[Solved] Twisted Ramblings of a Mad Man

....yes but she is under court direction and the case has been left open for review. Some judges want parents to buck up and start cooperating with each other and this is her chance to do that. If she doesn't then I pretty sure defined order will follow.

but wouldnt this be a contested hearing with lay magistrates and thus back to the legal advisor

Ordinarily if it's been before a DJ, any contested hearing 'should' follow with a DJ. Like Mojo says, your ex is under court direction so if she messes about you can write to this judge and ask for new directions. If she doesn't co operate it's likely an order will be made anyway.

no, this isnt the case. This was clarified by the clerk. This was judge led conciliation. The DJ was clear this would not be present before her again and it would go before the lay magistrates and would need evidence et al

I know each judge and court can do things differently and you mentioned this was a pilot scheme of sorts although it's unusual. I guess you are going to have to see how it goes between now and December and if there are any problems with the directions, write to the court.

Well my option is to write to the court to STOP a contested hearing, other than that I await a december court date

Im also taken aback by an accusation of violence and a claim she told CAFCASS but asked them not to include it.

[censored]?!

so the latest;

I missed a court date yesterday as solicitor didnt point out that a date had been set, the hearing made some decisions and said "after mid december".

From what I can gather nothing has been decided, personally happy with things at moment.

Court 'order' was

midweek day - I work 4 days longer hours and overnights fri or sat.

Order reads

midweek day.
weekend day until october when progresses to overnight with increasing hours until november
thereafter
fri overnight week 1
sat overnight week 2 (unless we agree swaps)

Now on not turning up to court the ex is 'interpreting' that this reads as thereafter meaning midweek days has been dropped and its only once a week - despite overnights commencing in october and having midweek, we attend a class etc which seems like a punishing tactic by her and her solicitor (not court - unless the LA has said its also ambiguous and somehow given credence to this) although I do not know.

I just dont get what she wants, how she wants me to be in the childs life, shes mentioned recently that she will be returning to work full time at some point and therefore believes my midweek day is 'unfair' on her as she doesnt get one, she is returning for career, not finances I may add. Child lives with her of course. I requested a further overnight the day before the full day which has been 0745-1800 shes rejected saying I should have another night, explained this would mean I have to return to work on that day so lowers time with me, increases with a childminder alongside increasing financial cost.

Hello all,

An update and good news!

Just before christmas the ex stopped the midweek contact Id always had (although this is notoriously the day she cancels on me) we had been attending swimming classes. This happened after I accidentally missed a court date. Then started with further game playing, ie "do you want child new years day?" "yes I can have dinner til bedtime", "you can have 10am-dinner" then claiming Im refusing the extra contact shes offered etc etc.

Anyway, back in court this week and they awarded a CAO for one full day per week, my day off work and every other weekend for fri-sun or sat-monday.Then whatever else but as is always said on here, if that worked, we wouldnt be there!

Its finally over!! and to be honest although elated and telling everyone that had supported me from the moment I left court when it got to that evening I was just completely flat, I sat and cried for about half an hour. I feel much better and more confident today, her "you're 15 mins over the allocated time" will just be plain ignored, I can challenge the same things she repeatedly quizzes. ie losing contact if I didnt replace a sun hat by 5pm that day.

Interestingly, for the first time in the whole process her solicitor wanted a pre-convo about their "offer" which immediately aggravated me but I kept calm. Refused to read my position statement just tell me the score.

They were still pushing for a no order principle again as throughout. I was unrepresented and just sat alone. I stated that throughout this experience it had been evident that agreements werent being stuck too and I was being marginalised. She barely denied just stated that I wasnt the version of myself I was presenting in court etc etc.

We got dismissed for the magistrates to think, they brought us back and after "careful consideration" decided an order was in the best interests. I didnt speak, I dont even think I said thank you, I was numb.

Interstingly I had the same difficult legal advisor but it seemed these magistrates needed less guidance. Furthermore, the bloke spoke to me, the women watched her - social experiments running in my head.

So I was given for eg.

every Wednesday 8-6pm (which I adapted for work)
fortnightly fri 6pm until sunday 12 noon

Previously I had 6pm to 6pm so theoretically this is less time.

They made plenty of comments about how this is until 18 years old but that obviously the child will have a voice at some point.

Questions:
I wonder then, if I cannot do wednesdays in say 4 years time (and not at school) am I now the responsible party for finding childminding on that day?
She is named as resident parent - does this invoke the 28 day holiday thing (is this per year or per period)?
As child gets older, how do I get a midweek overnight or indeed have the weekend fri-mon (seeing as she wants to rotate for work)?
Or is that IT now?
What should I look out for on order that HER solicitor is composing?

I didnt really ask anything and didnt have any advice at the time, I was overwhelmed with the idea that she can no longer control everything so heavily. Just accepted without thought.

Well done - a good result.

In answer to your questions (where I can)
I wonder then, if I cannot do wednesdays in say 4 years time (and not at school) am I now the responsible party for finding childminding on that day?

The order says when she must make the child available - it is not an order saying that you MUST attend. However, if it's a one off, I would say that you are better trying to negotiate with your ex to swap a day, but if not, then paying for childminding is probably the best solution to avoid any fallout.

She is named as resident parent - does this invoke the 28 day holiday thing (is this per year or per period)?
Yes this is the case - this link helps (right at the bottom) http://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/parental-responsibility/

As child gets older, how do I get a midweek overnight or indeed have the weekend fri-mon (seeing as she wants to rotate for work)?
Any variation of the order would have to go back to court, but if you and your ex can arrange an alternative, then that's up to you - but I'd get it in writing.

I have always wondered

does 28 days mean up to in a given holiday or per year?

ie if they have parents abroad

what would stop a 28/7/28/7 and so on pattern

Also

Doesn't say make available says

Applicant shall spend time with