[Solved] son wont go

...Why dont you try your MP, you might be pleasantly surprised at what they can do. Have you thought anymore about getting your son his own solicitor?
This is child abuse as far as I'm concerned, it must be so distressing for you both... I can't imagine the turmoil your son is feeling.

I would seriously consider ringing Cafcass and asking to make a formal complaint. Get you son to write down exactly what he remembers happening and how he felt, and you need to do the same.

That's in addition to what Nanny Jane has suggested above.

😡
hii took my son to thier offices,
had to force him to get out of car,
the officer came out and took him in a room with his mum,i waited in reception after half an hour i could hear f,ing and jeff ing
i thought it was my son but it turned out to be a woman CAFCASS officer talking to her mate behind the counter,
she did say sorry and told me nobody could hear because the doors are closed,i told her that it was disgusting and i heard it and my son was in there,,but to my son,he came running out very very upset and crying,i wanted to speak to the officer but my son couldnt get out of there fast enough,i told him to wait in the car,the officer then told me it went well until his mother tried to hug him and all [censored] broke loose,
upon returning to the car i found my son had locked himself in and was punching the headrest,(BUT ALL WENT WELL)??????.
after he calmed down we had a good talk and it seems than he wanted to leave early and was told and blocked by the officer and his mum.
my son told the officer he will not go back,but the officer has told me i have to take him,i cant change solictor because the judge appointed her,i have since found out that appointed solicitors got with caffcas 90% of the time and hope it works out,
ive wrote to my MP and are awaiting a reply, ive been told to put a complaint in (BUT ONLY WHEN CAFFCAS HAVE FINISHED THIER REPORT) as this would be seen as ploy and would find its way into the report somehow ???.
i couldnt even make an appointment for him to see his own solicitor,he had to phone himself and then ask me if date and time given to
him was OK with me,the date is after his last meetin with cafcass, i just wonder if this is on purpose or not,
he told her over the phone what had happened and he would not be going, its a court order and she advises he must go
its disguting how hes being treated and i feel absolutley helpless,no matter what i say/do it is turned againt my son,in the meeting he told his mum in no uncertain terms how he felt (he told her to [censored] off)im not happy with that but i do understand why he did it,he feels this is the only way to make them listen,and now hes having nightmares a couple of days before he has to go again,hes told me how sorry he is for (as he sees it) hes making trouble for me.
CAFFCAS are pushing and pushing him and the only thing its doing is pushing him further and further from his mum,
they cant or wont see what there doing,

...Have you taken your son to see the GP? As he is so distressed and is now having nightmares, it might be a good idea to go and talk to your doctor about the psychological and emotional impact this is having on him. It might be that you could get the doc to refer you to a child psychologist who could give an independent report on the damage that this is doing to your son.

As you have written to your MP you could follow this up with a telephone call to see if the letter has been received and maybe talk to the MP or his secretary about the urgency of this case. They are usually pretty quick to act though...

Good luck with it.

