[Solved] I can totally understand

Im fairnly new to being a separated Dad in 2012- my ex after 7 years of cheating on me, being rubbiish with money but generally a good loving relationship ended it - we'd separated in 2009 for 3 months as she had a one night stand but got back together - moved in together and had another baby.

When she ended it we were in a rented house - Id paid for everything she worked 16 hours a week and did her share, but I too did alot in terms of house work and looking after the children - and I loved it.

What really got me then and ever since is how few rights I as a father seem to have and how the law seems to automatically judge in her favour, when she ended it I left my home with a bed and a chest of drawers - I really struggled - I moved into a house with her brother but realised straight away it was a mistake as I was in a mess so went back to my parents.

Contact with my children and the maintenance I have to pay has not once been in my control since that day - I sorted myself out and after 9 months of hard saving I bought myself a house and the ex gave me some tea time contact and a couple of overnights at the weekend (whilst I was at my parents I had 2 tea times and she wanted every weekend so she could go out with her new partner - I totally couldnt do that living with my parents.

So in a new house and finally settled my intention then was to get more access but the ex with her new partner was starting to reduce it on her whims - i.e. to go watch him fishing cost me 2 overnights, - one of the birthdays fell on my weekend so I lost Friday to Saturday afternoon - no discussion just this is how it is and im in control.

So I went the only option I had left - court - thinking to myself I've never been abusing, manipulative and I certainly always tried my damdest to be in my children's lives - the court could restore some parity - and ensure I stay involved in my children's lives (by this point the ex had cut me out of all communication about their hospital appointments, school etc)

But even here I had to prove myself as a good dad, - she then moved 30 mins away because I was "doing this to put her out" I had to do all the travel - pay more maintenance and to top it off when I finally got my day in court they actually took away access leaving me with alternative weekends when previously I had those , Monday tea time and Wednesday overnight. The argument was a continuous home life was imporatant to the children which I agree with fully - I didnt want them banded around homes all week - but a block of time with me i.e. Mon and Tues would have been fine - or at very very worst just leave me with the Wednesday Onight.

And first thing the ex did after the hearing as I now fell into the 1.5 days per week bracket was ring the CSA who are now hounding me for an extra 100 a month - When I totted up the nights per year I fall short of getting back into my current bracket by 4 nights ! 4 NIGHTS!

I guess what my experence has shown me is there is ageneral feeling of hopelessness to fathers, I feel as if I have no rights - Im legally obliged to pay for my children for the next 18 years yet the state do nothing to get me better access to them, help them grow as people or influence their life - they allow the ex to pretty much do as she pleases - take an obseen amount of money from my wage which Ive worked hard to get whilst she sits at home on benefits getting it all paid for.

Last night when the CSA rang me saying what I had to pay I seriously felt like putting my car into the barrier - I was livid and when I confronted the ex I got a load of abuse - I even said keep the money just give me the access - and she wont budge - I've appeal the decision (more money down the pan) and dont feel it will get me anywhere - the state has allowed my ex to push me right to the very peripherary of my children's lives and theres not a single thing I can do about it - I will spend the next 9 years or so being a glorified baby sitter whilst paying a massive chunk of my wage to an ex out for every penny to fund her new life

I know this comes accross as bitter - TBH before the hearing I was very rational about it all - family fail - and this stuff happens but its maddening to think that in the 21st century a father has absolutly no rights around his children and can be forced out like this even when you did nothing wrong except have children with a woman who is beyond selfish

I think Im just at the point now realising that trying to gain rights is hopeless, and seeing Dads posts in here I feel even more lost - Im a very capable father but for the next 15 years or so my ex will bleed me dry and deny my access to my children - my relationship with them will falter over time despite how good I make our weekends and right now I just think whats the point

rant over probably makes no sense - - kind of helped that ha !