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Well this could be a long one.
I had my first taste of mediation yesterday and it went awful. I now only see my son every other weekend. We was in 2 and a half hours. My ex has said I forced her to let me have my child as often as I did (which I dont, More of her wanting to go out and changes when I can have him to suit). She said this is what she wants because she wants family time with her new bf (1 month old) and the mediator said that is what the courts would allow and give. How do I argue or barter with that? she said it in front of the ex so she was laughing.
Then my ex kept changing her mind on how little I get to see my son. even the mediator got confused. Then I said I wont agree to anything till I understand. For the mediator to turn around and say. We have been doing this a long time and now this is going to cost whoever is paying a lot of money (she said it really nasty) So I snapped, I know bad move but couldnt help it, I said I am paying and want to understand it. This is my sons life!! so we are staying until I understand!! Luckily the mediator realized and instantly changed her tone and attitude towards me.
For those that dont know. I work full time normal in the week mon-fri 8am-4pm. My darling ex works weekend night shift Thurs-sun 10pm-6am
How can me only seeing him every other weekend be fair when shes working?
Its a joke that she is allowed to have her new partner look after my son when she has only been with him a month. Long term I can understand, as in, If her work pattern changes or my lad starts education etc....
I really dont like the mediator. Surely she can not say that is what the courts would offer. What do I do? WE now have a 2 month trial of doing this. Which I said I am backed in to a corner and have no choice but to agree. But did state as long as her work pattern changes or she goes back to education And should be sorted by next mediation. But I only get to see him 8 days in the next 61 day. heart broken. and dont know what to do.
All I can say is I know its not how much time you spend with my boy and its about making quality time count. But 8 days in 2 months. You surely should have more then that. justice for dads. Where is that!!!
Hi Colin,
This is a set back, but give mediation a go and see if you can turn it around, as we have said before at least if you have been then if you end up having to go to court then you can show you have tried.
I think the mediator is wrong to say every other weekend is all a judge would allow as they wouldn't know as each judge is different, in one respect yes every other weekend seems to be what judges offer in normal circumstances, but yours aren't normal as your ex works nights on the weekend.
keep plodding on mate, I know it's a up hill battle but you will get somewhere I'm sure.
GTTS
Hey
Just felt like it was 2 on 1. Couldnt believe it when she said it. All my ex did was laugh.
I would understand if she had normal hours job or collage. But to say her new bf is going to look after him on a sat was unreal, and the reasoning the mediator gave was it is her time and she can choose what she does with it. It is not her time if she has to work. We all have to work unfortunately.
Just going to be a long 2 months.
Up hill battle feels like climbing a cliff. But for my lad I would climb 10 Everest's and then some more. Aint no mountain high enough (sure theres a song in there somewhere).
Hi Colin, I was offered mediation with 2 professionals overseeing it, a male and female. This i think made things fair and unbiased and i would recommend this to you, if it's at all possible in your case.
Hi,
My experience of mediation was not good, we did end up in court The mediator did tend to side with the mother, I agreed to the proposal under pressure, we had a plan in place for 18 months which worked fine. She then decided to take the court route. CAFCAS got involved and wrote a report which slightly improved my contact time. I used a solicitor sparingly about 4 times, she had her solicitor each time we went to court (3 times) the solicitor tried to brow beat me into accepting CAFCAS' proposal, I refused. The court over ruled CAFCAS' recommendation and gave me extra time with the kids (6 days out of 14).
What I have learned from this is that the courts want to see dads more involved with their kids. That you make up your own plan and justify it loud and clear don't let anyone including the mother put you off, they are your kids as much as hers, I won joint residency and haven't looked back. Try not to argue in front of the kids. I do it through text and E-mail that way there is an evidence trail if needed. I have very little verbal dialogue with the mother which helps prevent the emotions getting in the way. After two years of this arrangement the kids are fine in both my and their mothers company. The difficulty is that we have very different attitudes to parenting she is very clear and demanding and wants to try to control every situation to minimise risks whereas I am much more relaxed, if your situation is similar the less verbal dialogue the better and try to get formalised access that is clearly defined.
Hope this makes sense.
Mediators are absolutely useless they are just as bad as Solicitors for dragging things out so they make more money I went through 2 and my ex didn't even turn up, they both sided with my ex straight away as she claimed the usual DV I was over the moon to get the FM1 form so I could straight apply to the courts.
I'd say give it a go as your ex is actually attending and at least you are talking and like GTTS said at least you've tried at the end of the day you are at least seeing your son so try and build on that.
MARVIN GAYE & TAMMI TERRELL "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" is the tune your looking for hahahaha!
Slim π
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