[Solved] son wont go

Christopher,

Wow - what a tough time you and your lads have gone though. I can understand why your eldest son doesn't want to see his mother.

I think the key point you made was that your son feels as if nobody is listening to him and what he wants. I would suggest you look at contacting a Child Advocate - specialise in helping a child get heard. Here is a link to the NYAS website - they are exactly the right people to advice both you and your son in this situation.

Just promise you'll pop back and let us know how its going.

Good Luck

Gooner

Hi Christopher

Welcome to Dadtalk

I hope that your situation sorts itself out because it sounds like your eldest needs some help especially as he is fast approaching his teenage years.

I have a question and it may be me being thick - why does he have a guardian?

your not being thick lol
its a legal term meaning he has sombody to listen to him but it turns out shes a social worker from the cafcass office with a solicitor
who should tell the judge about his wishes and feeling and to make sure there not mine,but being a do-gooder shes trying to make him go and threatening what would happen to me if i dont force him,its looking like im going to have to get him his own sol,because now he wants to see/talk to the judge himself,and i dont wish him to be in that court (not a nice place) as too many of us know

Whilst I agree that court is not generally a place for a 12 year old if he is confident enough then why not let him tell the judge - at least that way he gets it from the horses mouth and the risk of him running off will disappear.

It could be that he could record the conversation or something on video - or is that me watching too much CSI ???

I agree with SM - the courts won't normally listen to a 12 year old directly, but I think you have nothing to lose by asking the judge if he/she can speak to your son directly (and probably in private) because he feels he is not being listened to.

just an update on my son

we have CAFCASS ,then a gaurdianship with a solicitor (all women)
NOT a one has listened to him, its all dads fault that is all they say,
i found both caffcass and the gaurdian very threatening,and far from honest,
they were not intrested in why my son wont go,they were one minded and they will make him go no matter what the cost
ie (it will be ok in the end)
some of the statements they make or unbilivable
if he (my son) runs away they would sort it out if/when he comes back ??
weve just come out court yet again and yet again we have to go back but this time to a curciut judge who has more powers to jail me
well that should make things better and make my son see the mother who put his dad away,
hes not seen his mum for 14mths now,he has never changed his mind that hy wont even when threatened by cafcass,
if this was the otherway round and it was i that had affairs and beat her up that would have been that and i would have no say about seeing my son,but she gave birth so anything she's done or is doing is ok because its his mum....
now they are making him see her at there offices,,all these strangers on his back has done nothing but harm and made him evenmore
determined not to see her,but never mind they can just say its dads FAULT :boohoo:

Hi Chris...I'm speechless, I really feel for you and your son and I wish there was something I could do to help....

I was having a look at the blog of a wonderful woman called Karen Woodall. She is an author and works with parents with the same kinds of problems as you and is so knowledgable and well respected.... Perhaps if you contact her she may be able to help, its a long shot but worth a try.

www.karenwoodall.wordpress.com ....This is her blog....This woman has my total respect!

She is the Director of The Centre for Seperated Families which has a website, where there are details of how to contact them.

I tried to think of myself in the same situation and what I would do... You've said how mature your boy is, have you sat down with him and talked through everything? Perhaps you could suggest he attend the centre as required, it doesnt mean he has to interact with his mum if he doesnt want to... that way they cant argue that you are keeping him away... You could tell him that sometimes its better to fight the system from within...you could explain that you dont think he is in any way being disloyal to you if he goes...rather he is showing how grown up he is because as an adult we sometimes have to do things we dont want to do. Once there they cant make him do anything he doesnt want to do. It might be that after a few visits to the centre and if no "progress" is made they may back off a bit...In a way he would be protecting you by going... and showing them that he knows his own mind . As long as he's not rude or badly behaved they cant use it against either of you. This is not the ideal situation I know...

If you get him his own solicitor it just might help and that might be a way to allow him to communicate with the judge directly.

I feel for you mate. It seems that if it was the other way round, they would try and keep the dad away no matter what. How is your relationship going with your son? Is he open with you? Does he feel like your relationship is good with him?
It must be really hard for both of you.

