[Solved] I would do anything to see my son more 🙁

Hi, For 6 month old you have very good contact - well done.

The empty void is something you will get used to with time (the void doesn't get any better).

Why not offer the ex chances to baby sit during the week if going out and try to keep things amicable...to be honest ex does not prevent you from having contact with your child which is pretty good going - so I would not rock the boat to much right now (especially at 6 months age).

Keep yourself busy and with time you'll manage better...

Hi there

Whilst I agree with LD in that you have great full weekend contact, I also agree that 12 days between visits is a long time.

At 6 months old, it's fairly unusual to have a full weekend of contact, but it does happen and the precedent is now set so I don't think it would get reduced if you were to take it court. However it would put a great deal of strain on the relationship between you and the mother and you may find she stops contact all together once she had received court papers.

You could try mediation to resolve this and a good way of getting all aspects of co parenting agreed is through a Parenting Plan, you could introduce this at mediation . Here's a link to the sticky we have about Parenting Plans for you to check out.

http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

Good luck 🙂

Cheers for the reply, I have been told that if I went court they would only make a decision based on what's best for my son and surely me no seeing him for 12 days is not in the best interest for him? His mum doesn't breast feed either so he don't souly depend on her. Even soo if I did go to court and they did give me every other weekend at least I have it officially which would be good, but would it be worth doing that?

There aren't any set rules about length of contact, but once overnights begin the starting point is usually a weekend every fortnight and a weekly midweek visit. So in that respect you are right, in that courts like to see weekly contact in the child's best interests.

The court also have the option of making a no order, which may also happen because you do have good overnight contact with your child who is still very young. They may consider that as you have already been able to agree contact between yourselves, without the courts intervention, that their involvement isn't necessary.

In any case, Mediation is now compulsory before you can submit an application to the court for a Child Arrangements Order, so this is your first step and it is hoped that you may be able to reach agreement at this point....court should always be a last resort.

...it would put a great deal of strain on the relationship between you and the mother and you may find she stops contact all together once she had received court papers.

Agree with Mojo, my concern would be rocking the boat when you don't have to...for a court order that will give you the status quo or even less...
If you submit an application and the mother withdraws contact (often happens), you are in a difficult position to convince the Judge several months later at a hearing that alternative weekends you had previously are workable for a 6+ month old baby.

As Mojo states, mediation is mandatory...

Thanks for all the replys, so at the minute I'm getting him every other weekend and I visit him for an hour on a Wednesday every other week. so in total im seeing him 49 hours a fortnight which judging by previous comments is good?? My ex has a new boyfriend which I am certain sees my son twice a week (as in going round her house and playing with him) my ex has gone to the point of putting pictures on social media of them to which breaks my heart 🙁 she has also used swear words towards me in text messages. Would any of this go for me if it went to court? As she has told me she would refuse mediation, and just to clarify this is souly for my sons and my best interests thanks

Seeing as your ex has agreed to every other weekend and an hour every other wed you have something to build on for sure thats so rare to have that sort of contact for such a young child I'd carry on trying to work on the ex before you go to court because it will almost certainly get her back up and she'll dig her heels in.

That 12 days of not seeing little one is too long for such a young baby and the courts would like to see weekly contact for sure how about trying to speak to the ex and propose say one week friday night - saturday teatime then the following week sat - sunday and a couple of hours every wed? so then atleast you'll be seeing little one regular each week.

Everyones advice has been spot on I think it will rock the boat if you go to court, you might be wise to sit tight carry on as you are for say the next couple of months and slowly work on the ex to have more regular contact as time passes they do seem to chill a little and become more open to compromise its just a shame it took my ex 2 [censored] years to come round lol

The court won't be the least bit interested in any text messages they couldn't give two hoots about what goes on between you and the ex they are interested in the childs welfare only and you will be painted in a bad light if you mention things like that.

I get to see my girl every weekend fri 5pm till monday morning now and it still kills me dropping her off I miss her so bad its awful till around wednesday then I start to feel better I know most dads struggle with not seeing there kids between contact like others have said you've got to keep busy.

Try and alter the way you deal with the ex too this worked wonders for me I sort of swallowed some pride and was nothing but nice to her whereas before I'd kick off if I didnt agree with something it took a good 6 months but she has finally come round.

Good luck

Slim 🙂

Cheers slim that routine you mentioned sounds good but it is impossible to compromise with her basically its her way or no way! for example she said she's having him one weekend I'm ment to be having him and she told me that not asked me that. So I agreed on that and then asked her myself if I could change a Saturday in which i usually have for another day and the answer is just a straight no!! Basically she knows she's in control and treats me like poo it is so heartbreaking seeing another man having fun with my son probably more than I do 🙁 I have heard from a few people exactly what you said, she will soon get more and more stressed and tired and will see sense I start giving me more access I hope! 🙁

Sorry I didn't realise she had been cancelling weekends of contact so you don't see little one for 3 weeks to a month when she cancels?

If so that's not on, It's absolute [censored] dealing with an unpredictable woman having to be at their beckon call just to see your child, thats exactly how I was living always on egg shells, In my case I just bit the bullet and applied to the court and the ex went absolutely tits and stopped all contact with my 3 month old for 10 month.s, it was actual [censored] on earth but I always knew once it was sorted it was sorted, the pain was unreal but a year on I couldn't actually have my girl any more than I do and my ex was defo one of the extreme bitches from [censored] thats why I was suggesting trying to compromise.

With this in mind I suppose maybe court is your only option at least by the end of it you will have an order set in stone, you could approach it by wanting contact to be more regular and consistant on a weekly basis as your child is so young the courts like weekly contact with a baby if they were 10 - 15 it would be a different matter.

Start keeping a diary of all missed contact ect as you will need to prove that she has been stopping contact or obstructing if and when you do go court in the meantime don't rise to any of her [censored] don't bite have any bad communications ect like I always say be whiter than white.

Sorry if I misinterpreted slim she told me she is changing a weekend with out asking me but said I could have a day in each week I ain't seeing him so I'm still seeing him the same amount if time just on days rather than weekends

What I'm trying to say is I immediately asked her to change a day on one of my weekends and I got a straight no! So its her way or no way! I feel like her slave, she's told me I can't have him Xmas day or boxing but I can go up for 2 hours I can't have any bank holidays next year or take him on holiday even thow she is for a week

I think my best option is to leave it a couple of months and see if she starts compromising or at least treat me with respect. If not try mediation if she agrees which I'm 90% certain she won't and then court I know it will cost me money and time but even if it takes months and might only get him once a week or every other weekend at least I have it legally so I will no longer be her slave for the next 16 years...

Ah get ya, yeah man that seems like the best plan of action you might be wise to let some things ride and let it go over the top of your head and pick your battles wisely at the end of the day you're getting contact good contact at that she is giving you extra time when she cancels so I'd sit tight man.

Baby is only 6 months old she'll still be reeling from the pregnancy and may have a little PND if not her hormones will be all over the place I swear it takes a women double the amount of time she's pregnant to actually get over it my ex was a complete [censored] from [censored] from the second she told me she was pregnant for 2 years after I think yours will mellow with time I'm sure of it and things will get better like I said back off a little.

I dropped my girl off and I've been in floods of tears I miss her already and can't wait to see her again on friday so i think anytime your not with your child you will miss them it's just a fact of life I do think sometimes how the whole thing does upset me and how did it come to this, even though we are getting on great me and the ex she does blow hot and cold every week and she comes out with the most stupid stuff you]ve just got to try and ignore it and remember your doing it for your child things with get better man it just takes time 🙂