:boohoo: i took my son to see our GP and he arranged for him to see a councellor,
we got an appointment through quite quickly but it was on the same day as the court hearing,when i phoned them to re-arrange
they asken me for more details,i told them about CAFCASS,THE GAURDIAN AND HIM HAVING A SOLICITOR,
thats when they said they COULD'NT do anything for him as other agencies ware involved,and it would be confusing and overwelming for him,and could possible be conflict of intreasts,this was the same answer from a private councellor,
as soon as i mention CAFCASS all doors shut,nobody wants to get involved, in ythe last 14mths ive found cafcass has all power over courts,solicitors and now even the NHS,my sons gaurdian is very young has no children,and has no clue,but she has a degree,
she has put my son through [censored] with the blessings of the court and worse of all by his mum,
what is the use of a judge appointing my son a solicitor of his own if they only go by what cafcass say in their reports and by phone,
these solicitors do not work for cafcass but are in NO way independent, ive looked at alot of cases both male and female on different sites on the net and a very high percentage of all have a very low opinion of how cafcass deal with things,i know some of the comments are sour grapes from people but a [censored] of a lot of them "won" their battle and still complained even some for thier ex-partners treatment by cafcass.
in my opinion cafcass should appoint 2 officers independent in every case 1male,1femail,if nothing else parents couldnt say its because shes a woman or vice verser,and if thier reports differ then the solicitor appointed to the children should be on her/his cliants side,and just because the woman gave birth shouldnt come into it,the child/ren wouldnt be here if it wasnt for both mother and father
fathers love thire children just as much as (and in some cases more)than the woman who gave birth, not all parents are good parents
and cafcass have to change their opion that all children are the same and need/want to be with both parents,this one rule fits all is outdated and damaging to the child they are there to help,children are a lot more older for thier years now and know what they want and more importentley the long term effects thier choice can have on thier lives,all parents would like to have thier children to be happy and have a childhood but they all know when that time has changed and thier children has grwn "up".but with cafcass this is only when that child is 16yrs and 1day,when the judge gives his final desion cafcas wash thier hands of that case never to be seen again,and leave in thier wake a child that will have more and more problems,it doesnt matter if it a man or woman who wins but the child will aways LOSE..
all parents try to do thier best as courts do in a no win situation,but cafcass who has a duty to the child fail that child alot more than they help that child,they cause conflit with parents who are emotion and uncertain what to do or say in the best intrests of the child,
6mths ago i honestly thought my son would see his mum in time,but after cafcass got involved i now know he wont,and i place blame for that squarly on the shoulders of CAFCASS and thier onemindedness

..I'm just gutted that you both keep coming up against brick walls all the time.

I cant think of anything else to suggest...I think you're best bet is your MP. They do have access all areas, and when they say jump, people do ask how high...

Try and take your sons mind off it all, go and do something fun together, some time out for both of you would be good....

Take care both of you.

:cheer:
thank you for your advice much needed,
i know my case prob differs form the norm as i have custardy of my sons,
but my heart goes out to the dads that cant see thier kids only because of thier ex's nastiness,
but i never thought how nasty these women could be ,dont they relise this is not helping or looking after thier own children ?????.
i would still do anything for my ex,but not at my sons expence,
i can only imagine what these dads are goin through,its true that mums can and do say anthing to get thier way,
but this is aways not in the childs best intrests,ALL children have rights to see both parents if that is what THEY want,without being influenced by mum or dad, i loved my ex for 16yrs,i thouht nothing was wrong with our marrige,(little did i know)
i never thought how nasty she would become (with help from her new bloke),
but if any dad is going thouh a spilt please becareful and DONT think this is the same woman you once loved,
thier will be only one winner and thats the solicitors,
your life,your ex's life will become a battle zone and your kids will be made to pick sides or just recede into themselves,this is no good to all parties,
how love can turn to hate so quickly is beyond me,
it should never be allowed to come to sites like this,and sites like mumsnet,
dont get me wrong i would have been lost if DAD INFO wasnt around,
just too know im not alone has been helpful and the advice is invaluble,
im just a dreamer i know,
alot of people have to change thier ideas of mums are best,not matter what..
and its so sad that its always is and going too be a battle zone,
so dads be aware dont bring a knife to a gun fight,and dont be like me at the begining and think its just the solicitors they work and take instructions off your ex,
its no longer love and you cant afford to think its the same woman you loved,its not ...
sad i know,
I know there are some parents out there that dont deserve to have thier kids but i do know that 95% +love thier kids and the kids love them,
i do belive WHAT GO'S ABOUT COMES ABOUT,im sure my ex wished she had left me in a different way and done things differently,
but she made the bed and now has to lie in it,she lost her son and alot of friends,my son lost his mum and his gran,(shes not spoke to him since her daughter left)
im sure my ex just thouht the split would just affect me and her not living with each other,and that would be the only change,
but it affects all family members extended and otherwise,
the knock on effect seems neverending....
im so GLAD i found DAD.INFO
i honestly think i would have just walked and never come back,my son would then be with his mum or in care,
care being the more lightly,
a year ago i was a mess with no light at the end,
a year on ive been through everything theyve thrown at me and come out the other end injured but alive,
all i can say to all DADS is remember who you doing this for >>>>your KIDS
and you will find the strenth to carry on,and with dad info you can see the light,,,
my god ive just re-read this and i sound like a ad for dad info 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

Your fee is in the post!!!!!!!!