😉
my relationship with my son is a great close one,
they have even used that against me,by saying he wont go because hes so loyal to me,
then on the other hand tell him his dad could go to jail,and he would have to live with mis mum,,that went down like a lead balloon,
its amazining what tricks CAFFCASS can get away with,
ive been ordered to take my son to there offices today so they can see him with his mum,its took all wk to get him to agree,lots of upsetting
moments for him,me and his younger brother,
hes told me what hes going to do/say.i hope he stays calm and uses his manners.(i cant see it)
last night and this morn has been very hard on all of us, CAFFCASS in thier wisdom have and are making matters worse,
my son is old enough to ge charged with a crime,he knows right from wrong,his school work is way above average,hes happy apart from his mum,hes not seen her in 14mths and yet CAFFCASS has said if he wont go then they would reccomend he lives with her,
HOW DOES THAT FIGURE,looking after his intrests,so statements made by CAFFCASS are unbliveable,
if they concentrated on the root cause of the problem,instead of (SHE GAVE BIRTH HE HAS TO GO) this could all have been sorted

....This is an awful situation for you both and I cant imagine how your son must be feeling.

I would take alll the paperwork, statements from CAFASS and anything else you have that shows how unreasonable they are being and go and see your MP, take your son and let him speak about how he feels and what the authorities are doing to him...its tantamount to abuse and any right minded person can see this. Tell the MP you have nowhere else to turn and that you are acting in the interests of your son.

Your local MP will have weekly surgeries and you can phone for an appointment. I have used my MP on a few occasions in the past, as have other Dads on here...and I have only heard positive results.

If you choose this path then the same applies as far as keeping calm and getting your point across in a measured way.... I wish there was more I could do....The best of luck to you both.

🙁 i dragged my son to CAFCASS offices,
the officer came and got him,took him into a room where his mum was waiting,and hour later he comes running out,crying and hugging me
the officer came out but my son wouldnt speak he ran to the car and locked himself in,i spoke to the officer and was told it went well until
his mum hugged him, (my son told his mum to p*ss off),my son then told me it didnt go well and when he wanted to leave the room,the officer and his mum wouldnt let him,hes not changed his mind if anything its made he more stubburn about not going,
i have to take him twice more yet,he wont go and as a dad how can i put him through that again and again,
the way this officer and cafcass are handling this case is very close to abuse and is in no way in the best intreasts of any child no matter his age,what i dont get is no matter what this officers reports are its a done thing,all weight is put on that report,i have had disagreements with this woman and that goes against my son,independant NOT

...Why dont you try your MP, you might be pleasantly surprised at what they can do. Have you thought anymore about getting your son his own solicitor?
This is child abuse as far as I'm concerned, it must be so distressing for you both... I can't imagine the turmoil your son is feeling.

I would seriously consider ringing Cafcass and asking to make a formal complaint. Get you son to write down exactly what he remembers happening and how he felt, and you need to do the same.

That's in addition to what Nanny Jane has suggested above.

😡
hii took my son to thier offices,
had to force him to get out of car,
the officer came out and took him in a room with his mum,i waited in reception after half an hour i could hear f,ing and jeff ing
i thought it was my son but it turned out to be a woman CAFCASS officer talking to her mate behind the counter,
she did say sorry and told me nobody could hear because the doors are closed,i told her that it was disgusting and i heard it and my son was in there,,but to my son,he came running out very very upset and crying,i wanted to speak to the officer but my son couldnt get out of there fast enough,i told him to wait in the car,the officer then told me it went well until his mother tried to hug him and all [censored] broke loose,
upon returning to the car i found my son had locked himself in and was punching the headrest,(BUT ALL WENT WELL)??????.
after he calmed down we had a good talk and it seems than he wanted to leave early and was told and blocked by the officer and his mum.
my son told the officer he will not go back,but the officer has told me i have to take him,i cant change solictor because the judge appointed her,i have since found out that appointed solicitors got with caffcas 90% of the time and hope it works out,
ive wrote to my MP and are awaiting a reply, ive been told to put a complaint in (BUT ONLY WHEN CAFFCAS HAVE FINISHED THIER REPORT) as this would be seen as ploy and would find its way into the report somehow ???.
i couldnt even make an appointment for him to see his own solicitor,he had to phone himself and then ask me if date and time given to
him was OK with me,the date is after his last meetin with cafcass, i just wonder if this is on purpose or not,
he told her over the phone what had happened and he would not be going, its a court order and she advises he must go
its disguting how hes being treated and i feel absolutley helpless,no matter what i say/do it is turned againt my son,in the meeting he told his mum in no uncertain terms how he felt (he told her to [censored] off)im not happy with that but i do understand why he did it,he feels this is the only way to make them listen,and now hes having nightmares a couple of days before he has to go again,hes told me how sorry he is for (as he sees it) hes making trouble for me.
CAFFCAS are pushing and pushing him and the only thing its doing is pushing him further and further from his mum,
they cant or wont see what there doing,

