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Hi AllI have only just joined the DAD.info site recently, as i am going through a bad time with my ex partner, and her stopping my children having contact with me,due to us seperating 2 yrs ago!! (i know 2yrs!!) contact has been off and on since i met and married my wife, i have 2 kids to my ex and the split needed to happen as it was constant arguing, so i left, i did not want the kids seeing this anymore!! So ever since the split me ex has been very bitter towards me and has been using them to get to me, but is totaly blinded by hate as to what she is doing to my 2 little babys!!
I went to a solicitor in the begining of the split, and we were refered to mediation, this was all looking good as we both got our issues out on the table and we came to an agreement about the contact, this soon broke down as her mother (the mediator) did not want to carry on due to stress, so contact was broken again!! this went on for a while, then off, then on e.t.c, so i contacted anothe solicitor, and they said that we would have to do mediation again if i wanted to take her to court, i was fine with that but my ex said no, shes not doing it, i went along any way for the fist appiontment, as i wanted to build as much evidence against her for when i did get to court, after this i contacted a family contact center in Manchester, we agreed that if i paid a small fee and both parties were willing to take part there should be no reason for us to use there facilitys, she said NO!! again, so to cut a long story a bit shorter, i have started gathering all my evidence aginst her for court, as i am going to represent my self, and to tell you something, i have never felt so confident and strong knowing i am doing this my self!!
It may seem a bit of a mission 🙁 , there is only 1 person who knows and can tell it like it is, and thats you!! So all i can say is, stick with it, never give up and most of all, remember there your children just as much as hers!!
That's great day! I look forward to hearing about your journey....doing it for yourself is very empowering! More importantly doing it for your kids!
Good for you, and hope it all work out. I'm also separated from my daughters mother. Fortunately for me I do get regular access pretty much every weekend for 2/3 nights. As much as this is great I know this could stop at any point and often feel at mercy of my ex My ex often plays her cards with light threats. Ideally I would like guaranteed access. Do you think it is worth upsetting the apple cart or should I only consider court action if really needed.
I'll move this to legal eagle at some point.
I would say that as you are getting the access you want, I really wouldn't do anything to upset that, in fact since courts want the parents to go to mediation first these days, you wouldn't get anything in court anyway, and what is mediation going to achieve - at best, your ex is going to agree to what you already have.
I think you hit the nail on the head - there is really no point in upsetting the applecart over something that may never happen.
I'm sorry to hear that...how far along are you with the process of contact? Have you had a hearing yet?
I have started my second job so i have as much finacial backing as poss!! i have been struggling with my situation with not seeing my kids to tell you the truth, i pay the highest amount of CSA for them cos thats what she claimed wen we first split, and now i am going to be paying out again just so i can see them!! its all wrong, its made me ill, so hopefuly i will try and build my self up to start court asap!!
It might help if you attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, you will get lots of legal advice and the support of other parents in your situation. Here's a link to their webpage where you can find details of meetings locally.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
Of course it goes without saying that we will try and help as much as we can.
Have you checked out the CSA calculator? You can check if you are paying the right amount....just google CSA calculator or go to the Child Maintenance Options website.
Yeah i have done all this, when we first split i was seeing the kids, but she applied for CSA and told them i dont have any contact what so ever!! there for she got the most she cud possably get off me!! i contacted the CSA and told them this was wrong as i have been hving them over nite, but all they did was ask her if this was true and she said no, so i got a letter back with a little paper calender saying the payments are going to stay the same, and to mark down every nite they stay witrh me for a consistant 52 nites in a year ( 1 nite a week) and they can reduce payment!! thats along with any proof like Mc donalds recepts i get to prove i had them!!! this is all wrong and its things like this that have sdded to me being ill, no support what so ever from this goverment!!!
I know, it's grossly unfair but if you go to court and are awarded overnight contact you will be able to use this as proof that you do have them and get the amount reduced at that point...it's not great but its something to work towards.
Good luck at the meeting, I'm sure you will get plenty of support to move this forward.
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