[Solved] When is ENOUGH ENOUGH?????

If there is a criminal act, then you definitely want the police involved - it sounds as though it could be a bitter court process, and you want all facts backed up by any agencies (police, social services) as this will make it far more clear cut.

Well done for not reacting back - it's a hard thing to do, and it also means that your children will think all the better of you for the way you behaved.

Cheers,

having spoken with the police it is now their policy to arrest the person acussed of assalt but i managed to persuade them that on this occasion i would rather they did not luckily they agreed and just gave her a warning but at the same time made it clear to her should it happen again i would have no say and she would be arrested.

the plolicewomen did say something positive in my defence my wife told her the reason she reacted the way she did was because i was not reacting and keeping calm which rearly got to her.

SO IF YOU CAN ALL YOU DADS OUT THERE KEEP CALM IT WILL REWARD YOU IN THE END!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is a wake up call for her and we can take this forward with out harming the children any more

|Hi

It sounds as if you and your kids are going through a tough time. I would imagine they must be feeling very confused, angry and stressed emotionally. You did exactly the right thing in not reacting regardless of her behaviour.

You are not responsible for the way she reacts to your calm manner and I do feel you did the right thing in contacting the police - if only to show your kids that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable and wrong in every way.

You describe you wife as having a tantrum and this is how I would view it - she hasn't got her way so behaves badly.

Keep it up and be strong, unfortunately you have a long road ahead of you but the light at the end of tunnel will gradually appear.

Show your kids that no matter what you are there for them , make an extra effort to pay your children attention ,especially on a busy day or when the stress is getting to you - it's also a great way for you to let off steam.

If you're under a great amount of stress and know that it's affecting your children ring Parentline (0808 800 2222, http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk ) they are open 24 hours a day.

Keep in touch and let all of us know how you are getting on.

Mags

thanks

the update is this - when i got home on tuesday i found that my wife has taken all of the childrens toys, bedding, clothes, 2 TV's, food from the cupboard and fridge, basicaly everything. when i asked why she had done this she replied because she does not feel safe in the house???????? and when i aske if i could have the children at the weekend at first she said No then she said i could but they are not alowed to sleep over why ? i said her repliy was because i do not trust you ???????.

i have spoken with my solicitor he has advised my to back off for the minute and we are to meet on monday to sought things out.

she has now agreed to let me have them on saturday and sunday but only from 12.00 - 6.00. THIS WILL CHANGE !!!!!

she is obviously trying the power gamer and also trying to change the norm to show how much she does with the children hopefully the right people will see this is not the case.

i also bumped into a so called friend of ours and was told that i was bang out of order and that she did not want to talk to me. Oh dear what has she been feeding them???
😕

Oh dear what has she been feeding them???
😕

Her side of the story I'm afraid. Not reacting is still the best thing you can do.

I still have this problem years later - despite the conclusive evidence of her problems and reports by the police, Cafcass and evidence in court, my ex still convinces all that she has done nothing wrong (and to people who don't know the situation, tells them that the children live with me because that's what we agreed) and there's nothing I can do to argue against it as I'm not even allowed to show the court order - let alone more detailed evidence - to her family/friends (I still take the children to see her family every year). Just something you have to live with.

Hi

Actd - how did you cope with it ? and who did you turn to for support?

Mario

mario,
other than the usual (solicitors, parent line) most of my strength has come from family who have been suportive but not to the point of being over one sided they have allowed me to make my own call. if you have a good solicitor try and put your tust in him/her at the end of the day thats what you are paying them for. i believe strongly to go with your gut feeling once you have the proper advice. it has also helped that i have been having counselling thie helps you speak to some one who is neutral and impartial.

update

saw solicitor and he had a letter from my wife's solicitor basicaly they have asked that i leave the marital home so that she and the children can return if i do not agree to this they will apply for a eviction notice to have me removed (on what grounds as it was she that assaulted me???) i amnot preventing her or the children from coming home where they belong its up to her to ack like an adult and control her anger,the letter also said that i have been telling the children that mummy is not well and that she needs help (not true i did say this but to her and not infront of the children).

After several txt conversation she has allowed me to have the children thurday night, but it was hard work to get this as she did noty want them to stay over. so now i will have all 4 over night and will take the boys to school friday and take the girls back to her at her mums RESULT!!! .

papers have now been served to the courts!!

hI thelb,

I'm glad your family are being so supportive and that you have enlisted the help of the Dadtalk community and parent line (what a wise dad you are 😉 )

I'm really glad to see that you are getting access to your kids and are able to have them over night - well done mate, I'm made up for you.

You seem to have dealt with a very difficult set of circumstances in a very logical way.

Keep the faith

and keep in touch

Gooner

As I have said before, keep an accurate record of all text messages, and any other communications, for your solicitor. May be worth trying to avoid speaking to her, and having all conversations in writing - ask your solicitor for his opinion on this.

SM - My family rallied round both for emotional and financial support (substantial in both cases) plus a lot of advice which was immensely helpful. My solicitor was brilliant and I trusted him implicitly. And, without the support of my current wife (makes it sound as if there might be a next one - there won't - the custody battle happened 4 years after the divorce in my case), I still don't think I'd have got through it so well.