...Have you taken your son to see the GP? As he is so distressed and is now having nightmares, it might be a good idea to go and talk to your doctor about the psychological and emotional impact this is having on him. It might be that you could get the doc to refer you to a child psychologist who could give an independent report on the damage that this is doing to your son.

As you have written to your MP you could follow this up with a telephone call to see if the letter has been received and maybe talk to the MP or his secretary about the urgency of this case. They are usually pretty quick to act though...

Good luck with it.

:boohoo: i took my son to see our GP and he arranged for him to see a councellor,
we got an appointment through quite quickly but it was on the same day as the court hearing,when i phoned them to re-arrange
they asken me for more details,i told them about CAFCASS,THE GAURDIAN AND HIM HAVING A SOLICITOR,
thats when they said they COULD'NT do anything for him as other agencies ware involved,and it would be confusing and overwelming for him,and could possible be conflict of intreasts,this was the same answer from a private councellor,
as soon as i mention CAFCASS all doors shut,nobody wants to get involved, in ythe last 14mths ive found cafcass has all power over courts,solicitors and now even the NHS,my sons gaurdian is very young has no children,and has no clue,but she has a degree,
she has put my son through [censored] with the blessings of the court and worse of all by his mum,
what is the use of a judge appointing my son a solicitor of his own if they only go by what cafcass say in their reports and by phone,
these solicitors do not work for cafcass but are in NO way independent, ive looked at alot of cases both male and female on different sites on the net and a very high percentage of all have a very low opinion of how cafcass deal with things,i know some of the comments are sour grapes from people but a [censored] of a lot of them "won" their battle and still complained even some for thier ex-partners treatment by cafcass.
in my opinion cafcass should appoint 2 officers independent in every case 1male,1femail,if nothing else parents couldnt say its because shes a woman or vice verser,and if thier reports differ then the solicitor appointed to the children should be on her/his cliants side,and just because the woman gave birth shouldnt come into it,the child/ren wouldnt be here if it wasnt for both mother and father
fathers love thire children just as much as (and in some cases more)than the woman who gave birth, not all parents are good parents
and cafcass have to change their opion that all children are the same and need/want to be with both parents,this one rule fits all is outdated and damaging to the child they are there to help,children are a lot more older for thier years now and know what they want and more importentley the long term effects thier choice can have on thier lives,all parents would like to have thier children to be happy and have a childhood but they all know when that time has changed and thier children has grwn "up".but with cafcass this is only when that child is 16yrs and 1day,when the judge gives his final desion cafcas wash thier hands of that case never to be seen again,and leave in thier wake a child that will have more and more problems,it doesnt matter if it a man or woman who wins but the child will aways LOSE..
all parents try to do thier best as courts do in a no win situation,but cafcass who has a duty to the child fail that child alot more than they help that child,they cause conflit with parents who are emotion and uncertain what to do or say in the best intrests of the child,
6mths ago i honestly thought my son would see his mum in time,but after cafcass got involved i now know he wont,and i place blame for that squarly on the shoulders of CAFCASS and thier onemindedness

..I'm just gutted that you both keep coming up against brick walls all the time.

