[Solved] Twisted Ramblings of a Mad Man

Saw little man on Saturday.

Notice a rub/popped blister, he had no symptoms of being ill and didn't even bother when I touched it, returned to his mother and she went bananas 30 minutes after I left, she said it was only a red mark this morning (bothered to mention as she wasn't worried about it). Long story short we end up in urgent care accused of neglect leaving my son with an infected foot (I actually only saw it 30 mins before) with me being told 'not to [censored] start' when I asked if I should hold him whilst she registered (as she rang 111 too). So I sat their, across from her and her mother who noticed the boy looking at me and smiling, staring etc "shall I give him to X", the ex? "no he's had him all day" clearly this isn't going to be a smooth process.

2 hours later, the nurse, doc not seen as useful, says its just a rub, keep an eye on it.

I lost an item of clothing that she wants replacing by yesterday this was raised on the phone call regarding urgent care, so seems on a par with his blister thing. Despite my purchasing it originally, and sending money each month. Ill end up replacing.

She's started to "play the system" by the look of it. It's time to keep a journal/diary to record all events concerning your child and ex.

Where possible try not to communicate with her by phone, texts and emails are much better as you can keep a printed record. If you do. Have phone contact transcribe the conversation immediately after.

Can I install a call recorder?

I don't see why not...recording someone without their permission is a bit of a grey area, but I seem to remember it has been allowed as evidence in past cases.

wish I thought pre CAFCASS now, just to reassure myself.

"A one-way street paved with double standards"...and contradictions.

Few other bugbears creeping into my ever weakening psyche today;

A lady at work admitted to having thoughts to drown her child with PND, told HV, misreported as an attempt, social care came around and nothing happened. Can you ever imagine saying you felt that was as a father?

co-parenting/parallel parenting - its seen as consistent and good for the kids if you co-parent and fulfill as many boundaries as possible. But what does this mean in the long term, it means keeping mums rules and if you dont, its not in the best interests, what if you disagree with mums parenting? boundaries? We'll end up not placing appropriate boundaries in through fear, fear mum will collect the children, resist contact etc etc.

A mum falls asleep on the couch every night after drinking wine, you have to apply to court and prove it. Yet a mother can say I want drugs tests, LFT with NO grounds. Im stopping contact as Kylies sisters boyfriends cousins dog smelled booze on you, I could tell by the way he wagged his tail when I asked him. Its all about double standards.

Anyway even with the above the case of my own is getting more and more contradictory...

I apparently gave verbal consent to travel in June thats why booked, I didnt, thats why she emailed me telling me she could and the grandparents rights thing, she said 10 days but didnt see son for 20 days.. As above you'll notice mum was at the hospital, so shes returned from foreign home. The reason for going. Apparently this was to see father who is too ill to travel. Yet Ive received a letter saying shes going again in August which is 4-5 weeks after returning for the parents wedding anniversary, how does this work? It was so urgent and I was unreasonable? yet is going again so soon? and again theres no attempt at conversing with me. yet she claims to be accommodating, flexible and valuing of my relationship with son.

Yet everything on here says stay child focused, that court wont be bother about these emails, how fair is this? so I get systematically bullied and if I raise that as concerning Im not thinking about the future and the best interests of the child, I [censored] am, thats why Im in court. Ive to swallow it yet its exactly the reason Im there this disproportionate use of power and control, it enables her to continue with this behaviour. As seen earlier contact is supposed to be minimum yet nearly three months down the line shes refusing on the basis of stuff set in april (she claims), yet saturday tells me thats how itll be, 'hes had him all day'. It so [censored] awful.

More mudslinging today and telling lies.

I don't know why I'm writing really, probably because I feel so disillusioned at this particularly time with the judiciary. They say to both parents "go and talk, work something out." What a stupid thing to say and expect when you're dealing with the other party who, in my opinion is verging on insanity, has no sense of reason, rationale and decency, ridiculous.

I watch my Son go through all of this and read on here of other fathers experiences and I'm lost for words how these women get away with it. I don't understand how they can be seen to be fit mothers.

We had a hearing a few days ago and every accusation that has been levelled at my Son and us, his family, we had proof all were lies. No one was interested ! Laughable (if you can laugh) if it was in a criminal court the perpetrator would be jailed for perjury. I'm probably being too negative but it seemed such a shock when we hoped to expose her and wasn't given the opportunity. There seems to be no one who dare challenge these women, what a disgrace !

On a positive note, I must say 90% of what we requested regarding contact was granted.

Keep plodding on Twiston. We'll all get nearer to where we want to be, in the end.

You will have an opportunity to put these things forward at your directions hearing. Emotions run very high during proceedings, don't rise to anything just keep focused on the bigger picture 🙂

I don't know why I'm writing really, probably because I feel so disillusioned at this particularly time with the judiciary. They say to both parents "go and talk, work something out." What a stupid thing to say and expect when you're dealing with the other party who, in my opinion is verging on insanity, has no sense of reason, rationale and decency, ridiculous.

I watch my Son go through all of this and read on here of other fathers experiences and I'm lost for words how these women get away with it. I don't understand how they can be seen to be fit mothers.

We had a hearing a few days ago and every accusation that has been levelled at my Son and us, his family, we had proof all were lies. No one was interested ! Laughable (if you can laugh) if it was in a criminal court the perpetrator would be jailed for perjury. I'm probably being too negative but it seemed such a shock when we hoped to expose her and wasn't given the opportunity. There seems to be no one who dare challenge these women, what a disgrace !

On a positive note, I must say 90% of what we requested regarding contact was granted.

Keep plodding on Twiston. We'll all get nearer to where we want to be, in the end.

You're more than welcome to post, what you're saying is stressing me beyond belief, I try to remind myself Im not crazy, this is crazy making! But noone else sees it like that.

Perhaps the court are trying to focus on progressing this, I mean, they dont really care, from what I gather you get a warmer reception from a medic in A&E.

Is this, though, because they wish to progress things rather than look backwards, its the court. I want her exposed to, but I think thats for my benefit sometimes, particularly in my case because she has poisoned my friends and I want them to know she has lied and lied about me. My biggest fear is them believing it, however, did they believe it? or did they just ignore you both? You got 90% of contact granted (or was that agreed?) what stage was this and ages of children etc?

....there are no easy answers...in part it is the courts desire for progression. I also think its partly that these professionals get desensitised, they hear these stories/allegations so often that they just stop listening. They are only interested in the child, they don't want any involvement in the vitriolic between parents, unless it encroaches on the child. Plus it's a civil court, if they were to act on every false allegation or flouting of procedure they would be so bogged under...they're barely coping now since the changes to legal aid!

I'm sorry you are so stressed, it's much better if you can separate your emotions from the process...it helps a lot to become dispassionate and approach it as a solicitor would.

As MoF says, they got 90% of what they asked for, that's more confirmation that its advisable to ask for more than you would settle for.

Can I install a call recorder?

As I recall, you can not record a call without the other party being made aware of it first if you intend to rely on it in court, though a judge can optionally allow it to be heard. However, it's legal to record a conversation for your own reference purposes - so recording it and then transcribing it is technically legal. If you do this, keep the recordings anyway, even after you've transcribed it - that way if your ex says that the conversation never took place, or wasn't what has been presented, you can tell the judge that you have recordings to back it up.

However, as in another thread, be very wary of trying to trap your ex into saying something - stick to what is best for your son.