[Solved] Abuse by wives

yes your right we are about seven time less likly to talk about it or report it .i for one dont feel the gilt that some men do .and i used to tell her what she was doing was abuse .thing is some times its so sutle you dont realise its happening .the only way i found to discribe it .is to look at it like money if someone gave you a penny each day every day befor you know it you have alot of money saved it all mounts up untill it overwelms you your bured under this massiv pille of money you cant move your rivited to the spot tiny little things that you let slip by .grow into somthing masive that you cant control infact it controls you .i was a publican with lots of frends verry outgoing with personality .i ended up in a village isolated from people not allowed money used like a slave bilittled infront of my kids verbaly and fisicaly abused not only by my partner but one of her children was abuseing me allso i could not defend myself as an adult .if i thretend to call police or social services ; i was told it would be me tacken away as she would tell police or s/s that i had hit them first 2 against 1 .i slept on the sette for five years .right now im thinking whoever reads this is thinking to themselfs idiot why did you let smeone do that to you .well guys its easy over a piriod of time you are being conditiond you dont know its happening untill its to late eventualy you comply without thinking allmost to the point that if they dont tell you to go to the toilet you would stand and pee yourself .you dare not say no because you know what will happen if you do so you go along with it .youve being traned like a dog to do the masters bidding theres no way out your totaly dipendant on her for everything.you think to yourself that if you do as she says you might be rewarded with kindness .but realy your falling deeper into the pit of dispare .you have no one to turn to your familly are now in the background no one comes to see you becouse thay are made unwelcome .least little thing you do in non comliance your told to pack and go .but you cant becouse your so dependent on them your not allowed to think for your self .you cant survive without them they are the centre of your univers.and of course if you do go your diserting your kids .if your reading this and see similar to your life its not to late .confide in someone you trust .ask them to look after things for you 'salt things away with them passport ;birth cert .ask them if you can use there adress for mail or to take messages for you or to use there phone to call help lines .pick a time ie she has her hair done once a month like clockwork shes out for 2/3hrs time you can use to your advantage .eg make an apointment with a family law firm .get the ball rolling for d day . in my case i knew she was going in hostpital for a back op.she went in on monday it took me till thurs to pluck up curage to go to a solicitor .i was on the verge of collaps.how i walked into that office i still dont know to this day .i couldent speak hyperventing i felt sick my legs would not cary me ,shaking uncotrolably.fight or flight adrenalin rush head swimming.my chest felt like it was geing to explode but i new i was doing the best thing for my girls.thats what kept me going. thats what kept me going id looked after my girls from being babys i stayed becouse i dident think i had a chance of keeping my girls if they were to young they are doing fantastic at school now winning awords for there work well liked and well mannerd .i sometimes think did i do the right thing but i allways comeround to the same conclusion .that it was best for them and whats best for them is best for me .guys dads fathers you dont have to let it happen to you i hope by relating just a small amount of the things that happend to me it might give you courige your not alone .im on here if you just want to talk to someone whos been there and got a truck load of t shirts .iv got moral supert in abundance to give ,happy to help if i can .dad talk is fantastic well done

I've moved this part of your topic into families and relationships to keep it a separate issue from maintenance.

I would guess that you have bottled this up for quite some time, and if so, I'm glad you've found somewhere to talk. Personally, I think this is extremely interesting and I'd love to here more about what you went through, how your girls coped, where you are now and how contact happens, if at all between your girls and their mother, so any more you have to say, I (and I'm sure a lot of others) are more than willing to listen.

once again thanks i will try to adress each topic. i will adress my ex as her or she i dont want to use real names for legal reasons .when i first met her it was by chance .i had a comunity led pub in yorkshire i had ganed a rep for turning round truble pubs ie drugs violence so im pritty good with people and conflict damage limitation one of my key skills is being able to read people and there demenor i have good nagosiation skills and can talk to people on there levle and my gudge of caractor has allways surved me well .so got good life skills you could say [im 54 about 18 stone ish 5/11 ish ]like a laf an a joke and nothing much can get past me if you know what i mean or so i thought .i allready have a son who is now 18 and lives with his mum .
[so you now have a bitt of background knoulage about me a bitt long winded but it gives you an understanding of the type of person i am hopfully?]
I was at work on the bar when i noticed a woman [she had the wow factor ]in my bar talking to one of my regs .Any way when she left i asked who she was i was given her name which i thoght was an unusual name a name you would find hard to forget [wish i had now ] she didnt have a drink she was looking for somone .Weeks later a customer came to the bar and said that somone would be coming to see him and could i ask them to wait for him while he poped out 5mins later in she comes askes me if i'd seen this guy .I asked here if she would like a drink /expecting the usual half lager reply but she asked for tea.id just put kettle on so stood and had a chat with her the guy she wanted to see kame back she spoke to him then sat back down she stayed about 2 hrs when she was leaving she said she had enjoyed aur chat and would it be allright if she came back tomorrow becouse she enjoyed my company as well i agreed .she came back the next day and the next and up untill 5/6/09 we were together. [have to go now i will right more later i find it quite hard to talk about her as it playes on my mind and relating it to somone i find verry emotional and distresing so please bere with me you will see why as you know more thanks ,chris

No problem - all in your own time 🙂