I cant think of anything else to suggest...I think you're best bet is your MP. They do have access all areas, and when they say jump, people do ask how high...

Try and take your sons mind off it all, go and do something fun together, some time out for both of you would be good....

Take care both of you.

:cheer:
thank you for your advice much needed,
i know my case prob differs form the norm as i have custardy of my sons,
but my heart goes out to the dads that cant see thier kids only because of thier ex's nastiness,
but i never thought how nasty these women could be ,dont they relise this is not helping or looking after thier own children ?????.
i would still do anything for my ex,but not at my sons expence,
i can only imagine what these dads are goin through,its true that mums can and do say anthing to get thier way,
but this is aways not in the childs best intrests,ALL children have rights to see both parents if that is what THEY want,without being influenced by mum or dad, i loved my ex for 16yrs,i thouht nothing was wrong with our marrige,(little did i know)
i never thought how nasty she would become (with help from her new bloke),
but if any dad is going thouh a spilt please becareful and DONT think this is the same woman you once loved,
thier will be only one winner and thats the solicitors,
your life,your ex's life will become a battle zone and your kids will be made to pick sides or just recede into themselves,this is no good to all parties,
how love can turn to hate so quickly is beyond me,
it should never be allowed to come to sites like this,and sites like mumsnet,
dont get me wrong i would have been lost if DAD INFO wasnt around,
just too know im not alone has been helpful and the advice is invaluble,
im just a dreamer i know,
alot of people have to change thier ideas of mums are best,not matter what..
and its so sad that its always is and going too be a battle zone,
so dads be aware dont bring a knife to a gun fight,and dont be like me at the begining and think its just the solicitors they work and take instructions off your ex,
its no longer love and you cant afford to think its the same woman you loved,its not ...
sad i know,
I know there are some parents out there that dont deserve to have thier kids but i do know that 95% +love thier kids and the kids love them,
i do belive WHAT GO'S ABOUT COMES ABOUT,im sure my ex wished she had left me in a different way and done things differently,
but she made the bed and now has to lie in it,she lost her son and alot of friends,my son lost his mum and his gran,(shes not spoke to him since her daughter left)
im sure my ex just thouht the split would just affect me and her not living with each other,and that would be the only change,
but it affects all family members extended and otherwise,
the knock on effect seems neverending....
im so GLAD i found DAD.INFO
i honestly think i would have just walked and never come back,my son would then be with his mum or in care,
care being the more lightly,
a year ago i was a mess with no light at the end,
a year on ive been through everything theyve thrown at me and come out the other end injured but alive,
all i can say to all DADS is remember who you doing this for >>>>your KIDS
and you will find the strenth to carry on,and with dad info you can see the light,,,
my god ive just re-read this and i sound like a ad for dad info 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

Your fee is in the post!!!!!!!!

You are right in a lot of this - every one changes once the relationship breaks down but some people will use the kids as a weapon against their ex-partner and that is not just the women.

You should look to engage in other posts as I feel your experiences will help others like they have helped you.

😀
i thought about other blogs and the answer is,i should do,its amazing that fathers seem to have the short end of the stick everytime,
ive took all advice from dad.info and i now feel i might be able to give some now,
[censored] hit fan again with cafcass they are putting my son through [censored] yet again tonight (meeting at cafcass with his mother)
ive decided to bite the bullit and wrote letters of complaint to the managers and copied in my mp/solicitor,and thier head office,
its got to the point my sons welfare is piority,and now my son is showing signs of violence, i refuse to put him through anymore
whether this goes against me or not, (i suspect it will), i am not giving up on this matter when the case is over,
this lady (cafcass) is a bully and if she can do this to my son (12) she would do it to anyone,shes willing to put my relationship and my sons safety (emotional and phyiscal) on the line to tick a box and make her feel good,
cafcass probly help a lot of parents and children,but this one has made more problems for her own power ego 👿