You are right in a lot of this - every one changes once the relationship breaks down but some people will use the kids as a weapon against their ex-partner and that is not just the women.

You should look to engage in other posts as I feel your experiences will help others like they have helped you.

😀
i thought about other blogs and the answer is,i should do,its amazing that fathers seem to have the short end of the stick everytime,
ive took all advice from dad.info and i now feel i might be able to give some now,
[censored] hit fan again with cafcass they are putting my son through [censored] yet again tonight (meeting at cafcass with his mother)
ive decided to bite the bullit and wrote letters of complaint to the managers and copied in my mp/solicitor,and thier head office,
its got to the point my sons welfare is piority,and now my son is showing signs of violence, i refuse to put him through anymore
whether this goes against me or not, (i suspect it will), i am not giving up on this matter when the case is over,
this lady (cafcass) is a bully and if she can do this to my son (12) she would do it to anyone,shes willing to put my relationship and my sons safety (emotional and phyiscal) on the line to tick a box and make her feel good,
cafcass probly help a lot of parents and children,but this one has made more problems for her own power ego 👿

:woohoo:
my god wonders never cease:
last tues i hand delivered letters of complaint to the managers of the cafcass officer,
i did my homework,read all reports about this office from ofsef,
re-read reports made by the office,solicitors,ect.
i bite the bullit and wrote only the main points and my concerns,
today i recived a call from one of the head managers and she was very understanding and very helpful,
i was very honest and took some blame for my attitude to the officer in question,
i explained it wasnt about delaying court or about changing the officer,
ALL i wanted the officer to do was listen to my son and why he wouldnt go to see his mum,
just to try a differant approch, instead of he WILL go no matter,
commom sence to me find the problem,deal with the problem,then hopfully it goes away and he see's his mum .simple..
this manager whilst thanking me for beening honest and not blaming everything on her officer,would not say her officer had done nothing wrong,(surprise,surprise).
the manager (who has 2 boys the same age as mine) has said she cant do anything about the report that her office sends to court,
but she will write to the new judge a letter stating my son has no repore with this officer and she thinks it would be better if a new male officer would be appointed,as all interation has been female and my son is begining to mis-trust females,
if only these officers had listened to my son 14mths ago,he would have been seeing his mum (in my opinion)
this office has not got a good ofsted report,i think that helped as they wouldnt want anymore compaints,
but i'll take what i can.
i think cafcass officers who do not have children of teenage yrs should not be doing cases of this type,they just dont understand..
in any job expirence counts,,
in court nov 1st,,
i kow its not over but a least my son will now get the resources he deseves and i can see the light,
if he see's his mum its a bonus if not he will get help,it seem a win win at the moment for my son,
to all dads write that letter but be honest in your letter

That is great news and testimony to the fact that you need to keep going and don't give up

Hi Christorpher

Thanks for that post. In fact, what you have stated here is a good lesson in a lot of cases - fighting against the system doesn't work a lot of the time - you have to work within the limitations of the system, and accept that there are good people as well as some not so good working for the services (why should we expect it to be different from any other profession), and squaring up for a fight will only result in you hitting a brick wall. What you have done is take a step back, and try from another angle, and it certainly looks like it's paid off.

I have been doing the same with the CSA for years (I'm trying to get maintenance from my ex, not being chased for it) - they have been generally very helpful but they are bound by the rules under which they operate - from either side, they rules aren't perfect by any means, but nonetheless, they are the rules so it's a matter of working with the officers to find other ways to tackle the problems - in behaving reasonably, you can often get a lot further than you thought possible.