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Was in court on Tuesday, got home from work last night and the SPIPS? (is that right?) people rang me to book me in! How quick was that?!
So Im doing the SPIPS and Mediation as recommended by the court. Ive wanted to do Mediation for the last year or so but ex wasnt having any of it.
Anyone have any sucess with these?
Ive decided to put myself on the CANparenting course too, what with two boys going into their teenage years I definitley think Im going to be needing it.
Ive calmed down a little from court although Im still massivley furious that the judge wasnt aware of previous proceeding brought to court by him and then cancelled, the fact he didnt turn up to defend the PSO and even emailed ahead to say he "wouldnt be bothering" and then the whole few weeks leading up to court he tell me he isnt coming only to turn up WITH A BARRISTER is extremely sneaky.
Just Christmas to get through now and its back to court, its at a bigger city court for the directins hearing, the one I managed to gain the PSO order at so Im hoping the courts manage to pull their finger out and have all details to hand, not sure why but I felt more at ease at the bigger city court than I did at my local town court, its a 2 hour hearing with magistrates, they made me cry last time so I need to work on controlling my emotions beforehand especially if hes with a barrister.
Does anyone have any experience of being LIP and the other party having a barrister? I felt the whole time this week he spoke over me, as soon as we sat down he began to speak which I thought was out of order, given it was my appliaction, he sort of took over the whole thing, I almost felt like a naughty kid!
Im in two minds now whether to have a solicitor involved myself.
Anyway, I have a good few weeks to get myself together, keep smiling eh!
Hi,
I'm glad you have calmed down.
I took the seperated parent course, it was actually quite good, for me though the funniest part that was when I recieved my letter from them with a date to attend my current wife also recieved one with the same day as she was also going through court with her ex. We were able to go together which made life easier.
Going for the extra course will help you also, not only for being able to deal with your teenagers, but it will also show in court you are taking steps to be a good parent (not that I think there has been any doubt from court or caffcass on that)
I would say at your next hearing, when you arrive and sign in, I would ask that a message be passed to the judge to say that you are nervouse at being alone even more so with the fact that your ex is now being represented, maybe explain that you felt at the last hearing that your ex's representation spoke over you and see if they are able to stop that happening. The last thing you want is to get wound up by being spoken over and get voacl to enable your voice to be heard as that may not look too good.
Fingers crossed it all goes well, I would maybe look at taking an MF though if you feel you need some support, they won't be able to speak on your behalf but can advise you and support you while in the court room.
GTTS
GTTS has given you good advice there. You could have a look on the FNF website, they hold details of professional and voluntary MF's. If you go down that route, get a recommended one as they're not regulated. If you did want to, pm me your area and I'd be happy to recommend someone if I know any where you are. NJ might know some as well...... 🙂
If you go alone you can ask for a few minutes to compose yourself and gather your thoughts if you feel the barrister is being overbearing before or during the hearing.
Brilliant. Thanks guys.
Do the MF charge? I'll definitly be getting a message to the judge, may be worthwhile checking when I sign in that they have all the info to hand regarding the previous case too?
Ive just received an email from the EX, abuse as per, its funny because they start at 7.30am when his girlfriend goes to work and stop at 5.30pm, DAILY.
I try not to respond, the latest was how the kids dont love me and they want to live with him, how things will all come out in the wash.....blah blah blah.
At this stage, given that we have to do mediation, is it really necessary for me to communicat with him??
I wouldn't reply to him unless it's about handovers at this stage. If you have to go to Mediation and don't want to sit face to face, you could ask the mediator if you can be in separate rooms. I just wouldn't rise to it and keep copies of everything he sends you via txt or email.
Re MF's.... FNF have a list on their website of professional ones who charge but they have a voluntary list on request. I can't comment on the quality of the voluntary ones. MF's are unregulated so it's best to get a recommendation if you intend to use a professional one. Expect to pay between 150-400 (anymore than that is just ridiculous) & they vary in quality and levels of knowledge, My partner used an MF and had a great experience but I know other members who have had bad experiences with them.
If you pm me your area, I might be able to find someone for you, NJ knows a few good ones too 🙂
Ive read about people pulling out of mediation for certain reasons, does that go against you at all?
Obviously it's preferable for agreements to be reached through mediation , but I don't think it goes against people if they are unable to reach agreement. All the courts is aware of is that mediation was unsuccessful but the mediator doesn't go into any depth about the reasons why....not usually.
Be very very careful when seeking an MF through FNF a few peeps have had there fingers burnt.
I cant afford the MF, Ive been to see a solicitor today too and thats a no go, Im just resigned to the fact that Im going it alone with the help of friends, family and you guys.
Solicitor did make me feel better in that hes done family law for over 25 yrs in my area and hes well know in the courts, (heard a clerk talking about him on Tuesday) and hes never heard of my EXs solicitor even though they are in the same town. Plus he pointed out the fact that the EX needs to be assessed by SS, not me.
I've had enough today 🙁
Is it wrong that I just wanna pack my bags and leave?
I'm sick of courts, social services, phone calls, malicious exs, I'm sick of explaining myself over and over, I'm tired of defending myself when quite frankly, given the circumstances, I've some a [censored] good job.
I've had enough.
Supposed to be out enjoying Halloween with the kids tonight, I've ended up lockin myself away in the bedroom and I'm in tears again!
I don't wanna feel like this.
I know tomorrow kids will go for contact and get the third degree and come Monday I'll be explaining myself to some other agency because my ex just can't help himself telling lies
When does it stop? Why can't they just recognise what a [censored] good you do?
I've thought about packing it all in and moving to America with my friends on many occasion over the past 2 years, you can do nothing but carry on fighting for what you believe in at the end of the day it's your ex who is on the back foot not you .
Two years! Is that how long it's taken you through the courts slim? [censored]!
I'm just tired, I'm worn down.
I've done this on my own with two kids for the last 18 months with no break, the worry of when I'm gonna see my other son on top and now I'm in the firing line because he's so malicious! I just want someone up there to give me a break.
I'm actually looking forward to the break this weekend. I'm looking forward to him finally having the kids and see how he handles them kicking ten tonnes of shi@e out of each other, see how he handles the bad behaviour and the name calling.
I feel like I need to reach out and ask someone for help, but if I do it could be used in court against me, like I can't cope?! I can. Just not when I've got [censored] coming at me at all angles.
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