:woohoo:
my god wonders never cease:
last tues i hand delivered letters of complaint to the managers of the cafcass officer,
i did my homework,read all reports about this office from ofsef,
re-read reports made by the office,solicitors,ect.
i bite the bullit and wrote only the main points and my concerns,
today i recived a call from one of the head managers and she was very understanding and very helpful,
i was very honest and took some blame for my attitude to the officer in question,
i explained it wasnt about delaying court or about changing the officer,
ALL i wanted the officer to do was listen to my son and why he wouldnt go to see his mum,
just to try a differant approch, instead of he WILL go no matter,
commom sence to me find the problem,deal with the problem,then hopfully it goes away and he see's his mum .simple..
this manager whilst thanking me for beening honest and not blaming everything on her officer,would not say her officer had done nothing wrong,(surprise,surprise).
the manager (who has 2 boys the same age as mine) has said she cant do anything about the report that her office sends to court,
but she will write to the new judge a letter stating my son has no repore with this officer and she thinks it would be better if a new male officer would be appointed,as all interation has been female and my son is begining to mis-trust females,
if only these officers had listened to my son 14mths ago,he would have been seeing his mum (in my opinion)
this office has not got a good ofsted report,i think that helped as they wouldnt want anymore compaints,
but i'll take what i can.
i think cafcass officers who do not have children of teenage yrs should not be doing cases of this type,they just dont understand..
in any job expirence counts,,
in court nov 1st,,
i kow its not over but a least my son will now get the resources he deseves and i can see the light,
if he see's his mum its a bonus if not he will get help,it seem a win win at the moment for my son,
to all dads write that letter but be honest in your letter

That is great news and testimony to the fact that you need to keep going and don't give up

Hi Christorpher

Thanks for that post. In fact, what you have stated here is a good lesson in a lot of cases - fighting against the system doesn't work a lot of the time - you have to work within the limitations of the system, and accept that there are good people as well as some not so good working for the services (why should we expect it to be different from any other profession), and squaring up for a fight will only result in you hitting a brick wall. What you have done is take a step back, and try from another angle, and it certainly looks like it's paid off.

I have been doing the same with the CSA for years (I'm trying to get maintenance from my ex, not being chased for it) - they have been generally very helpful but they are bound by the rules under which they operate - from either side, they rules aren't perfect by any means, but nonetheless, they are the rules so it's a matter of working with the officers to find other ways to tackle the problems - in behaving reasonably, you can often get a lot further than you thought possible.

dont get me wrong,i understand rules are rules,but some cafcass officers bend these for thier bennefit and not for the child,
they are overworked and a quick fix is best for them,
i laid the ground work from advice i recived here,i wrote to my MP(not heard anything yet)
i told the officer i had,
then i wrote my complaint and copied it to the managers and my MP,this was stated at top of letter,
im sure just by them knowing i was willing to take this further,to my MP no matter the outcome helped this manager come to dont get me on the her disision,
dont get me on CSA,ive not recived anything yet,they ask her a question she tells them she has both kids over night,when she doesnt,i get letter saying im entitled to nothing because of this and it all starts again,nothing is back dated as my ex has to get letter off csa before they can decide which can take a long time she says same and we start again,
at least the old system (court) could sort it out faster,
cafcass has seen the deadbeat dads and tared all dads the same,this attitude has to change,but also the minds of all males has to change
ie: kids are better off with mum.......this is the case in a lot but not all,we all know its not easy to be a bloke,were still seen as the breadwinner, we still see ourselves as the provider and the protector,we still live in the dark ages thats until our marrige breaks down
then all our belifs,are turned against us,these belifs have been instilled for generations,things
are changing but cafcass and judges and their overall opinion of dads having thier children is not keeping up and are sill in the dark ages this has to change,anyone can study for a degree this doesnt mean they can be good at what they do,it wouldnt hurt cafcass to involve mums and dads that have been through the system,who could talk and more inportantly listen to the new families that are going though this,my cafcass officer has only been out of uni a couple of years and is still a bit of a kid herself,what the [censored] does she know/understand.not everything can be fixed with a book,
even our doctor was of the opinion that a mother couldnt/wouldnt do this,and this is all you hear,it must be dads fault mums dont do that
unless her husband forced her its all HIS fault even if you could tell them the truth,they would still think YOUR lying MUMS just DONT do that
i very cautious about court on nov 1st,this has more to do with how cafcass has treated us in the past,my son and i have lost all trust in them,and dont belive a word they say anymore, the more i try to protect my son the worse i feel,my son knows most of whats going on but not all,he just expects his dad will sort everthing out (dads can do anythig) but in reality we cant . we still say everything will be ok,
then we go to bed and worry all night,somtimes cry then get up tell him not to worry everthings will be ok,knowing dam well it might not be..
my dad has passed away but hes still my hero,i understand more each day what he did for me what he gave up,my parents had a long an happy marrige,they had problems as all do,but always put us first and i just knew my dad would always make things ok,
dads are so important to children,and sites like this are so important to dads,
the amount of dads and mums ive told to look at dads.info is a lot,
mums have told me it helped them too,just by reading and seeing what dads go through it opened thier eyes,
i will update you all on the outcome of court,
needless to say i thank all on this site for all help and advice given :woohoo:

