Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello
im new here and my name is marc, i have one son that was born in april 2010 and a daughter born in april 2012 i splitted up with my ex in 2011 in august and i travel by train to see the kids every 2 weeks on her terms on one day which is a sunday which is always at her mothers place i work full time and give her money every week without fail sinse my daughter was born she has refused to put my name on her birth certiciate i have no reason why as my daugter is definatly mine, things where pretty raw didnt have no involvement at my daughters christening even tho i did attend along with my mother and miss xmas with the kids 2 times in a row esspically as it was my daughter first , thing is i still have feelings for her after all the rubbish ive been through i dont know why but it has slightly be getting better with the ex and myself talking etc... i did ask if there was any chance of us getting back together so we can be united as a family and be happy but she turned round and said no, its really hard cos now im thinking why do i have keep going to her parents house to see the kids if we not together because end of the day its abit 2 faced and she would never tell me if she was with anybody esle and i should be coming to see the kids without having her mum and dad and sis and other ppl that come to the house
part of me keeps thinking the legal route is best way to sort everything out and other part of me is thinking just leave it carry on seening my kids and things will work out but it all still bugs me? :}
Hi welcome to the forum. When you say you give her money is this by standing order as i would strongly advise this so you have a record of payment. my son has to travel and is restricted what he can do and where he can go with his daughter, we are in the court process now to get over night stays and parental responsibility , once you get that you can have your name put on the birth certificate. Does this mean your son as your last name but your daughter does not ?
I feel now you should concentrate on your children not your ex. Are you able to take the children out unsupervised as I feel this is your first step. Going to mediation is another option and before court, as in April legal aid is stopping and the courts are pushing every one to try mediation first. You can apply to court for parental responsibility this costs £200 then you can have your name on the BC , you cant change her last name but you can put yours on it. Are you in a position to take the children to your home or your parents ?
i send her 60 a week and only 1 visit on sundays every 2 weeks which is travling by train 53 miles away there and back in the same da all money i send is done by bank transfer so its all proof that i pay maintence that was her and our agreement on maintaince instead of getting the CSA involved , sinse my first child was born he or my daughter that was born this year in 2012 have never been to my residence which i live with my mum and brother she never wants to bring them over here even tho she has transport and im not allowed to take them here to my place and always having to see them on her terms at her parents house every 2 weeks on a sunday
eiether way this whole system sucks because i have PR because i was registered on my son birth cert but doesnt have my last name my ex last name for both of my children but refused to put my name on my daughters birth certficiate so if i went to court to get my name put on it would be a long process and isnt no quick fix and in the long run i would be paying a huge amount on court fees etc where as she would get free legal aid because she doesnt work i do the best for my kids and try see them every 2 sunday without fail but just wish i could take them out on my own and etc so they have time with me
Hi, thanks for the update. It makes my blood boil the control these women have . Do not despair, you can get things changed but it is a long game im afraid. The most simple thing to do is get a pr for your daughter its a c2 form and a c100 for a defined contact order. it cost £200 total, you dont need a solicitor, lots of dads take there exs to court by them selfs, we were quoted between 5k and 8k so no way have we that sort of money so we are going alone.After April there is no legal aid so she will not get it so she wil lbe on her own as well. I do feel the children are very young and may be to young for overnight stays. Is there any where near her parents house you could take the children, a park a indoor play area, does your mum drive. your situation is simular to my sons, his ex moved 100 miles away , only allowed 2 days per month ,he is allowed out of the house now she has moved but its very remote, not allowed any other people with him unless she is told before, he pays 200 a month to her then 200 travel and expenses all a joke really. But on the positive side you are seeing your children and building up there trust. Try not to argue with the mum other this as my son did and she just stopped contact. my son also had to sit in her parents for 12 months then allowed in the park then allowed out all day but not out of the area, shes moved and hes still not allowed out of the area, thats why we have gone to court, its the only way to stop these controlling women. You will have to try mediation and yes it costs, but depending on your wage it can be cheaper, but shop around as like anything theres different prices, we are paying £60 an hour, look on the www.nfm.org.uk it will take you 3/4 visits , if its now working you can stop mediation and get the mediator to sign the fm1 form and you can produce this at court. Can you provide accomadation for the children to stay over night ? Is your mum allowed with you , there her grandchildren. I know how you feel as we are going through the same torture
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.