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I have a thought provoking question or two to pose to you all:
I’m sure I’m not the only one noticing on here and on the internet, in past cases, in the papers etc… of the striking similarity of a staggering amount of Fathers experiences of their fight to see their children.
With so many cases seeming so similar is there something more sinister going on behind the scenes?
On this I have my own thoughts…..
With reading so many heat breaking stories of fathers being falsely accused of all manner of really disgusting things by their ex’s just for wanting to spend more time with their children, its hard for me to see why the mothers are being like this if they are doing it out of love for their children.
I’m not stupid to think that in some cases there are very good reasons for not having contact where they are proven…….however there are so many stories of fathers being falsely accused that are for no other reason but to delay things in court and cost the fathers not just extortionate financial expense but the emotional and mental stresses of not seeing their children when they’ve done nothing wrong other than don’t do as the mothers say!
In my case I fear its bitterness that I left her and dare to question her…..mostly backed up by her having to have control over me by using my son to hurt me as she knows nothing else she does can do any damage to me.
So looking further into this I have another question:
Are the ex’s being fed ways to win in court by alienating the fathers to the extent they give up?
I mean….advice I get from this site has been all from the side of what is right and what is wrong….what the law says and how the courts should be able to help us see our children….
i get the impression that the mother’s groups and legal circles seem to show them how best to prevent contact and prolong the pain to force fathers to give up, how best to hurt a father and make him pay for leaving her “holding the baby” so to speak.
I fear that the legal people do it partly for greed....as soon as they see a contact dispute on their desk i'm sure they start seeing £££ signs and know that if the father wants to see his kids he will pay the large 4 and 5 figure sums.....and they won;t miss a nights sleep over advising the mothers how hard done by they've been and what they can and can't get out of the fathers..
Oh and don't forget....the less over night contacts for the father the more money/benefits that the mother will get!!!!
My ex was told in the very early days by her legal people and the judge that what contact I was requesting was reasonable….but she would not hear it!
She has since tried all manner of “stunts” to force me to quite fighting her as she see’s it……..she doesn’t see all I am doing this for is to see and spend time with my little boy.
I don’t see my fight ending any time soon…..i fear that my case will be dragged out until my little boy has been so brainwashed that he will not want to leave his mother and the emotional fall out I will have to deal with at that time.
I have no idea how this is going to end or if it ever will……all that I do know is I have a little boy who I have to hope that in time will understand that the only reason he has not seen much of his real father in his life is that his mother prevented it…..i wan’t my little boy to grow up remembering I was a good father for the first 2 ½ yrs of his life and have fought every day since to try and be the role model father I know I can be for him.
A final word for my ex if you’re reading this thinking this is about you……..its not me versus you! it never has been me fighting you! its about me fighting to stay a big part of our sons life! Nothing more and nothing less than that!
I will never stop and never give up on my little boy!
interesting thoughts dad-i-d,
I personally feel at the moment the system is set-up in a very adversarial way. I am not sure what the solution is to this but until the family law set up is more collaborative in nature then it will always be claim, followed by counter claim, followed by counter counter claim e.t.c e.t.c.......
and yes I do think that solicitors earn more when a case has complications (they are also trying to get the best possible result for their client). So they are the only real winners - and some where along the way the system forgets that there are kids caught up in something they don't need to deal with and they are not spending time with both parents.
Interesting, BUT although there are a number of dads on here with problems of one type or another, by the very nature of the forum, people will usually only come on here when they have encountered a problem - if all goes well, they don't need to come on for advice, and there are literally millions of dads who haven't come on here. That either means that they haven't found this place yet, or that they have worked things out without the need for court. There are a lot of reasonable resident parents out there.
I think I agree with both sides of this,
Like actd has said and I maintain both on here and in my working role where people traw forums looking for solutions, the forums are great for all maner of information BUT as had been said it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everyone has the same issues because of the ones you read online, I like to say that for every 1 story you read online there are probably around 8-10 that aren't written about becasue they haven't had the issue.
That said I do think the system is skuded and that it's very difficult for the non resident and it's very easy for a court order to be broken and although the courts take a dim view of it they don't seem to act quite how you would expect them too. If you read sites like netmums they do go down the route of helping mums make life as difficult as possible for the non resident father to have good quality access, I don't think that the solicitors delibately give advice that allow things to continue but they have to act on what they are asked to do by thier clients even if it's not the best thing or in some cases the wrong.
Darren
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