...Total respect for your tenacity and complete dedication to your kids. Its stories like yours that will inspire other Dads not to give up, to keep on fighting! Best of luck to you!

😀
just this minute got post:
letter from cafcass:
the manager of cafcass office that i deal with has amazed me again (shes put in writing what she told me on the phone}
i should be over the moon but feel suspious.
in the letter she wrote that a change in the officer would happen and that it was NOT at my REQUEST,that she will be speaking to the officer in a supervised session (whatever that is).
she thanked me for my honesty and for taking some blame about the situation,and not putting it all on her officer,,
and confirmed that she would write to the judge about the change and the reasons for the change and she feels that a male officer might be the best way forward given my sons age,
but i cant get the feeling this was ALL to easy,after 14mths all the threats,bullying and pigheadedness of cafcass,1 letter had so much weight and changed everything,
i know i will never find out but feel this officer has other complaints on her record which has gone along way to this about-turn,
the letter doesnt say this but the letter also doesnt defend the officer in any shape or form,
i find this disturbing as the officer in question will just go on to her next case,but hopfully with more of an open mind,and with the kids uppermost in her mind,
I will take what i can but the feeling is this officer will take my complaint out on her next case,she is extremly biase and her dislike towards men who have custody of thier children is not a healthy one,
as with all this the kids will be the losers,
FOR CAFCASS TO WRITE SUCH A LETTER TO ME THERE HAS TO BE REASON ????????????

...It often seems that way when you've been up against a brick wall for so long... but it is that simple, because you made an official complaint and showed that you were serious enough to take it to your MP, they took notice!!
I imagine she's had a look at the case notes and realized that it hasn't been handled properly. If you take a look at the annual CAFCASS reports from a couple of years ago you'll see that they were failing in their quality of care right across the board, and that is according to OFSTED reports. To make the necassary improvements, they had to put in place all sorts of monitoring processes, CAFCASS officers are supposed to be closely monitored on performance and this has obviously fallen short in your case.

The annual CAFCASS reports make interesting reading! I was just having a look at the Annual Report and Accounts 2009/10. On page 34/102 the report talks about something which is called MyCafcass which is an online service for adults but more importantly, children, where they can feedback to Cafcass about the services they received...There is also something called Hear4U which is a peer mentoring service for teenagers, to help them through the process. It might be a good idea for your son to participate in this...I think the CAFCASS officer is the person to ask about it....it might be worth looking into as it might empower your son and give him back a little bit of control.

Well done and best wishes to you both!

