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Hi all
I’m in a pretty tight spot at the moment. My partner and I have a 4 year old child and another on the way. Our relationship is (and always has been) not a very good one – we are so different from each other and that creates a lot of friction. We are attending counselling at the moment to try and work towards a brighter future. However, it is very hard to see one considering our differences. If any Dad’s out there have experience of being in a similar situation I would really appreciate any insight you might be willing to share.
If you persevered with the relationship, was there anything that made the difference? To be honest, even just hearing of others going through similar and emerging in a happy place as a couple would be great – it would be good to know that this can actually be done.
If you have been in a situation like mine and the relationship ended, how has that panned out? Are there positive aspects? Has anyone managed to forge a good relationship with their ex partner? One of the hardest things about considering this outcome is the unpredictability and there is obviously an awful lot at stake.
Please feel free to PM me if you would prefer not to publish your response on this thread.
Thanks in advance.
Hi,
what I would suggest is if at present your behaving reasonably and having open communications, then try your best to fix things. it may save you lot of heartache in future. my one said we are very different people, and she basically used that as a 'get out of jail free' card so to speak. made no effort. no reasoning. just abnormal and stupid malicious behaviour. be mindful that as shes pregnant, hormones will be all over the place. so expect irrational behaviour.
Thank you for responding mate, and sorry to hear that you are being/have been put through a rough time in your relationship. Thankfully we aren't being malicious with each other - and hopefully we won't ever get to that. We both recognise our differences, but it doesn't stop them being a problem. My partner is very emotionally demanding and responds very critically when I don't give her the kind of attention and responses that she wants. This is not a situation linked to the pregnancy, it is just the way she is (and of course the way I am too). So even though we can see that we are different people, with different drives, needs and mindsets, it doesn't stop those differences driving a barrier between us - at this stage at least.
We have been through this a lot over the years and because of that it is really hard not to feel pessimistic. I try and think things through logically and it feels that in the not too distant future we will need to make decisions. That's why I decided to reach out and see if there were any 'success stories' or silver linings out there that people could share - both in terms of relationship repair and forging a different kind of relationship as separated co-parents. Some light at the end of this tunnel wherever it leads basically.
Thanks again for responding. I don't know what it is/was like for you, but along with all the other [censored] this is a lonely place to be. I don't really have anyone to talk to about how it feels to be in my position, so just hearing that someone has heard me is very much appreciated.
a strained relationship is bad, but i wouldnt say its anywhere near bad as being cut off from your kids, then becoming a part-time dad. thats what i've become now. if there were no kids involved, it wouldnt be much of a big deal. try avoid this separated/co-parenting situation as much as you can. you will regret it.
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