Thank you all !!!

the next juney will be the next challange hopefully i can keep the same approach as i have and it will prove that i have done nothing wrong, i have tried every avenue to save the marriage, i am a good dad and deserve the right to see my children as much as i can and that i deserve to be treated like a person instead of meal ticket. my wifes behaviour has been anything but reasonable and i hope this will reflect in the courts decision (Fingers crossed)

it not a lot to ask to be able to see your children and to live a live a life that is not full of trials and tribulations. Fareness is all i seek hopefully the tides are changing in our favour.

Spoilt people should not be allowed to go through life allways getting their own way!!!!!!

THANK ONCE AGAIN 😀

Hi again

Just wondering if you had your children over Thursday night as planned or was there a change at the 11th hour? If you did get to spend time with them I hope it all went well. I'm sure they must have been so pleased to see you and this will give you the strength to keep going.

Mikey,

yes i did have my children and it was great we all we nt overthe park which is near by i cooked dinner and played in the garden, by the end of the night they all went to bed with no problems as they should as it is their home after all.

i did have a dilema, last year my eldest son came to a scooter ride out and it was planned for him to ride with me through the streets of cambridge along with the other 200 Lambretta's and vespa's but he did not get ther on time and misssed it . all year he has been asking when can he go on a big ride out with me and i have said he can come with me this year. So here we are the ride out is on sunday and i have told him that i will pick him up on sunday and that we will go and do the ride out he was so excited but he then said well mummy will probably say NO so i said i would talk to her.

took the kids to school this morning and when i dropped the girls off i told her about Sunday only to be told How dare i as it was her weekend with the children and she had made plans for suday. As there is no agreement in place i told her, that there is nothing to say that i can or can not see my kids as we have share custudy untill the courts decide otherwise, only to be told "well there is nothing to say that you can have them during the week or over night" so no doubt that will stop now??? 😳 it's all about power with her at the moment.

Hi

Hey, I'm sorry that you may have to disappoint your son like this. I guess you could have pretty much predicted her reply to your request, sadly. Perhaps she'll have a change of heart? I know there are no formal arrangements but I wonder if you could try the approach of saying you'll have your son this Sunday and forgo another night? Might work?

It's great though that your kids had a great time with you, I hope it will be repeated soon.

All the best

Get this

i asked if i could have the children wednesday after school and night only to be told no ??? it was ok last week but not this week reason being it's to disturbing to the children but i can have them at the weekend but it was not ok last weekend ?????? 😳

Once again my wife amazes me !! having paid to have the divorce/child access and residancy papers put into court i had an e-mail from my solicitor saying that her solicitors were confused why i had thought that she had cancelled a round table meeting tomorrow as she had been in saying that she was willing to sit down and talk ( a bit late for that). is this yet another delaying tactic or is she truly gone mad??

i told my solicitor that i would go to the meeting only if she paid as i was not going to pay for him for it to end up in the courts anyway!!

confused is an understatement ??????????????????????????? ❓

Once again my wife amazes me !! having paid to have the divorce/child access and residancy papers put into court i had an e-mail from my solicitor saying that her solicitors were confused why i had thought that she had cancelled a round table meeting tomorrow as she had been in saying that she was willing to sit down and talk ( a bit late for that). is this yet another delaying tactic or is she truly gone mad??

i told my solicitor that i would go to the meeting only if she paid as i was not going to pay for him for it to end up in the courts anyway!!

confused is an understatement ??????????????????????????? ❓

My advice here is not to make paying an issue - you need to be seen by the court to be whiter than white, and acting for the good of the children, not fighting over a financial issue. In the long run, it may save you money in solictors fees if you can get it settled quickly.

well what can i say having kept calm and trying not to make money an issue the last two weeks have been a roller coaster. first i get served with a Non-molestation order together with an eviction notice. i then have to read a supporting statement that is a pack of lies and nothing more than a reflection of my wifes own behaviour added to this given only a week to respond before being summond to court.

get to court having sheld out load to be properly represented as my wife elected to be represented by a barrister so i had to do like wise only for she not to agree to the judges recommendation and it defered to this friday for a hearing on the children and another one next week for the molestation and eviction untill then i can stay in the house.

having provided enough evidance to blow huge holes in her statement proving she has lied she has now decided not to persue the molestation and eviction orders and has also agreed to the original arrangements regarding the children and sale of the house, a complete u-turn. so back to court on friday to get it rubber stamped by the court, FINGERS CROSSED!!!!! 😳 😳

Excellent result in the end - so much more satisfying to let your ex provide the bullets when she shoots herself in the foot than you having to get them.

Right then the fight is OVER!!!!

i went to court on friday and was Suprise on how accomodating my wife was she agreed to all of my request in the end i got a good deal
1. children twice a week from 4.30 - 7.00
2. two weeks during summer holidays
3. two nights/days for every one week half term holiday
4. atternative Christmas & New Year including christmas & New Year eve
5. 50/50 on sale of house
6. No court order on maintenance that to be agreed between us once i have sorted out my living requirements
7. Clean break
8. Alternative bank holidays

and to finish the judge granted my Decre Nici so in six week that will be that.

so the moral to the story is keep calm, keep a diary, be true and honest, don't leave the house no matter how hard it gets and then hope to have good legal representation and a understanding judge then justice will be done !!!

Now for the hard stuff picking your self up and looking forward.

thelb,

That' great news mate - you must be on cloud nine at the moment. 😀 D

I love it when we get good news.

you've made my morning.

Gooner