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heres my blog i have kept a diary since it all began and im glad i did as its been a good refrence point for events that have happened . im writing this as a way of getting it of my chest and incase it can help any other dads in the same position ............................ september 2012 after nearly 15 years of bieng together and 3 months away from getting married i looked down at the side of my bed seen an array of empty alchaol bottles and realised i had been drinking to try and hide away from something .. a few days later i called my ex down and my 3 girls and explained that i didnt want to get married and infact we were splitting up .. funnily enough our girls were quite happy as they had had enough of all the arguments and my ever depressing moods .. i had also lost my job at royal mail due to my drinking so i began to rebuild my life stopped drinking and got myself a new job and things started to get better i was still living in the same house but on the settee . problem was i was starting to want the relationship back so i tried but she had got used to the idea and infact was glad it was over she felt free and felt she now had control of her life . this is when i started to become erratic with my moods one minute happy next mad and angry and snapping at everyone ..so much so i didnt even notice that she was growing closer to a friend of mine 10 yrs her junior i had got him in to help decorate give him a bit of experience bit of money in his back pocket .. i suppose during december i knew but didnt want to admit it we carried on arranging xmas but with her becoming more and more disatant and staying out a lot sometoimes days on end .. christmas day was horrible there was a horrible atmosphere come 12pm she walked out and didnt return till 11 that night stating i had ruined xmas etc .. on the 27th she left the house and didnt return till 1st jan early morning on jan 1st i woke up and just knew there was something up i went down stairs and did what i wished i hadnt and hacked into her facebook account and watched in horror at the messages .. she had infact been seeing my best friend .. i know technicly we wernt together but it still hurt that whilst i was away working they were in our bed ..... i acted in the normal way at first and sent a message to him and her tbf i didnt threaten them unfortunatly my eldest woke up and read the message ..eventually i calmed down spoke to a few friends .. later that day she turned up mob handed and demanded the kids .. her family said if i didnt let them in oir the children go with them i would be arrested and be done for kidnap .. i was already in a state and the girls were crying so i at the time thought it was the best thing i spent the next week with no contact with them apart from a message saying they were ok .. 2 weeks later my grandparents phoned to say she wasnt coming back due to my behaviour and that she had gone to the council and police to report domestic violence and abuse .. luckily police basicly threw her out and the council told her to either move back in or lose her tenency and make herself intentionally homeless .. so i did the honourable thing and moved out to allow my kids to have somewhere to live and have some kind of normality .. i also met with my love rival and wished him good luck here started my continuing battle to have an active part in my 3 daughters lives ................part 2 coming
i was allowed 2 visits in january then there was no contact at all there was various amounts of mesages sent via facebook vieled threats from both sides but i could never get anywhere on the contact front by now i was living on my sisters couch i had sold my car so i could live on something and i spent my nights crying myself to sleep id gone from plodding through life to losing everything eventually in february i pulled myself together enough to seek legal advice where at first a polite letter was sent to my ex .. my reply was in the form of a domestic abuse organisation no one had heard of informing me my ex had been a victim of domestic violence at the hands of me and that i f i tried to contact her etc i would have an injuction against me .. i was gobsmacked i had never layed a finger on her i was a mouthy git but never violent .. i showed people and wow instead of backing me they came out with the olde " no smoke without fire" [censored] .... in that instant i lost most of my world ... i visited my dad and step mom nearly every day as they lived 5 minutes from my girls and they used to see them at the school when they picked up there grandson i just wanted to be near them and hear they were ok and missed me (which they did) at the time there mom was saying that they couldnt see me yet as i had to sort out my problems out and prove i wasnt mentaly unstable and an alkiholic and that it had to be done legally .. i killed myself every day i was there and eventually i couldnt help it and "bumped " into my eldest as she walked home from seniors school she was happy to see me and i told her i loved her and her sisters .. this spured me on more and i went and seen my solicitor again who sujested mediation ..meanwhilst my ex and her family were busy going around all my family and friends and informing them i was a violent control freak that kept my ex basicly a hostage in her own home and was an allround bad person . amazing what people really think of you !!! i attended my mediation appointment and low and behold she didnt just refuse she didnt even bother replying ! so next step application to court the start of a very expensive process it had now been 2 months without contact apart from seeing my eldest twice for about a minute .. i had started giving my step mom some sweets and the odd gift for her to give the girls just so they new i was still thinking of them its all i could think of doing at the time ... my grandparents were still having contact with the my girls through dance so i knew they were ok but missing me . i was driving past my olde house one day when i saw my girls getting out of there moms car my oldest seen me and waved and i just couldnt do it i swung the car around and got out there mom was gracefull and allowed them 2 minutes with me outside my youngest ran in and got me pictures they had drawn even though her mom said no i grabbed a couple of pictures as well .. it had been over 2 months i gave them the biggest hug ever told em i loved em and drove of crying ..during this time i had been speaking to my eldest on social network sites which her mom had allowed then not then allowed .. i was working hard and PAYING hard and everything seemed to be taking ages my first court appearance was in june and it was only end of april i had had my birthday and eventually got a birthday card and it was also coming upto my eldest birthday she was 14 it was going to be the first time i would not be there for her birthday .. at my dads one day he decided to tell me of his experience when he split from my mom when i was 5 my mom had made it hard from to the point of getting injunctions on him and his family .. he just said to think about how long it could take the strain on me the cost etc (me and my dad have got an amazing relationship now i got back in touch when i was 20) i took all of 1 minute to decide i wasnt giving up on my girls id been there from birth id played a major role in there life sharing feeds changes taking to school etc i loved them and i know they loved and missed me i just new it would be a hard battle as i was fighting her and her family who were [censored] bent on taking a vindictive revenge game ..
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