[Solved] son wont go

Christopher,

Wow - what a tough time you and your lads have gone though. I can understand why your eldest son doesn't want to see his mother.

I think the key point you made was that your son feels as if nobody is listening to him and what he wants. I would suggest you look at contacting a Child Advocate - specialise in helping a child get heard. Here is a link to the NYAS website - they are exactly the right people to advice both you and your son in this situation.

Just promise you'll pop back and let us know how its going.

Good Luck

Gooner

Hi Christopher

Welcome to Dadtalk

I hope that your situation sorts itself out because it sounds like your eldest needs some help especially as he is fast approaching his teenage years.

I have a question and it may be me being thick - why does he have a guardian?

your not being thick lol
its a legal term meaning he has sombody to listen to him but it turns out shes a social worker from the cafcass office with a solicitor
who should tell the judge about his wishes and feeling and to make sure there not mine,but being a do-gooder shes trying to make him go and threatening what would happen to me if i dont force him,its looking like im going to have to get him his own sol,because now he wants to see/talk to the judge himself,and i dont wish him to be in that court (not a nice place) as too many of us know

Whilst I agree that court is not generally a place for a 12 year old if he is confident enough then why not let him tell the judge - at least that way he gets it from the horses mouth and the risk of him running off will disappear.

It could be that he could record the conversation or something on video - or is that me watching too much CSI ???

I agree with SM - the courts won't normally listen to a 12 year old directly, but I think you have nothing to lose by asking the judge if he/she can speak to your son directly (and probably in private) because he feels he is not being listened to.

just an update on my son

we have CAFCASS ,then a gaurdianship with a solicitor (all women)
NOT a one has listened to him, its all dads fault that is all they say,
i found both caffcass and the gaurdian very threatening,and far from honest,
they were not intrested in why my son wont go,they were one minded and they will make him go no matter what the cost
ie (it will be ok in the end)
some of the statements they make or unbilivable
if he (my son) runs away they would sort it out if/when he comes back ??
weve just come out court yet again and yet again we have to go back but this time to a curciut judge who has more powers to jail me
well that should make things better and make my son see the mother who put his dad away,
hes not seen his mum for 14mths now,he has never changed his mind that hy wont even when threatened by cafcass,
if this was the otherway round and it was i that had affairs and beat her up that would have been that and i would have no say about seeing my son,but she gave birth so anything she's done or is doing is ok because its his mum....
now they are making him see her at there offices,,all these strangers on his back has done nothing but harm and made him evenmore
determined not to see her,but never mind they can just say its dads FAULT :boohoo:

Hi Chris...I'm speechless, I really feel for you and your son and I wish there was something I could do to help....

I was having a look at the blog of a wonderful woman called Karen Woodall. She is an author and works with parents with the same kinds of problems as you and is so knowledgable and well respected.... Perhaps if you contact her she may be able to help, its a long shot but worth a try.

www.karenwoodall.wordpress.com ....This is her blog....This woman has my total respect!

She is the Director of The Centre for Seperated Families which has a website, where there are details of how to contact them.

I tried to think of myself in the same situation and what I would do... You've said how mature your boy is, have you sat down with him and talked through everything? Perhaps you could suggest he attend the centre as required, it doesnt mean he has to interact with his mum if he doesnt want to... that way they cant argue that you are keeping him away... You could tell him that sometimes its better to fight the system from within...you could explain that you dont think he is in any way being disloyal to you if he goes...rather he is showing how grown up he is because as an adult we sometimes have to do things we dont want to do. Once there they cant make him do anything he doesnt want to do. It might be that after a few visits to the centre and if no "progress" is made they may back off a bit...In a way he would be protecting you by going... and showing them that he knows his own mind . As long as he's not rude or badly behaved they cant use it against either of you. This is not the ideal situation I know...

If you get him his own solicitor it just might help and that might be a way to allow him to communicate with the judge directly.

I feel for you mate. It seems that if it was the other way round, they would try and keep the dad away no matter what. How is your relationship going with your son? Is he open with you? Does he feel like your relationship is good with him?
It must be really hard for both of you.

😉
my relationship with my son is a great close one,
they have even used that against me,by saying he wont go because hes so loyal to me,
then on the other hand tell him his dad could go to jail,and he would have to live with mis mum,,that went down like a lead balloon,
its amazining what tricks CAFFCASS can get away with,
ive been ordered to take my son to there offices today so they can see him with his mum,its took all wk to get him to agree,lots of upsetting
moments for him,me and his younger brother,
hes told me what hes going to do/say.i hope he stays calm and uses his manners.(i cant see it)
last night and this morn has been very hard on all of us, CAFFCASS in thier wisdom have and are making matters worse,
my son is old enough to ge charged with a crime,he knows right from wrong,his school work is way above average,hes happy apart from his mum,hes not seen her in 14mths and yet CAFFCASS has said if he wont go then they would reccomend he lives with her,
HOW DOES THAT FIGURE,looking after his intrests,so statements made by CAFFCASS are unbliveable,
if they concentrated on the root cause of the problem,instead of (SHE GAVE BIRTH HE HAS TO GO) this could all have been sorted

....This is an awful situation for you both and I cant imagine how your son must be feeling.

I would take alll the paperwork, statements from CAFASS and anything else you have that shows how unreasonable they are being and go and see your MP, take your son and let him speak about how he feels and what the authorities are doing to him...its tantamount to abuse and any right minded person can see this. Tell the MP you have nowhere else to turn and that you are acting in the interests of your son.

Your local MP will have weekly surgeries and you can phone for an appointment. I have used my MP on a few occasions in the past, as have other Dads on here...and I have only heard positive results.

If you choose this path then the same applies as far as keeping calm and getting your point across in a measured way.... I wish there was more I could do....The best of luck to you both.

🙁 i dragged my son to CAFCASS offices,
the officer came and got him,took him into a room where his mum was waiting,and hour later he comes running out,crying and hugging me
the officer came out but my son wouldnt speak he ran to the car and locked himself in,i spoke to the officer and was told it went well until
his mum hugged him, (my son told his mum to p*ss off),my son then told me it didnt go well and when he wanted to leave the room,the officer and his mum wouldnt let him,hes not changed his mind if anything its made he more stubburn about not going,
i have to take him twice more yet,he wont go and as a dad how can i put him through that again and again,
the way this officer and cafcass are handling this case is very close to abuse and is in no way in the best intreasts of any child no matter his age,what i dont get is no matter what this officers reports are its a done thing,all weight is put on that report,i have had disagreements with this woman and that goes against my son,independant NOT