[Solved] son wont go

dont get me wrong,i understand rules are rules,but some cafcass officers bend these for thier bennefit and not for the child,
they are overworked and a quick fix is best for them,
i laid the ground work from advice i recived here,i wrote to my MP(not heard anything yet)
i told the officer i had,
then i wrote my complaint and copied it to the managers and my MP,this was stated at top of letter,
im sure just by them knowing i was willing to take this further,to my MP no matter the outcome helped this manager come to dont get me on the her disision,
dont get me on CSA,ive not recived anything yet,they ask her a question she tells them she has both kids over night,when she doesnt,i get letter saying im entitled to nothing because of this and it all starts again,nothing is back dated as my ex has to get letter off csa before they can decide which can take a long time she says same and we start again,
at least the old system (court) could sort it out faster,
cafcass has seen the deadbeat dads and tared all dads the same,this attitude has to change,but also the minds of all males has to change
ie: kids are better off with mum.......this is the case in a lot but not all,we all know its not easy to be a bloke,were still seen as the breadwinner, we still see ourselves as the provider and the protector,we still live in the dark ages thats until our marrige breaks down
then all our belifs,are turned against us,these belifs have been instilled for generations,things
are changing but cafcass and judges and their overall opinion of dads having thier children is not keeping up and are sill in the dark ages this has to change,anyone can study for a degree this doesnt mean they can be good at what they do,it wouldnt hurt cafcass to involve mums and dads that have been through the system,who could talk and more inportantly listen to the new families that are going though this,my cafcass officer has only been out of uni a couple of years and is still a bit of a kid herself,what the [censored] does she know/understand.not everything can be fixed with a book,
even our doctor was of the opinion that a mother couldnt/wouldnt do this,and this is all you hear,it must be dads fault mums dont do that
unless her husband forced her its all HIS fault even if you could tell them the truth,they would still think YOUR lying MUMS just DONT do that
i very cautious about court on nov 1st,this has more to do with how cafcass has treated us in the past,my son and i have lost all trust in them,and dont belive a word they say anymore, the more i try to protect my son the worse i feel,my son knows most of whats going on but not all,he just expects his dad will sort everthing out (dads can do anythig) but in reality we cant . we still say everything will be ok,
then we go to bed and worry all night,somtimes cry then get up tell him not to worry everthings will be ok,knowing dam well it might not be..
my dad has passed away but hes still my hero,i understand more each day what he did for me what he gave up,my parents had a long an happy marrige,they had problems as all do,but always put us first and i just knew my dad would always make things ok,
dads are so important to children,and sites like this are so important to dads,
the amount of dads and mums ive told to look at dads.info is a lot,
mums have told me it helped them too,just by reading and seeing what dads go through it opened thier eyes,
i will update you all on the outcome of court,
needless to say i thank all on this site for all help and advice given :woohoo:

...Total respect for your tenacity and complete dedication to your kids. Its stories like yours that will inspire other Dads not to give up, to keep on fighting! Best of luck to you!

😀
just this minute got post:
letter from cafcass:
the manager of cafcass office that i deal with has amazed me again (shes put in writing what she told me on the phone}
i should be over the moon but feel suspious.
in the letter she wrote that a change in the officer would happen and that it was NOT at my REQUEST,that she will be speaking to the officer in a supervised session (whatever that is).
she thanked me for my honesty and for taking some blame about the situation,and not putting it all on her officer,,
and confirmed that she would write to the judge about the change and the reasons for the change and she feels that a male officer might be the best way forward given my sons age,
but i cant get the feeling this was ALL to easy,after 14mths all the threats,bullying and pigheadedness of cafcass,1 letter had so much weight and changed everything,
i know i will never find out but feel this officer has other complaints on her record which has gone along way to this about-turn,
the letter doesnt say this but the letter also doesnt defend the officer in any shape or form,
i find this disturbing as the officer in question will just go on to her next case,but hopfully with more of an open mind,and with the kids uppermost in her mind,
I will take what i can but the feeling is this officer will take my complaint out on her next case,she is extremly biase and her dislike towards men who have custody of thier children is not a healthy one,
as with all this the kids will be the losers,
FOR CAFCASS TO WRITE SUCH A LETTER TO ME THERE HAS TO BE REASON ????????????

...It often seems that way when you've been up against a brick wall for so long... but it is that simple, because you made an official complaint and showed that you were serious enough to take it to your MP, they took notice!!
I imagine she's had a look at the case notes and realized that it hasn't been handled properly. If you take a look at the annual CAFCASS reports from a couple of years ago you'll see that they were failing in their quality of care right across the board, and that is according to OFSTED reports. To make the necassary improvements, they had to put in place all sorts of monitoring processes, CAFCASS officers are supposed to be closely monitored on performance and this has obviously fallen short in your case.

