[Solved] Fathers Day

As it is Fathers day soon I thought I would share this - about what Fathers are supposed to say - I am ashamed to say I am guilty of many of them!!!

Dads on Life:

The entire Dad philosophy centres around how life is unfair.

"Who said life was fair?"

And, don't forget:

"Get used to it."

"When I was your age, we didn't (bla bla bla), we had to (bla bla bla) and we were happy."

Persuasive Dad Logic:

You could argue with your mother, and you could occasionally even score a few points. Not so with your father. Fathers have an entire arsenal of irrefutable arguments to persuade you do anything, and for which there is no comeback.

"Because I said so."

"And that's that."

"It will build character."

"You'll understand when you're older."

"I will turn this car around."

"A little hard work never hurt anybody."

"The lawn isn't going to mow itself."

"Or you can spend the afternoon picking your teeth off the floor."

Dad's Rhetorical Questions:

Fathers are the KINGS of rhetorical questions. A quick word to the wise: never attempt to answer one of your father's rhetorical questions. Unless, of course, you want "five across the eyes."

"Are you going to do something productive with your day?"

"Can I get five minutes of peace and quiet?"

"What happened to your allowance from last Friday?"

"Do you think I'm made of money?"

"If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"

"Did someone see that duck?" (after passing wind)

"Were you raised in a barn?"

"Do you think your mother and I were put on this Earth to clean up after you?"

"Do you think I'm talking just to hear my own voice?"

"Who is making all that racket?"

"What were you thinking?" (Answer: "You weren't thinking.")

Dad Medicine:

I'm amazed that there are so many fathers that are doctors, because their ability to treat injuries seems to be very limited. Here is their entire arsenal of home remedies:

"Run it under a cold tap."

"Walk it off."

"Rub it."

"Blow on it."

Dad Directives:

For the final collection, I've put together a list of quotes that every father must memorize and use on a highly regular basis.

"Don't get smart with me."

"Smarten up."

"Ask your mother."

"Don't talk back to your mother."

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

"Go play outside."

"Go pick up your room."

"Don't sit so close, you'll ruin your eyes."

"If you sleep with your head under the pillow the tooth fairy will kick your teeth out."

"You're going to eat it, and you're going to like it."

"I don't want to hear a peep out of you."

"Get your elbows off the table or I'll knock them off."

"I'm not going to tell you again."

"Every day is kid's day" (said on father's or mother's day)

"Do it right or don't do it at all."

"[censored]. Bed. Now."

"I have had just about enough of that."

Happy Father's Day!