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Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My wife said "I don't know what to do with my hands when I am giving a lecture" I said "Try covering your mouth
My mate said "My wife is a little Angel" I said "You're lucky mine is still at home"
My wife said "Come on Bill whisper those three magic words that will make me feel like I am floating on air" so I put my lips to her ear and whispered "Go Hang Yourself"
I said to my wife "I am homesick" she said "What are you on about? you are home" I said "I know! and I'm sick of it"
As you are being very brave thought I would join in...
The Sheer Nightgown....
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