The annual CAFCASS reports make interesting reading! I was just having a look at the Annual Report and Accounts 2009/10. On page 34/102 the report talks about something which is called MyCafcass which is an online service for adults but more importantly, children, where they can feedback to Cafcass about the services they received...There is also something called Hear4U which is a peer mentoring service for teenagers, to help them through the process. It might be a good idea for your son to participate in this...I think the CAFCASS officer is the person to ask about it....it might be worth looking into as it might empower your son and give him back a little bit of control.

Well done and best wishes to you both!

:boohoo:
the ofsted reports are eye opening to say the least,
what i found more disturbing is the narrow way in which you can complain,but even more disturbing is the way a complaint can only be registered as official in a very limited way,this is just a way to keep numbers down in the ofsted reports,and doesnt reflect thier true failings,
no system is going to be great but cafcass needs to be more impartial,and not let personnal feelings cloud thier judgement,and stick to heart of cafcass that is the children come first and formost,that includes thier present and future emotional wellbeing and not just because its mum or dad,cafcass must be more open and truthful with parents, my officer has made it more of a battle,she's being changed now but that is after she put my son and i through [censored], we dont know the person that will take over,but my son has no trust left,the way he's been treated in the past by 2 other officers has been disgraceful and has left him scarred (belive me im not stating this strong enough)
the lies,tricks and attitude of cafcass must change,if someone has a real concern/complaint than it should be heard without fear it influencing the officers report, which in most cases IT does, the cafcass answer is you must bring it up in court,thats after the judge has read the report,nobody can UN-read a report,its just another way that has there view heard whether that view is right or wrong,or even if in the intrests of the child,its always going to be easier with younger children,but when thier older and understand more,the officer appointed must be expirienced with teens and relise just to say YOU WILL GO will not surfice they want to be treated as a young adult and not as a kid,
cafcass will never be liked by both parents but they compound the matter by liking one and disliking the other,and showing this.
this might not be put into words in the report but it is definitly in the wording and composit of said report,
judges hold these reports in such regard that it is cafcass who decide,so why have the judge in the first place

..There would be nothing to stop you complaining to OFSTED directly if CAFCASS continue to let you both down.

What did you think about MyCafcass and the peer mentoring service Hear4U? Might it be something you would look at for your son?

As far as the reports and the influence of the judge...When my son was in court fighting for Residency, he asked his Barrister to bring it to the attention of the judge that Social Services in our area were under an OFSTED improvement order, and that at the time they failed my grandson, didnt alert my son to the fact that his son was on the at risk register and didnt log any of the calls of concern my son made to them, was during the time that the OFSTED report stated that SS were failing in their duty of care to the children in their care. I dont know if this helped in any way, but it certainly gave the judge a broader perspective...and it doesnt hurt to let them know you're on the ball!! 😉

ive been trying to look at MYCAFCASS and HEAR4U,but cant find them,could you send me the link,
nannyjane your the one on the ball,
how can these people and cafcass not be held accounterble to anyone,
ive read that some officers have left,been sacked for questioning thier own methods and that of cafcass,
even ofsted seem to paper over them,and report on the miner points to justfy the reports.
some cafcass officers like mine dont just misrepirsent the truth they blatenly lie,with no comeback,
this isnt just about my son and the way weve been treated,its turning into a cusade these people are ruining childrens lives
all over the country,its not just the odd officer,
all the readin i have done and if i only belive 25% of the horror storiers that mums and dads have wrote,
surly there has to be a problem with cafcass and thier officers but it keeps getting brushed under the carpet,
there has been and will continue to be deaths of children or parents taking thier own life because of cafcass and ss.
HOW CAN THIS BE ALLOWED TO GO ON
some of the things ive read of are absolutly horrific and only get reported in main stream after the death of a child,
thank god for the internet....
i never thought children would be treated like this in the UK, other countries maybe but not the UK,

Do you know Christopher, I couldn't find the links either! I've been on the CAFCASS website and no sign of a link anywhere...I think perhaps you might have to ask the Cafcass Officer for more information on how to access it, but I'll keep looking!

You're right about accountability, or the lack of it. Its endemic I'm afraid...when I worked in the NHS I was apalled at how things would get swept under the carpet... they close ranks and it happens everywhere. Every now and again one of them gets caught out and an example is made, but then things just carry on as before! Attitudes need to change and it needs to be from the top down. Unfortunately the decision makers at the top rarely have to face the consequences of their actions, its those on the ground floor that are hung out to dry...

thanks,
ill ask but dont hold any hope

here we go again,cafcass officer phoned again,shes putting my son through with contact again,my son has been a pain since he found out,
the officer even said she doesnt think he will go but i have to take him anyway,50 mile round trip,she knows how upsetting this is to my son
the officer knows she is being replaced because of her actions from nov 1st .unbiliveable

...Why dont you phone the manager that you spoke to previously, she may be able to intervene. Tell her what the officers response was about her not thinking he will go anyway...you never know!

Don't you just love them - aren't they supposed to be doing what is best for the children?