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Hi Dads
I am a writer researching how fathers feel about witnessing the birth of their children. Most women assume that the father should be and wants to be present at the birth, but this can put unfair pressure on men. I am arguing that men should not feel they have to attend and that there are good reasons why some don't want to. I am interested in hearing (anonymously) from the following men:
-men who attended the birth primarily because they felt it was expected of them
-men who did not attend the birth
-men who are about to have a baby and are unsure about attending the birth
If you have any views on this subject you would like me to represent, please start a discussion here or contact me at @me.com">freelancefire@me.com . All in strictest confidence, any names given will of course be changed.
Thanks for your help,
F.
Hi there
I have two children and was there at the birth of both of them - yes there is pressure for the father to be there but I have to say I wanted to be there to witness the most amazing experience. Please do not lose sight of this.
Being at the birth is about supporting your partner and sharing something that will be in your memory for the rest of your life.
Mario
Hey,
iv not been thru the experience of birth as yet but im looking forward to very soon, in June to be exact.
To me personally, and i would hope my partner would agree with me, is that we are going thru the whole pregnancy experience together ... we are both fully commited to making sure that our baby has the best start possible. I think for me, being present at the birth is part of this experience and its not something i plan on missing, I dont feel any pressure on me at all to be there, not that i would opt not to be there if there was an option !
On the flip side, i do see why some men dont go for the birth, i have a friend of a friend that didnt go and its because he just didnt think he would be able to cope with it, and he would be more of a strain on his girlfriend. It doesnt mean he loves his child or his partner any less.
Just a few thoughts i had when i read the title.
Cal x
Thanks for the replies. Cal, I agree, most fathers do want to be at the birth, but I believe there are a significant number who, like your friend's friend, feel it would be better for the woman if they weren't there, and that support would be better coming from someone else. I think it's very honest of these men to admit to this and I feel there must be others who feel they can't admit to these feelings for fear of being cast as unsupportive or uncaring.
If anyone else out there didn't attend or isn't planning to attend the birth, I'd love to hear from you.
I have three children, all delivered by Caesarian.
For the first I was with my wife at the birth (and briefly passed out once I knew all was well)
For the second, I was waiting outside in the corridor.
For the third, I was 40 miles away.
actd you are the man I am looking for! Would you mind answering a couple of questions below? If you prefer you can reply to me direct at @me.com">freelancefire@me.com . I'd be really grateful if you can spare a couple of minutes - I'm really keen to represent the man's view here.
1) What were your main worries about attending the first birth, if you had any?
2) Why didn't you want to be at the second and third births? Eg was it the blood, did you feel you wouldn't be much help? Did you feel under pressure to attend from your partner and/or other people?
3) What advice would you give other dads-to-be who are apprehensive about attending the birth?
Thanks a million in advance,
F.
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