:boohoo:
the ofsted reports are eye opening to say the least,
what i found more disturbing is the narrow way in which you can complain,but even more disturbing is the way a complaint can only be registered as official in a very limited way,this is just a way to keep numbers down in the ofsted reports,and doesnt reflect thier true failings,
no system is going to be great but cafcass needs to be more impartial,and not let personnal feelings cloud thier judgement,and stick to heart of cafcass that is the children come first and formost,that includes thier present and future emotional wellbeing and not just because its mum or dad,cafcass must be more open and truthful with parents, my officer has made it more of a battle,she's being changed now but that is after she put my son and i through [censored], we dont know the person that will take over,but my son has no trust left,the way he's been treated in the past by 2 other officers has been disgraceful and has left him scarred (belive me im not stating this strong enough)
the lies,tricks and attitude of cafcass must change,if someone has a real concern/complaint than it should be heard without fear it influencing the officers report, which in most cases IT does, the cafcass answer is you must bring it up in court,thats after the judge has read the report,nobody can UN-read a report,its just another way that has there view heard whether that view is right or wrong,or even if in the intrests of the child,its always going to be easier with younger children,but when thier older and understand more,the officer appointed must be expirienced with teens and relise just to say YOU WILL GO will not surfice they want to be treated as a young adult and not as a kid,
cafcass will never be liked by both parents but they compound the matter by liking one and disliking the other,and showing this.
this might not be put into words in the report but it is definitly in the wording and composit of said report,
judges hold these reports in such regard that it is cafcass who decide,so why have the judge in the first place

..There would be nothing to stop you complaining to OFSTED directly if CAFCASS continue to let you both down.

What did you think about MyCafcass and the peer mentoring service Hear4U? Might it be something you would look at for your son?

As far as the reports and the influence of the judge...When my son was in court fighting for Residency, he asked his Barrister to bring it to the attention of the judge that Social Services in our area were under an OFSTED improvement order, and that at the time they failed my grandson, didnt alert my son to the fact that his son was on the at risk register and didnt log any of the calls of concern my son made to them, was during the time that the OFSTED report stated that SS were failing in their duty of care to the children in their care. I dont know if this helped in any way, but it certainly gave the judge a broader perspective...and it doesnt hurt to let them know you're on the ball!! 😉

ive been trying to look at MYCAFCASS and HEAR4U,but cant find them,could you send me the link,
nannyjane your the one on the ball,
how can these people and cafcass not be held accounterble to anyone,
ive read that some officers have left,been sacked for questioning thier own methods and that of cafcass,
even ofsted seem to paper over them,and report on the miner points to justfy the reports.
some cafcass officers like mine dont just misrepirsent the truth they blatenly lie,with no comeback,
this isnt just about my son and the way weve been treated,its turning into a cusade these people are ruining childrens lives
all over the country,its not just the odd officer,
all the readin i have done and if i only belive 25% of the horror storiers that mums and dads have wrote,
surly there has to be a problem with cafcass and thier officers but it keeps getting brushed under the carpet,
there has been and will continue to be deaths of children or parents taking thier own life because of cafcass and ss.
HOW CAN THIS BE ALLOWED TO GO ON
some of the things ive read of are absolutly horrific and only get reported in main stream after the death of a child,
thank god for the internet....
i never thought children would be treated like this in the UK, other countries maybe but not the UK,

Do you know Christopher, I couldn't find the links either! I've been on the CAFCASS website and no sign of a link anywhere...I think perhaps you might have to ask the Cafcass Officer for more information on how to access it, but I'll keep looking!

You're right about accountability, or the lack of it. Its endemic I'm afraid...when I worked in the NHS I was apalled at how things would get swept under the carpet... they close ranks and it happens everywhere. Every now and again one of them gets caught out and an example is made, but then things just carry on as before! Attitudes need to change and it needs to be from the top down. Unfortunately the decision makers at the top rarely have to face the consequences of their actions, its those on the ground floor that are hung out to dry...

thanks,
ill ask but dont hold any hope

here we go again,cafcass officer phoned again,shes putting my son through with contact again,my son has been a pain since he found out,
the officer even said she doesnt think he will go but i have to take him anyway,50 mile round trip,she knows how upsetting this is to my son
the officer knows she is being replaced because of her actions from nov 1st .unbiliveable

...Why dont you phone the manager that you spoke to previously, she may be able to intervene. Tell her what the officers response was about her not thinking he will go anyway...you never know!

