[Solved] when is a Dad not a Dad?!!!?

.....a Dad is always a Dad, and you are proving to be a great Dad because you haven't lost sight of the most important thing in all of this, your children.

when all dies down and everyone has got things off there chest you'll realise you never stopped being a dad it's just a change of circumstance and soon things will get better

when i seperated from my wife i was the big dissapointment but now things are better not perfect by hey they still see me as dad..

Thanks guys...

I know it's still early days (and things will settle eventually)...it's just difficult trying to hold things together (like work and emotions)...things will probably get better once the separation is settled to the point where I can get "my own place" for the kids and I...

I've got 4 girls and one boy (in the middle)...he goes to high-school after the summer and loves his laptop...so I talked him into getting a raspberry pi kit...so he can learn more about programming (and do it together too)...

Sometimes I do find ways to put my kids before my own "real needs" to get on with separation and having a home again..

Hope to feel like a proper Dad again soon.... 🙂

Hi Skottiedog

I'm not sure whether you intended to post in the blog section - it's meant for dads (or anyone) to blog about their experiences or thoughts, and is ideally to be continued. If you did intend to continue this, then excellent, but if you didn't, then can we persuade you to anyway - it would be good for other people to read your experiences, and it will (hopefully) help you when you express your thoughts 🙂

Never really blogged before...so if it sharing feelings and experiences can help others...maybe I should continue..

It's quite a shock to the system...realising that you can lose something that is a gift that most of us find ourselves taking for granted (our partners, families and most of all our children)...

It's a horrible way to learn what's important, but that's the only part of the last 10 months that I wouldn't change. Maybe it's the type of person I am but I've had so much time to analyze and dissect the why's and wherefores of my situation...it's taken a lot of soul searching and some good friends to realise that it's not all my fault and to stop blaming myself (and I can't put a price on what I have learned about myself and life in general). However, it doesn't stop my from getting really upset about the effects on my kids...I mean, I have had to forgive my x2b for her behaviour (that led to me leaving), but I don't know if I can forgive the way her selfish behavior has (and continues to) affect our children...

On the brighter side...I get to be a proper Dad for a week...people may say I'm crazy taking 5 kids to a caravan...all 6 of us in a confined space...lol...I may be demented, by the end of the week, but I'm sure we will have fun...

After all, surely fun is what life should be about 🙂

skottiedog - Please continue blogging. I am finding your posts really interesting.

Gooner

..I mean, I have had to forgive my x2b for her behaviour (that led to me leaving), but I don't know if I can forgive the way her selfish behavior has (and continues to) affect our children...

On the brighter side...I get to be a proper Dad for a week...people may say I'm crazy taking 5 kids to a caravan...all 6 of us in a confined space...lol...I may be demented, by the end of the week, but I'm sure we will have fun...

After all, surely fun is what life should be about 🙂

Definitely keep blogging - what you are posting is making very interesting reading.

As for the part I quoted above, in a way it sounds like you are in something of the same situation I was in a few years ago, except I haven't so much as forgiven my ex for the way she behaved with me, I just don't have any feelings either way, it was more a case of understanding my own feelings. As for forgiving her for her behaviour for the way she treated my children - she has never accepted that she did anything wrong, and prefers to blame everyone she possibly can (including the children sometimes), so I will never forgive her for that.

Thanks for your thoughts and reflections!

I can't imagine what you and many others on the boards here have gone through, but I will try to sympathise as much as I can.

Me again....

Been on holiday (with the kids) and working away on the near continent....

How was my week with the kids?

Well...having 5, I've discovered that I can only hold down 3 at a time when they're fighting (have to use shouting techniques to control the other 2)...just kidding...can't say there weren't moments that normal parental stress levels didn't inflame the "ball of anxiety" that has sat in the pit of my stomach (at various levels of weight and size) since my x2b decided she wanted a future that didn't include me as her partner 11 months ago.

Was great just to spend time with the kids, watch them play and investigate the seaside (and other places) in between moaning for ice-cream, drinks and sweets...and it was fun 🙂

Finally beginning to understand the source of that anxiety...

Other than the numerous emotional pain and changes of circumstance I have experienced, the real issue stems from the general mental image of the path my life was on...for me (and maybe for some of you) the simplified version was that I was married and was working hard to provide for and bring up my kids with my wife, that they would become more independent, go to uni / college / jobs / move-out / get married and (as our kids needed us less and less) my wife and I could rediscover ourselves together (more and more) returning to doing "couples" things (and continue to grow old disgracefully)...so what happens when something changes that image irrevocably......well.....now that my "path" is "gone for good" (coupled with my as yet unresolved separation) I find myself struggling with the inability to create a new mental image of this path of my life will take me...in essence...I'm in limbo...when you're in limbo you may not know which way up you are, where you can go or what you can do about it...when you don't know what to do...you become anxious (or panic)....

Although it's good to understand how and why you feel a certain way...it doesn't necessarily make it better...had so much good advice from friends about dealing with the anxiety (from traumatic events in their lives) , however, I'm trying to use it rather than numb it down with drugs...may not be the most sensible choice (when the stigma attached to Valium or Prozac is so much less these days) but it's my personal choice to try and learn to listen more to the way I feel (and use that to know when I need to stop, start, do more or do less of whatever is making me feel that way)...

Anyway life moves on and every day that passes is a day closer to a solution and resolution of my separation...I know that this will be a defining point from which I can move on, put a stake in the ground, look deeply into the distant horizon and (hopefully) see some of the possible routes my new life can take (for me and my kids)...even better if I can use my life experience to nudge some of the forks and crossroads into a nice winding country road, but not a nice straight motorway ('cos life would be boring without some twists and turns)...

Take care all you dad.info folks...I'll be back...

🙂

Yes, the mental image of the path... that's a big one. I can identify with this... one thing I will say is that anyone who claims there's an easy 1-2-3 solution to getting that back is trying to sell you something 🙂

I can identify with quite a lot of that. I never used drugs (prescribed or otherwise) but I think they can play their part (prescribed drugs that is) for a limited period, so if you feel it's getting too much, go and see your GP sooner rather than later. Having said that, you seem to have a handle on the situation - it can take time to move on, especially if you had plans for the future and those have been taken away, but it does happen. 🙂