Thanks for joining us on the forum – glad to have you here. You are welcome to post 24/7 but please note that whilst we have forum moderators we will only be moderating the forum during office hours. If though you need urgent crisis help, please contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.
Reporting a concern
It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.
The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.
Report child abuse or neglect to your local council
Use these links to get in touch with your local council:
Hello
Just stumbled across the forum while trying to find answers
Short story
Me and ex wife broke up last July
We have a verbal agreement that I see my son every other weekend
And originally I was allowed to FaceTime him on a Wednesday ..
He is 4 by the way
Everything was going really well
I was purposely staying single as I work away all week
She however was not think the count is number 5 boyfriends she has had in my sons life .
Now I have not said a word about this just concentrated on seeing my little boy
The problem came when I started seeing someone..
So after a some time I introduced her to my son as my friend and then let them get to know each other etc.
Well this weekend my girlfriend had a barbecue so I had my little one so we decided to stay over.
Here comes the problem my ex wife decided to drive by her house and seen my car outside
So started bleating on about her being a stranger etc.
Where was he sleeping etc
It went on and on for a while
At the end of which she states I have a right to know where he sleeps...his sleeping arrangement and his bed time etc.
At which point I said I don't think you do as he is with me and we have equal parental responsibility
She mumbled something about playing hard ball slammed phone down
Now I am worried she will stop me seeing him
Hi there
Hopefully she won't use your child as a weapon, but if that happens you have a couple of options. The first is mediation, this is now a requirement before court action can be taken. It might be useful and with a neutral third party, on neutral ground, you could get your point across and hopefully reach agreement.
Although I agree that you shouldn't have to, sometimes it's easier to tell an ex what arrangements are in place and give reassurance....it's all about choosing your battles wisely.
It might be helpful to suggest working on a Parenting Plan, this might bring some clarity to your situation and help to lay some co parenting guidelines for the future. There's a sticky about Parenting plans with a template in the legal eagle section.
Best of luck
I agree, see if it calms down a bit, and then see if you can work things out amicably - will be best for all concerned if you can avoid mediators and court.
Hi There,
.
I agree with the above, although it seems mad that she can do what she wants to but you get questioned, as Mojo has said you have to choose your battles.
.
Maybe agree with her that if you stay at home then you don't need to make contact but that if you stay anywhere else you will, it may just stop things gettiing nasty.
.
GTTS
As a parent and experienced much of what you have, I have to say it is your responsibility to inform the mother if you have him sleeping in a different location if she is the primary carer. You should also adopt the approach of offering your ex a chance to meet your new friend. Go for a coffee. She probably wont go but a least you can say you tried. Or even email information on you new partner.
Any mother will be concerned who you bring into his child life and will wont to feel comfortable who her is with.
Things will be hard at the start believe me, but once the child has built up a good relationship with your partner, and the mother can see that, it will put her mind a ease.
I have to disagree that it's the mothers right to be informed every time the child stays somewhere she, I'm pretty sure the mother doesn't feel she has to inform you every time she stays over somewhere else with the child.
I think it's a method of control, her nose is out of joint because you are seeing someone else. As you have PR your time with your child is yours to do as you wish, that includes introducing him to others and staying over at different places....being spontaneous is allowed in my opinion.
That said, you could agree to share information with her if it's something pre planned, but it shouldn't stop you from doing fun stuff with your boy on the spur of the moment.
Trying to keep it amicable is always a good idea, so try and rise above it all, but if it gets too much you could suggest mediation, or working on the parenting plan that I mentionedpreviously.
All the best