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BACKGROUND
I am half Turkish and Half Persian and have lived in the UK for 24 years...My ex landed on the shores 6 months before she met me from Russia. In 2003 when I met her she was working as a nanny. I was working for a reputable airline.
Against my families advice we married. Russian girls have a reputation for being greedy and marrying for passport and money however love is blind and we married.
My son was born in May 2010 and in February 2011 she got her indefinite to remain in the UK. When my son was born she also had her mum visit and then did fake paperwork for her mum to get a visa to live in the UK.
While we were married I introduced her to get work through my contacts and she built a career on this whilst we set up a company to manage properties and initially ran it through her count to build up her credit. We bought our first flat under her name and life was good until she decided she had fallen out of love with me after conveniently getting the flat my son her mothers visa and a new career.
After this happened I went to my parents house whom I had fallen out because of her, I told her I was thinking about ending my life and as a result she turned up and took me back in. This began the [censored] on this earth and a physiological war from her and her mum including only speaking in Russian and not letting me spend time with my son etc I decided to try my best to save our marriage. I suggested mediation but as this went on I started to find out more and more clues that this was an organised warfare. On Xmas 2011 I did everything for her, I mean from cleaning cooking to finding the painting she liked on a one day pop up gallery she went as a xmas present. At the end of it s her mother returned she asked me to leave the flat temporarily, I couldn't believe it but I did and turned the meeting room in the office to bedroom.
To sleep in a small room being away from your family and your son not knowing whats going on was crazy but to add salt to the wound I saw she was watching porn where 10-20 guys were raping a man and she started to chat on online dating sites. Instead of being angry I wanted to see what the issues was. I moved back in somewhat in agreement but one day before the agreed date as she made some comments like let see if you can move in etc. This move did not go down well. I was abused and insulted on the 2/3 days i was home and I asked to go to a dinner after work where we could talk things over.... As we drove back she went crazy and tried to ump out of the car and I grabbed her scarf - for this I almost got a conviction... While i was arrested to be questioned she got an injunction against me... I wasnt able to defend myself and I got given an injunction and was kept away from my son.
NOW
Sorry I rambled on but for last 2 years we are separated, the lady who said I raped her and tried to kill her was on holiday in the same hotel room 5 months after...unbelievable but a free holiday was too much of an incentive I guess.... from that day onwards we got a court order to be abl to see my son once every Monday and once every Monday and Tuesday but this was agreed between us to be changed to Sunday 1 day week stay over as his nursery started.
Sounds good and touch wood it was however in Easter holidays I asked for one extra night for my son to stay over and she started to argue... I didnt understand why but i did a very stupid thing and said some stuff I didnt mean, I was simply trying to end the argument but she recorded what I said and gave it to the police...I should have expected but didn't and as a rsult now I face a choice to recieve a caution or a conviction...
Since she has reverted back to Monday Tuesday scheme and as my son attends nursery our quality time is gone down the drain.
My question is this guys, obviously it is a caution but for such a small thing... how will this effect me seeing my son if courts are involved?
If I got a conviction is it worse in the court for child contact case?
I don't think I have done anything wrong apart from wanting to see my son for 2 days after 2 years so I am thinking to not accept the caution but any help would be appreciated on this matter..
Wow what a massive complex situation, - it’s very difficult to know what the courts will say/do they do not seem to be consistent but for your protection you need to somehow not have any direct contact with your ex - i would suggest putting everything in writing and making sure you do not engage in any disputes with her as she seems to be playing the system, she will now be entitled to legal aid in court as well as a result of the caution
If it has to go to court again for request in increase contact it maybe best you state how in the future you will avoid any altercations between you and your ex but express the benefit of your son having you in his life,
Sorry not much help but sadly hindsight in these situations is a wonderful thing
Thanks Eric
I have to say I think in such situations men are misguided... There isn't much knowledgeable support out there... Womens helpline for example actually tells the what to do... when I called they told me to leave the house... So many of us so involved in our own struggles that we don't move the border and unite to do so....
The question is is it worse to have a caution or a criminal record for such a small offence against her in the child courts. Or does it simply not matter its bad either way?
just IMO a caution as a convictions means it happened a caution is not actually an admission if that makes sense
From what I understand it both an acceptance of guilt... I may be wrong but she can cause hassle even with a caution.
I am just so scared and only have a few days on this left to reply
Some solicitors offer a free initial consultation, this may be a way of getting the advice you need.
IMO I would have thought a caution would be the lesser of two evils...she has the recording which the police have listened to and on the strength of that obviously feel that a caution or being charged is the appropriate action.
As Eric has pointed out she may be entitled to Legal Aid for any court case concerning your child because of this, but it shouldn't affect getting a contact order in court. It may create delays whilst reports/risk assessments are done and you may have to have supervised contact for a while.
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