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How do you kill a circus performance ?
...you go for the Juggler!!
Sorry guys 😆
Share your really bad jokes with us
Mags
While you are all going "noooooooo" I have another !
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
............... No eye deer , boom boom
Followed by..........
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ? (wait for it)
............... Still no eye deer !
Mags
I was going to go with:
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!
...but it made me laugh
So, as a bad joke, I would like to submit:
What do you call a video of pedestrians?
Footage!
Yup! I am most definitely cringing now.
[slinks off with shoulders slumped and tail between legs, to the sound of booing]
"I am so fed up with my dog; he'll chase anyone on a bicycle."
"So what are you going to do? RSPCA? Give him away? Sell him?"
"Oh no, nothing that drastic. I think I'll just confiscate his bike."
Oh, well, what do you expect, the tour starts tomorrow and I'm getting all excited !!!
Oh dear Ratso !!!
I have another bad one for you ( and I'm allowed to post this as I am blonde ) 😆
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?............
On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Mags
Does that mean i have to be blonde to be able to laugh at that one? I guess so.
anyway - I consider myself slightly blonde by nature 🙂
Well I used to be blonde ...when I still had some
So here's another awful cycling joke
Why was the blonde running with the bicycle
Because it was going too fast to get on
...now please don't expect me to blend cycling jokes in with any other topics
why do female skydiver's wear tampons?
TO STOP THEM WHISTLING ON THE WAY DOWN! BOOM BOOM! lol
Continuing on the blonde theme -
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
OK - here is my pizza and bicycle joke
How does a pizza get around?
on it's pie-cycle!
😳
A man steps off the pavement without looking and gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.
"Blimey, mate! That was lucky!" said the cyclist.
"Lucky?" said the man, brushing himself down and rubbing his bruised head. "That really hurt! What are you talking about ...lucky?"
"Well, I usually drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.
----------
Yeah - I can do bicycle and bus jokes!
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
this is scraping the bottom of the barrel now but here goes....
how do you make a sausage roll?
push it! 😐
A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The copper said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"
Q: How many ears does Mr. Spock have?
A: 3. A Left Ear, a Right Ear, and a Final Front Ear!
k im i bit new to this but here gose:
What do you call a fly with know wings?
A walk!
hahahahaha 😆
Seems like you have the hang of bad dad jokes - which are important if you're going to be a dad 😀
lol that aint all haha
how do you sink an irish submarine?
you knock on the door
hahahah
lol that aint all haha
how do you sink an irish submarine?
you knock on the door
hahahah
😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
Well, that's one approach!
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
Well, that's one approach!
hahahaha i remember this when my dad asked me if I drink and smoke since he don't want me to get on those vices. 😆
A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a large orange juice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on the rocks."
The barman served the juice and said, "Here it is, but why the big pause?"
"I don't know," the polar bear replied. "I've always had them."
Here is another one then as I got complaints about the quality of that last bad joke ?!
Who is green and sings ?
Elvis Parsley.
what is green and croakes and goes red at the touch of a button?
A frog in a blender! hahahahahaha.
hope you like it
please note no frogs were harmed in the making of this joke hahahahahahahaha.
Wots blak and wite and red all over ❓
(Please can somebody post the answer because it is just toooooo bad, even for a Friday 😎 )
I'm new here too, I love this joke because it is SO awful.
Once upon a time, in the purple universe, on the purple planet. There lived a purple man in a purple house, on a purple hill. One purple morning he woke from his purple bed, put on his purple dressing gown and went down his purple stairs. He went into his purple kitchen and had some purple toast for his purple breakfast.
He looked out his purple window and wondered what he would do on this fine purple morning. After he put on his purple clothes he decided he'd go fishing on the purple lake. He got in his purple car and drove to the purple dock where he got in his purple boat: The Purple.
He set off on the purple water, but he caught no purple fish. he decided he'd go to the purple island and have a sleep. when he awoke, his purple boat was gone! He had no way of getting off the purple island!
"Oh no!" He said "I'm marooned....."
Really really really sorry. 😳
Happy Friday
An ice cream seller was found lying on the floor of his van, covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say he topped himself.
Man walks into to a pub with a bucket of hot asphalt
says "pint of bitter please mate ...oh, and one for the road"
It was a busy day were in my office mates started to talk nonsense to kill time.
One of our office mate arrive home from work while his mother was preparing foods for their dog. And left it in the table to answer the telephone.
When the mother went back to the kitchen she asked were the food on the plate she left.
Mother: Were is the food?
Son: I ate it
Mother: It was not for you.
Son: Who was it for? I was so hungry and could not help my self.
Mother: I was for our dog!
a father give his child a glass of milk and.
Father: Drink that so this glass of milk so that your tummy will be good.
Child: Why? do you don't have also a tummy?
My grandfather was shrewd!
...lots of people threw small rodents at him until he died!
Sorry! Embarrassed myself with that one 😳 .
Police Chief: All alert a riot is going on guard the exist so that prisoners won't escape.
Jail Guard: Chief a prisoner managed to escaped.
Police Chief: How did he manage to escape when we all guard the possible exit and escape areas?
Jail Guard: He pass through the entrance! 
@anderzon - if you aren't based abroad, or on night shifts, you really need to be getting some sleep 😆
A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose....
The Doctor said "I can tell you right now, you're not eating right!"
A policeman drew a polyhedron on my photo-card ................................................................................................. I can't believe it - six points on my licence
I would like to thank Russell Kane for this joke who twittered it today.
a team leader had an announcement.
Team Lead: If you submit a sick leave since you were absent for 2-3 days its better if there is an attachment.
1 day after.
Team lead: someone misunderstood my point last time about attachment. You should attach medical certificate and not the doctors contact number.
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
^
^
^
^
^
^
"No," the woman replies. "I'm a divorce attorney." 😮 lol:
Brilliant 😆
..though surely, she wouldn't have handed the quarter back to the father 😆
Got one of my new viagra tablets stuck in my throat last week......I've had a stiff neck ever since!!! 😆
A guy goes and visits his sick friend in hospital. On the first night during visiting, the friend is served Haggis, neeps and tatties for dinner.
The next night he visits again and during visiting his friend is served haggis neeps and tatties.
On his third visit the following evening the friend is served haggis neeps and tatties again.
On his way out the guy stops the nurse and says "I'm a bit concerned about the lack of variety in the meals you serve here", to which the nurse replied "what did you expect, this is the Burns unit"
Ah Thangyou!
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