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Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.

 

Reporting a concern

It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.

 

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[Solved] Access to children

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(@Stanton)
Eminent Member Registered

Separated from wife for 9 months after a 37 year relationship. Four children 21 16 13 11.

Have only seen my youngest 2 on 15 occassions for 2 to 5 hours each time.

I went to mediatotor for access rights she for divorce and finanical settlement. She declined mine I accepted hers and she then declined.

The less they see of me the harder it becomes, we are not talk there is a NMO but no histroy of DV.

Trying to keep calm but feel the children are being turned against me.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 10/04/2018 5:21 pm
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,
.
If you haven't been able to agree through mediation, then it looks as though you will need to apply to the family courts, they will be able to help you secure a order for when you see your children. The NMO will make things harder and some judges will want that dealt with before they will hear the family case for contact.
we can help and guide you through the process so just ask any questions you have and we will try and help.

GTTS

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11/04/2018 8:40 pm
(@Stanton)
Eminent Member Registered

The NMO expires 28/8/18 it was a single smack on the [censored] after a 45 min argument. Was told later that I should not have a accepted the NMO but agreed to a "under taking" that is to agree to the conditions of the NMO without it been issued. But her father was insitent .

I have got the C100 form and the sign off from the mediator for the MIAM as she refused to attend. Children are showing signs of PAS.

What hurts be is my youngest just wants mum and dad to be friends again, does not know what is happening and why. Her words.

Her family are now turning it into a private battle to defend their daughter, but she is 54?

My family is "it is your relationship sort it"

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 11/04/2018 10:01 pm
(@got-the-tshirt)
Famed Member Registered

Hi There,

sounds familiar, my ex had her mum pulling her strings the whole way through the break up and separation, if she hadn't we could probably have come to agreements on our own.

GTTS

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11/04/2018 10:18 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

It must be a very difficult time for you, but at least you've got the ball rolling and hopefully won't be feeling quite so helpless.

My children are in their thirties but we still have very much of a parent/child relationship, especially when they are having a problem...and I reckon that will always be the case!

How does the NMO relate to contact with your children, in respect of picking them up etc. As GTTS says, you'll probably have to jump through a couple of extra hoops because of it being in place, but nothing that's insurmountable.

You can only apply for your two younger children, possibly the court will ask for a more indepth welfare report to be done, usually at the first hearing, this may involve your children being asked what their wishes and feelings are, which will be listened to.

I wouldn't bang on too much about PAS, some courts are slow to accept this, at least it being a syndrome... if you do wish to bring it up, better that you refer to it as PA. just tread carefully with it, at least to begin with.

As above, we will do all we can to advise and support you along the way, pleas don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions.

All the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/04/2018 1:33 am
(@Stanton)
Eminent Member Registered

Thanks for the advice

The NMO states access arrangements via mum, the judge said that polite limited direct contact was acceptable but when asked to confirm said that the hearing was not under the childrens act.

Social services are involved due to my son but they are far from helpful always in meetings or dealing with emergencies.

The children are only now seeing one side of the family whos main topic of discussion is myself there is no balance.

I tried to tell my wife if th position was reversed how would she feel but no response.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 12/04/2018 2:06 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

... sorry a little confused, are you talking about a smack on the [censored] for your son? I was assuming the NMO is in place between you and your wife.

Although it's illegal to smack, there's a legal defence of 'reasonable punishment' under section 58 of the Children Act 2004, that lets parents smack their children. Where a child is left marked after being hit with an item such as a belt, it can then be considered an offence under another law, such as child cruelty or wounding.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/04/2018 4:53 pm
(@Stanton)
Eminent Member Registered

Surprise change of social worker male to female now understands my concerns and has insisted on an access contact plan which wife will adhere to and each visit to be reported. Following conversation this afternoon. My daughters were interviewed this morning and both wish to see me.

Mum wanted contact under supervision which the social worker felt was unreasonable as I normally see them with both my parents.

A complete turn round perhaps it needed a woman to understand a woman?

No I patted my wife on the rear. I have never raised a hand to my children.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 12/04/2018 9:17 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Ah sorry for the confusion... How on earth does a pat on the rear equate to molestation? It a pity you didn't contest it, but what's done is done. It begs the question, was she looking for a way out of the relationship and this fitted the bill. It seems a very small thing to end a relationship.

Anyway, the new social worker is good news and a positive step in the right direction. Let's hope things can get back on track with you and your kids.

All the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/04/2018 1:59 am
(@Stanton)
Eminent Member Registered

Wife refusing to cooperate with social services they have now advised me to go to court to obtain access rights.

Is action for fathers any good at £75 per hour they only appear to have been around for 1 year?

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 20/04/2018 9:47 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

I've had a look at them, for all the fancy titles, Darren Miles is a McKenzie Friend, I'm always a little suspicious of ppl adopting names such as law advocate... he mentions nowhere that he is a McKenzie Friend.

He may well be good at what he does, I haven't heard of him or his website so I can't comment on that, but at £75ph with travel expenses on top, he's not cheap.

As McKenzie friends are an unregulated body, it's difficult to know how good they are, and we always recommend that you try and get plenty of testimonials (although they can be faked) and recommendations from actual people that have used their services.

I can make enquiries with colleagues to try and find out more information about Darren Miles and his company, so I'll get back to you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/04/2018 4:19 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

You could also consider representing yourself - if Childrens Services are supporting you, then it's certainly going to make it a lot easier for you in court. If you are paying £75+ per hour, your ex may realise that by not cooperating, and dragging proceedings out, then it's going to cost you a lot more.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/04/2018 11:46 pm
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