[Solved] Jokes

THE HITCHHIKER...

It happened in Victoria, Australia.

This story happened about a month ago, in a little town in Victoria (Australia), and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s real.

This guy was on the side of the road near Terang hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was black and no cars went by.

The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It stopped. The guy, without thinking about it got in the car, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car started slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn’t come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve. The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he goes to a pub and asks for two shots of whiskey, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn’t drunk.

About half an hour later two blokes walked in the same pub and one said to the other “Look Bill, there’s the Man that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!”

THE HORMONE WARNING:
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my wages.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I! get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Prissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

And my favourite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good Laugh!

Or men who need a warning.

And remember: Money talks.... But Chocolate sings

These make me laugh out loud .... brilliant 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

I look forward to hearing from you after you are let out of intensive care!!!

You brave fool

Understand that the A12 is the main trunk road in Essex

As a trucker stops for a red light on the A12 a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The
trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are
losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck
stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of
her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the
window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the
truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name
is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next
light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he
says,............

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving the [censored] gritter......."