[Solved] Christmas is for Kids

well it seems like she will do anything to [censored] u off so dont let her u should take a few lilttle presents and then leave the rest at home for when u have him and tell ur son that those presents r frm u and santa is bring the rest of them and then it keeps u both happy

Hi there

I think it is great that you are sharing this with your ex but I think she is then doing her level best to scupper these plans. Perhaps you should tell her what you have done rather than what you are doing and actually why tell her at all - you are entitled to do what you like with your child when they are in your care!

Have you got a formal arrangement sorted? If she is starting to mess you arounfd then perhaps it is worth getting this sorted?

Think sgordon24 has got the right idea,. Take a few token gifts on christmas day and then he can open the rest when he is with mme on boxing day ..

As for formal arrangements, no, nothing in writing.Have looked into mediation, but i dont think she would abide by the mediation which then in turn would go to the courts. Im not really in a situation to afford the court costs so I could do with avoiding this action at all costs but at the same time i dont wanna be a push over anymore.

Im just gonna stick by my guns for now and just have him on the dates im suppost to. unless she gives me at least 2 weeks notice changing the plans then the dates stay. If she changes the plans a week before then i just wont have him that weekend. maybe then after a while she wont make plans on my days

In the past she just says she has plans with him on my days and if i dont change the days then i wont see him. So i normally just change then to suit her so i can still see him.

MikeO

I'm sure i'm not alone here in saying......its all about control......she has it and you have to do as she says.....that's how it is and how it always will be until she calms down and starts to see its about the kids not you and her!
you'll read many stories here with similar events and restrictions placed on the parent who just wants to see his kids.....its about them showing you who's boss........unfortunately they are because they have the kids and you're the one who wants to see them more.

without her seeing sense you will need to be tough at some point.....i stood my ground 26mths ago.....i had enough of her dictating when/where/who with and how i saw my little one.....and i've seen much less of him in the 26mth since then becasue she saw it as i was challenging her directly....not that i was actually only wanting unrestricted time with my little one.

if you make a stand now you may find yourself in similar situation to many on here and the 36,000 other families fighting through the courts to see our kids! (the figures quoted by F4J)

Don't give up on your kids........and only you will know when its time to end the control.....take a few gifts on xmas day...but keep the rest at yours for when they come visit......if you turn up with none it's great ammo for the ex to tell the kids you don't care enough about them and maybe prevent further contact for a while!

So in other words I should just bow down to her demands

Or at least make her believe what she wants to believe.

I keep telling myself that when he is older he will realise what she is really like and things will change.

But he is only 4 so I've got a long time to wait : /

Only you can decide what is best for you.

my little lad is 5 now....i've had very little contact with him since his 3rd birthday.....i'd be "allowed" by her to see him for a few weeks or even a couple of months at a time when the courts ordered her to stop playing games....and then it'd be a couple of months before she'd do what the courts told her to do!
its now been 4 1/2 months since i last saw him....and thats despite having been awarded a Defined Contact Order at the beginning of this year!!! i'm just waiting on the courts now to actually sort her out.........but if it were that simple there wouldn't be Pressure groups like Fathers4Justice around would there!

Hi Mikeo, my son is in exactly the same position and we are fighting through the courts, for all restrictions to be lifted and over night stays. my son has to drive a 200 mile round trip in one day for a 7 hour visit, and cant leave the area. and yes untill we get a court order she can do this. we have to sneak around , make things up its disgusting. we have just had an early christmas day in a pub as it was the only way we could do it, he wont see her now for a month , due to mum being busy doing family things. we are expecting her to kick off as im sure my grandaugher whos 3 will have said who she saw and as only two people at a time are allowed in one visit !!
My son was also to scared to disobey or question as every time he did, she stopped contact. we have had the first hearing, nothing happened apart from they have to try mediation before the next hearing, which we have to pay for £100 an hour, im going to retrain ! Im hoping the next hearing we can at least take her home, the situation is stupid. I would go xmas day and take a few presents, do not tell her anything be very vague. we sent a few things back as it would of been unfair on her , getting presents then not having them, but we have a toy box now with activities in so she as things to do with my son rather then wander round all day. The only way you will stop this control is to take her to court but even then they can still controll it to a point

Thanks for your replies

From what im guessing it doesnt matter what i do , mediation, courts. At the end of the day she still has the last say, she can do as she pleases and there is nothing i or anyone can do about it.

If I go through mediation, its going to cost me £100-£300, which she will then still do things her own way which then i take her to court which then costs thousands... even then she will not do as she is told and then i would have to report this to the courts and that could take months to get sorted.

There is no way out.

Anyway.... here is the latest..

This weekend im due to see my son on saturday at 6pm and drop him off at 6pm. Im out on a works christmas dinner and drinks on friday night so saturday i may feel slightly rough, then saturday me and the missus are going doing the final christmas shop. Then we will pick my son up. Thats the plan and it has been all week...

