[Solved] mothers threats

Hi There,

For me this is an easy one, I know that for you allowing them to go to the shop on their own was ok, but if the mother doesn't like this then just don't allow it again, it's quite a small compromise really, you don't have to bow down and say you will follow what she has said, but just be mindful of it so that you don't get any more issues.

Everyone has different views on how much freedom children should have, we have only just started letting our 10 year old walk part of the way to school on his own, I drop him part of the way there and by this time there aren't any busy roads to cross and he isn't actually that far from the school, but many of his friends still get taken to the school gates.

GTTS

The issue for me is the threat to the children's' self belief and confidence, the fact that she is using the threat of the police is having a negative impact on them, how do I moderate this behaviour the kids are worried that they will get their dad into trouble. What happens when I do something else she doesn't like. This form of controlling behaviour is at the heart of the matter, it's not about the kids it's about their mother and what she wants.

Hi there just thought i'd add my piece.

Judging on this day and age we live in a media fueled scaremongering society. I totally agree with what the previous poster put. We should pick and choose when is the time to fight and when to just submit. I would recommend talking to your children about it, explain that it is the view of their mother and that although you disagree that you respect their mother's wishes. Put the ball back in her court so to speak. Most of all I think it's important to show a united front with the mother even if you don't always agree. Overall working together is what will bring the best out in your children and i'm sure they would learn a lesson or two from it.

I agree with the advice you've been given. When myself & the kids Dad used to disagree on safety, suitable tv or games etc, it just resulted in hostility between us and our kids playing us off against each other. I wrote to him and suggested that we back each other's rules up even if we didn't particularly agree with the decisions, this really worked as it made us respect each other more and had a really positive effect on the kids as they knew we would present a united front on such issues....

Difficulties in these situations are usually about the resident parent trying to control the contact and flex their authoritative muscles. A little compromise goes a long way to ensuring the children aren't torn or put in that position.

Perhaps you could both write a list of potential issues and try to agree your stance on each one, or consider attending Mediation together where you can talk through all of these matters and pre empt other difficulties?