[Solved] HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!! CRAZY BABY MOTHER

Glad you have sorted the CSA out, it's not un commen to have to pay through CSA I have to do the same dispite never missing a payment to my ex for 18months, it's just how it is.

Just think that if you do work overtime it's only 15% they take from you.

You may be angry at your ex but actually she has to cloth, feed and give Alex a home and that all cost money.

I personally don't think the law needs to be changed in relation to paying for your children, it is there to protect, too many dads don't face up to thier responsibilities and this law ensure they do, I'm not implying this is you in any way as I know you have said you would always pay her, but too many dads don't.

You asked "what now guys"

Well Now this is out the way move on, look at the court order and getting contact, don't look for reasons not to do things, remove the barriers that you feel are stopping you and look at the reasons you have to get it sorted, your son is waiting for you and you need to be there for him, and you can be once you get the court proccess moving.

I guess you then need to sort somewhere to live so you have somewhere to take Alex when you do get to have him (which you will) All you need a enough room for yourself and a cot to start with so he has somewhere to sleep (he will need naps even if he isn't staying over night with you)

Forget your feelings for his mum they will only get in the way of you moving forward and getting contact with Alex.

And most importantly don't forget we are all here to support you, and help you through this proccess, we will give you advice and offer suggestions of how to do things when needed, There is also lots of online information to help and of course John the coach, Fell free to continue asking me anything you may need via txt aswell.

Darren

thank you darren it has helped..

i am feeling like somthing has been lifted now the csa is out of the way... whats i really need is help with the court process now.

and getting myself to be a better person.. this has all come at me at once and ive been hit with it as a shock its taking alot for me to adjust to this.. its hard when someone hates you so much they will do everything they can to bring you down or make things difficult.

i pronted off the forms.. who can help me with filling them out?

Might be worth having a word with the cclc on filling the forms out.

As to what you do now, you concentrate on yourself. Since you've been feeling down, you've possibly been neglecting your health, so that is your first priority - eat healthily and start exercising, as well as getting you fitter, exercising releases natural chemicals that combat depression. If you are feeling better about yourself, you'll have a better time when you are with your son. 🙂

some of the best advice ive ever had..

im gonna get all the details sent off and then im gonna get myself back in the gym

i sent her an email..

I have just spoken to the CSA and they have advised that they will be taking
£160 from my salary for Alex each month.

I understand that you do not want any contact with me but I really would
like to send something for Alex each month.

I do not want to upset u anymore then I have done so please don’t think that
is my intention. I would just like to send something so he has something
given to him from his Daddy.

I hope that in time you will allow me to see him as it is breaking my heart
not seeing him. I am happy to work around u and see him at times that suit u
and I promise that if u give me the chance to see him I will not start an
argument with u or even speak to u if u do not want me to.

I know I have not been the man u wanted me to be and I know that I did not
show u the love that u deserved to be shown and believe me I hate myself for
that.

Please let me try and make this right. All I want is to be a dad to my son
and hopefully in time show u that I am not that man I used to be.

Losing u and Alex made me realise how selfish I was and how I need to start
putting u both first.

I hope u can find it in ur heart to give me a second chance to be a father
to my son and if u give me the chance I will give 100% of my heart to him
because without him I feel that a huge part of me is missing and its killing
me.

I love u both and please don’t think I don’t and I am here if any of you
need anything.

then she replied with this

Hello

Yes I've been informed this morning of the situation and that will help towards alex.

Yes its unfortunate that it is only now that you have decided to be reasonable and unfortunate that I no longer wish to try compramise with you. I tried and tried to be reasonable but was never good enough. Because there is no family unit in london and you have not supported alex in over 4months I feel that you have not done enough as his father.

Yes you treated me unfairly and there is not much point in talking about the past its called the past for a reason. Untill I feel satisfied I will not allow alex out of my care unless in a contact center. You can send whatever you like and I will give it to alex.

Maybe in the future when things are more grounded then we can talk about visits away from a contact center but it won't be in the near future.

Its a shame things are the way they are and I fell that it is in our sons best intrests that for now contact is avoided out of suprivised visits. Visits with alex at my mums are not working and also with me are not working.

I've moved on with my life so there is no hope of getting back together. I'm happy and being treated how I should of been treated.

Take care

Well this sounds as though you will manage to get somewhere.

Just take things slowly, don't try and rush it as you may end up setting yourself back again.

Glad your are managing to think straight and get things moving

darren its hard struggle mate.. i miss her more than i can explain.. how you guys can move on and find anothe women is beyond me.. all iwant is her.. and fighting my feelings with what i have to do is killing me so i dont think im dealing with it i am just doing what i kno i have to do to stop someone else being my childs father...

believe me i amd feeling lower than i ever have with this whole thing.. one thing thinking she will find someone else the other is knowing that its happened.. and that what ive done will affect me and my sons life forever...

I know it's tough and you don't feel like it will get easier, but it does.

I know this sounds difficult to believe at the moment, but given time you will see, you have already managed to move forward enough to start to think clearer about what you need to do.

Keep it up, and don't forget we are all here form support.

Darren

This seems quite a private conversation but I just wanted to say that we are all rooting for you fella, the first three to six months will be horrible but it will settle down.

How long it takes is different for everyone - good luck with it!!

im greatful for all the comments.. and believe me this is the only thing thats keeping me going...

im digging deep to fight how i feel but its dragging me deeper into depression...

i know councilling wont help... ive been there and it didnt work.. i just want my life back and i dont want another man to take my place..

Hi cbm, counselling can help, but it's a slow process. Give it time and it will get better.