Until............ I get a phone call saying she needs a favour, she wants to go to the Christmas markets with her friends and wants me to pick him up early. My first thought it yeah ill drop everything cos i wanna see my son as ive not seen him for two weeks and when i spoke to him on the phone earlier from his grandma's he said he misses me and its been a long time since he last saw me.. Then my second thought was...... NO i need to stick by my guns. i cant or shouldnt just drop everything and change my plans to suit her like i always have.

what do you think ??

Only you can decide what is best for you.

my little lad is 5 now....i've had very little contact with him since his 3rd birthday.....i'd be "allowed" by her to see him for a few weeks or even a couple of months at a time when the courts ordered her to stop playing games....and then it'd be a couple of months before she'd do what the courts told her to do!
its now been 4 1/2 months since i last saw him....and thats despite having been awarded a Defined Contact Order at the beginning of this year!!! i'm just waiting on the courts now to actually sort her out.........but if it were that simple there wouldn't be Pressure groups like Fathers4Justice around would there!

Can you let me know what the outcome of the courts is. Thats a joke.. There is just no rights for us dads. People spend thousands going to court to sort the situation out and then nothing really changes... whats the point ?!?

Hi Mikeo, my son is in exactly the same position and we are fighting through the courts, for all restrictions to be lifted and over night stays. my son has to drive a 200 mile round trip in one day for a 7 hour visit, and cant leave the area. and yes untill we get a court order she can do this. we have to sneak around , make things up its disgusting. we have just had an early christmas day in a pub as it was the only way we could do it, he wont see her now for a month , due to mum being busy doing family things. we are expecting her to kick off as im sure my grandaugher whos 3 will have said who she saw and as only two people at a time are allowed in one visit !!
My son was also to scared to disobey or question as every time he did, she stopped contact. we have had the first hearing, nothing happened apart from they have to try mediation before the next hearing, which we have to pay for £100 an hour, im going to retrain ! Im hoping the next hearing we can at least take her home, the situation is stupid. I would go xmas day and take a few presents, do not tell her anything be very vague. we sent a few things back as it would of been unfair on her , getting presents then not having them, but we have a toy box now with activities in so she as things to do with my son rather then wander round all day. The only way you will stop this control is to take her to court but even then they can still controll it to a point

She is treating your son like he has just done a 15 year stretch for murder... such a shame.. is the childs mother the only child ?? does she have brothers or sisters?? did she grow up with her mum and dad ???

I ask these questions cos i am interested on what kind of mother does these sort of things..

See my up bringing wasnt the best, I never had a mum or dad in my life until i was 8 and ive never had a real father figure in my life, which has made me want my kids to have everything i never had when i was a kid.

Makes me think that these mothers that stop their kids from sein their dads were brought up with a mum and a dad so they dont know what its like to be without. Or they are the only child so they always got everything they wanted.

I dont now why im trying to understand these kinda women cos its a well known fact men cant understand women FULL STOP lol..

she comes from a family with mum, dad bro and sister, but for some reason she does seem to get spoilt. she constantly says she wants the daddy around, but only allows twice a month. she as only one child. I can so understand why men walk away. we will carry on the fight but its not easy. we have just been qouted 5k to fight on our behalf but no way have we that sort of money, so we stand alone, it costs £200 to do it your self, but then you have to travel, book time off work and the stress is horrid. My son is lucky he sees his daughter he is still scared she will say no you cant so we walk roundd on egg shells my heart goes out to the men that dont even get allowed a phone call, its disgusting.
I would have your son early but pick him up from her house or meet at the shops

Can you let me know what the outcome of the courts is. Thats a joke.. There is just no rights for us dads. People spend thousands going to court to sort the situation out and then nothing really changes... whats the point ?!?

I will be updating as and when i've been to court again yes.

The biggest issue i have with the courts/system and my ex is.........none of the expense was needed....if i had slandered anyone i could be sued for costs and damages.....so how come i can't get my costs back having been lied about and emotionally abused for 2yrs??

SHE can do and say what she likes, make false claims and allegations....then be proven a deceptive liar through the court hearings...make delays/break magistrate orders/breack county court orders....all adding more pressure/costs against me.......and i can't get a penny back!!!
makes my blood boil......

i wonder how long i could get away with breaking court orders....failing to abide by court rules??

the system seems very much loaded against the father....ok i should be politically correct and say NRP (Non Resident Parent) mostly fathers!!!
The Govenment says we fathers disconnected parents will get more rights to contact with our children....however if the F4J's are right in their interpretation its not quite as simple and we don;t really get any better rights only more restrictions.

I for one will not be holding my breath for a fairer system to protect our children from these evil ex's!!