Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hello,i need some advice on what to do.I recently slipt up with my ex wife in may and has since moved back to london were i work and live now,she lives in brighton with my 3 year old daughter.ever since the split up she has made it very difficult for me to see my daughter,she some times let me have my daughter for 2 days and when ever thing dose'nt go her way she would stop me from seeing her and even say stuff life your daughter is better of without you,this has been going on since may this year.The big problem am having with her is that when she goes out drinking she always takes my daughter to different house of her friends to look after her,she gets childs tax credit and i pay her £30 every week since we split up and i have suggested to her to put my daughter in a nursery from monday to friday,instead she takes my daughter to nursery only 3 days a week and pockets the rest of the money and spends all alcohol and going out.
i have written her letters telling her about this issues and that its not fair for a 3 year old to be passed from one house to another on a daily basis but up until now i have heard nothing from her,so i have booked for us to attend a mediation together to sort out this issue and the appiontment is for 9/01.2013
on the 18th of this month i ask her if i can have my daughter for christmas cos she had her during her birthday and she sent a text back saying yes and to pick her up on 23/12/12.i drove to brighton on that day hoping to pick my daughter up but she refused to anwser her phone so i had to drive back to london and on getting into london i got a phone call from brighton police saying that they wants to speak to me that my ex has made an alligation against me that i threaten to kill her and that i was coming to stab her when i got to brighton,they advice me to go to my nearest police station which i did and i was arrested for threat to kill.i finally got bailed the next day 24/12/12 and the threat to kill was dispose due to the fact that there was no evidence to support her claim.
My question is should i cancel the mediation and go to court to file for a contact order because i do not want to go for the mediation and for her not to make another alligation against me and if i should file for contact order do i have to go to county count in brighton or can i do it in london???
ANY ADVICE PLEASE AS I HAVE'NT SEEN MY DAUGHTER NOW FOR OVER 3 WEEKS, THANKS
Hello dad81,
Welcome to the forum, I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through. You have definitely come to the right place.
Firstly I would like to commend you on trying your best to remain the reasonable parent, by arranging mediation and also making the effort to try to see your daughter.
Make sure you keep a record of all the text messages you send and any other correspondence, this will be important to prove your good intentions. Is there any body else, that can act as a go - between, a friend or member of the family who knows you and your intentions, but is close to the mother of the child.
In regards to cancelling mediation, I would advise that you talk to the mediation service about what happened over the Christmas period. If she has brought allegations of violence against you, you need to approach this carefully.
Keep your head up and keep us posted with your progress
Thanks for the reply,i would call the mediation service and talk to them but my friend how has gone through the same process adviced me to go to court and take out a contact order because the police has been involved and that i would not need to go mediation anymore.
in regards to the alligation she made against me?the police are not taking any action because there was nothing to prove that i threathen her so the alligation has been dropped.
Hi there,
Welcome to the site.
I would say the same, talk with the mediators and see what they say before rushing o go to court.
The fact that the police haven't pursued the allegations will help your case, should you have no option but to go to court.
Keep us posted and if we can help in any way just ask.
Darren
thank once again guys,i have now spoken to the mediation team about what happened over xmas and due to the fact that the police said its best going to court than meet with her was my only option.
i have now canceled the mediation and applied for contact/prohibited step and specific order due to the fact that she has once abandoned one of her child and her alcohol use,this is why am applying for the three orders to keep an eye on my daughter
i have a court dat for 5th of febuary and i was wondering if anyone could advice me on what to do or how to go about this on the hearing day as i have never done this before,
any advice would be much appreciated,thanks
Have you read yoji's "guide to representing yourself" at the top of the legal eagle section (we'll move the post into the legal section in the next day or two anyway) as this will give you a lot of information to be going on with.
If you are paying your ex money on a weekly basis I would suggest 2 things if you are not doing it now,
A, Pay by standing order or similar
B, Specificy set the order saying child maintance/care costs
As if she goes to the CSA and you cant back up you are paying they will cause you no end of grief.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.