Don't you just love them - aren't they supposed to be doing what is best for the children?

took my son to meeting,he was a pain all morning,the night before he was restless and got little sleep,on the way there he was very upset and loud with some choice words,i calmed him down and we turned in to the carpark,and **it hit the fan,
15 mins later he went quite but refused to get out of car,i went up to office and told the officer she came down and he wouldnt budge,
now she tells me her report will say he doesnt want to see his mum and a child psyco might help,
i asked for this 15mths ago and cafcass told the judge my son didnt need this it would do more harm than good,needless to say the judge went with cafcass. after putting my son throuh [censored],they go with my recommendation of child physo,talk about shutting the door after the horse has bolted.
in court on thurs,new court,new judge,new cafcass officer,i can only hope at least one of these start listening to my son,
his wishes and feelings have been disreguarded and spit upon by cafcass and this officer,
i will let you know the outcome on thurs,if im not hung drawn and quartered lol 😡

well, on the plus side, it looks as though you and your son may finally be getting the message across. I would suggest in court that you encourage indirect contact (letters, cards etc) as a judge will take more kindly to that than no contact at all.

:boohoo:
court was a eye opener,
the judge came out all guns blazing at me,slightly at his mother and then commented on cafcass disision to get my son counseling
(which i applied for 12mths ago and cafcass said NO,
the judge said it disturbed her that i had wrote a letter of complaint about the officer and callied her a bully,that the officer had just been doing her job,( there are right and wrong ways and i belive that she did her job the wrong way)
i was not allowed to say a word my barrister was sat 2 rows ahead so i couldnt talk to him,
the judge reguards me as letting my son the choice as abuse of parenting,
new judge same s***,
but at least my sons going to get conceling,and the judge will talk to him in the presence of the new cafcass office :woohoo:
the judge also said she was concerened about what my son told his GP about his mum,this was in the report,(as of yet im still waiting for report)but think it was her lack of interation (letters,tx and such not being sent)
the judge ordered his mum write at least once a week,
his mum has been told this by me,cafcass and the guardian but has never done it,
back in a court on 12dec sort out xmas,
im sick of being threatened that my kids will be made to live with thier mum if my son wont go,
hopfully my son will get sorted and change his mind after some counceling,
it would never have got this far if they cafcass would have listened to me and my ex about getting my son help in the first place,
and just saying its his MUM he must go then hope for the best is is wrong,
and for the record i stand by my letter of complaint,cafcass has to much power and they know it and abuse it 😡

;;)
new cafcass officer Number 3.......
this officer came to see me last wk,
what a nice man,
firstly he told me about himself, he's been divoriced has children and one at my sons age,
then he asked me about how my wife had left,
he said and i quote " he's concerened that nobody has listenrd to my son and thats the first thing he's going to do"
he does'nt belive making my son go to thier offices of any benifit whatsoever as its not a natural setting.
he agree's that my son has gone through a [censored] of a lot and he wont try to make he go but will try to get why he wont go,
and go from there'
i think this officer will stick to what he said,he seems more concerened with my son and not just making him go,
the thing i liked the most about him,he hadnt read any cafcass reports that had been done and did not threaten me in any way,he was annoyed that the other offices had told my son that I could get in trouble and go to jail....
what did SUPRISE me the most was when i said (if it was me that beat the [censored] out of her and left then i wouldnt have a hope)
to which he replied "i would have to be tested for alchol,anger management,and jump through all kinds of hoops"
and not only agreed but ask me if i had thought about asking her to do all this hoop jumping,
I DO REALLY THINK MY SON WILL BE LISTENED TOO NOW and not just "its dads fault and he will go"
officer back tomorrow to speak to sons,
if cafcass listened in first place this could have been resolved a year ago,and at little cost not the 10s of £0000s it must be now.
3 sols,3 barristers,2 judges,3 cafcass officers and now a child councellor,and he still wont go,
this has to be over oneway or the other as this is affecting my son more and more,
im still going ahead with complaint and my MP has asked cafcass CEO to review to case..........

Slowly but surely 🙂