Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Didn't have a chance to read all of them first time, the water filter one is the best... 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
😆
Brilliant!!
Well done for posting these - I laughed out loud with the five bowels
/many thanks
orange
Hi Ronaldo,
Thanks!
It reminds me of a joke about the wide mouth frog.
OOh L@@K, I managed to google an image and found one on flickr
/orange
PS - sorry if this is off topic
Cool pic.. and yes there are many similarities...
I didn't know you could add images - how do you do it?
Mr Orange aka Wide mouth frog - i notice from your profile you're a stay at home Dad. I'd be interested if you started a thread on it to know more about what its like... We've talked about it in the past, and have friends (teachers) who job share both roles... but i've never known what it would really be like
How does it work?
How do you deal with the needing to achieve stuff when the kids are young and so often feeling like the day has gone and you've done nothing (apart from clearing up puke, [censored], pee etc etc)?
Would be fascinated to hear your reflections.
Cheers
Ron
------------
Momentary blip on against Inter Milan, we will shame the Chosen One at the next meeting 😉
HOW TO add image:
- click on post a reply
- above the area you type in there are a row of grey buttons, one of them has the text 'Img'
- click that and it inserts something like (img)(/img)
- now insert your URL between the middle brackets, similar to (img)www.ebsite.kom/image.jpg(/img)
- click on preview below so you can test whether you get your desired affect/effect [not sure which is correct here]
/j
Cheers - but does it mean the images have to be already on the web somewhere? I had some fun images I got emailed the other day that i'd quite like to post.....
Thanks for the help 😀
How about these for maths exams over the last few decades... 😆
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.
5. Teaching Maths In 2008
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic ! for class s participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.
If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available)
Hehe, I love dad jokes.. Thank a lot for sharing. 🙂 )
There's plenty here to add to my collection (so far known for being repetitive and small - but soon to be changed.)
Hi
Did anyone see these questions and answers in yesterday's papers. They are included in a book called F in Exams: The Best Test Paper Blunders by Richard Benson.
1. What is a fibula?
A little lie.
2. What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
Mariah Carey.
3. Explain the phrase 'free press'.
When your mum irons trousers for you.
4. Joanna works in an office. Her computer is a stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?
It doesn't come with a chair.
5. The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Malaria.
6. What happens during puberty to a boy?
He says goodbye to his childhood enters adultery.
7. Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Learning to speak Latin.
8. Name six animals which live specifically in the Arctic.
Two polar bears, four seals.
9. What is a nitrate?
Much cheaper than a day rate.
Etc etc!
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.