicable, that's your best option at the moment. Giving her space and time is also the right thing to do.
You don't have any rights during the pregnancy, it's entirely up to the mother-to-be
what level of involvement she wants. Once the baby is born, hopefully she will want to include you and allow you and the baby time to bond. Contact at the beginning is usually in short bursts, but often, as the baby will be completely dependent on the mother, especially f she is breastfeeding. It's quite common for this contact to take place at the mothers home, with her present. Contact would then progress thoughtfully, taking account of both of their needs and what the mother is comfortable with.
If things don't progress, or the mother is obstructive, mediation is the first step to try and get some agreement in place, if that fails then the only other option is court for a Child Arrangements Order. It's best to avoid that if at all possible, as it places added strain on therelationship between separated parents.
All the best
Thanks i appreciate the advice. i am of course very concerned for the future for all.... and i'm really hurt... but it is what it is, all is can do is what i'm doing, she needs time and space and i do respect of her wishes. you do if you love someone i guess.
this is, absolutely, the worst case scenario for her and i, i wouldn't ever imagine being in, esp in my late 30's. However, whatever happens, kids come first, not sure how the access or finances will work but i've done that before without the need for CSA or drama , i'm lucky i guess in that aspect. of course, in time there maybe a reconcilliation, really though if not, i just know what i need to do. but it sucks
For what it's worth I think your attitude will set you in good stead, whatever happens. I wish you well and hope that you and your ex will be able to work it out between you.
Have you considered counselling? Here's a link to the Relate website, if not now, it may be an option in the future.
www.relate.org.uk