[Solved] Gladius's Blog

Hi everyone,

I'm a 37 year old father to one daughter and 1 step-son, both 11 years old.

I've started this blog as I need somewhere I can write down what's going on so I can start to get some of it out of my head.

This story starts happily enough with me marrying the mother of my Daughter back in May 2005. We had a wonderful day made all the better knowing that our tiny baby was growing inside her mum and was there with us for the day. Fast forward 6 months and baby arrives, the proudest day of my life, although the fact she was born to I predict a riot by the Kaiser Chiefs should have maybe been a warning for everything that was to follow.

Mum and baby are discharged from the hospital the next day and return home to settle in. A couple of days later when the sleep deprivation kicks in is where it all starts to go fantastically wrong. My wife was complaining that I hadn't moved x, y & z (in fairness she'd given me a grand total of 2 minutes to do so and I was in the process of putting my daughter somewhere safe whilst i did it), before I could get to help she'd tried to shift things by herself, twists her back in the wrong direction and is in agony, an injury from which she will never properly recover, needing regular physiotherapy and pain killers.

Fast forward a year and all is going reasonably well, daughter is growing nicely and my wife is spending as much time as possible enjoying being with her child. Around this time I'm involved in a bad car crash when someone pulls out from a junction right in front of me. In doing this I screw up the shoulders in my arm so badly I can't work for a month. Trying to carry daughter and everything she needs for a day out is agony but we manage and muddle through until I'm finally able to go back to work. It's at this time my wife's back takes a turn for the worse again, the stronger pain killers leave her dazed and confused to say the least. I have to go into hospital for a minor operation so my mum and dad come to stay for a day or so while I recuperate. The next day my wifes temperature soars, we call the doctor and they arrange to come and see her the following day. In the meantime my wife is completely out of it, I'm left with a baby to care for and a wife who's talking to her mother and grandma, both of whom had been dead by several years by this point, telling them she'll be with them soon. I remember breaking down in tears hugging my daughter as close to me as I could and rocking her to sleep. Several hours later I manage to get my wife to bed and think about some sleep.

The morning rolls round and my wife is still completely out of it but fortunately her father is coming to look after her for the morning so I leave her tucked in to bed and wait for him to arrive. As soon as he does I'm back off upstairs to check on my wife. She's not responsive, will not answer me and so I call for an ambulance Administering CPR whilst I wait. Nothing I do is effective and when the ambulance arrives they pronounce her dead at the scene. A few days later the autopsy will show she had a heart attack though can find no cause for her raging fever, they accept this may have been the cause of the heart attack but can not say so for sure. The next few days are a blur of no sleep and complete devastation. I go and see my wife in the funeral home, the single worst experience of my life, seeing the warm, caring and loving person who was my wife now reduced to a cold body in a coffin was almost more than I could bear. When the funeral had taken place I packed up mine and my daughters belongings and went to live with my parents. At the time I couldn't see how I could cope, with the benefit of hindsight this is one of the worst decisions I ever made.

I went from a devoted husband and father back in to the role of child. Any decision I made was generally wrong and would remain so for the next few years. On the plus side I gained a qualification, started working in the family business and found a new partner. On the downside my mother generally started to erode my self confidence and my relationship with my daughter. I lived for the weekend when I could get out of the house and go and spend some time with my new partner. Why didn't I move out in that time? I can give many excuses but that is what they'll be excuses. My daughter needed counselling, needed stability, My new partners son needed the same etc. The real reason I think was that my self-esteem was so low I truly believed that I couldn't make it by myself. In 2010 my father died, also of a heart attack. I was convinced by my family that I needed to be around for my mother and that she needed my daughter to help her through it all. To this day I can't even begin to imagine what possessed me to allow them to talk me into this happening. I remember fights with one of my sisters over who else was going to be there to take some of the strain. It amounted to me and my other sister taking it in turns. By which I was there for the majority of the time and She would come up one weekend a month so I could spend time with my partner and daughter.

Fast forward 7 years and Things haven't changed, I'm still spending a lot of time travelling and me and my partner, now fiancee, are still living apart. I decide enough is enough, with an option to take over the family business looming and the kids moving schools now seems an optimal time to make a break and all move in together. we start house hunting and find a property that seems ideal, not far from my mothers, close to work and the school the kids are going to attend. We fill in the rental paperwork and chase the estate agent looking forward to the move. The estate agent turn out to have been telling us a bunch of lies whilst they let the property to someone else. Now I've got a week to find somewhere that meets our requirements so I grab the only property on the market although it's over £100 over budget it is at least close enough we can save by not using the car etc. Papers signed, deposit paid, we are finally good to go. It's at this point everything turns sour. Far from being excited to see her son make a go at restarting his life my mother does everything she can to put obstacles in the way. It really hits home once we've moved everything into the new house, sorted furniture and come to move the kids in. My partner and her son manage the move, he's had to move 90 miles and it's a traumatic time for him but he comes through with flying colours, Couldn't be prouder of him. I suspect his dad living in the same city helped sweeten the deal slightly for him to be fair. My daughter however point blank refuses to stay there that night. Mum won't let her bring clothes to mine becomes massively protective of anything that goes from her house to mine.

So far so much done it to myself, worlds smallest violin playing just or me. Now mum starts contacting Solicitors, seeing if she has the legal right to stop my daughter from moving in with me. She takes her out for the day and evening the day before her first day of school, ensuring I can't spend time with her "She needs to be with her family now, there's so much going on" - it would appear I am no longer part of my daughters family. I try and talk to my daughter and she becomes upset from the very first word she speaks, she's never been like this before. My daughter and mum start texting each other and mum starts texting my daughter fairly malicious stuff regarding me and I'm horrified to see my daughter lapping it all up like it's the funniest thing ever, like it's everything I deserve. My daughter goes in to school upset one day and they arrange for her to speak to a counsellor who tries to help but I'm not sure she actually took any of it in.

Then I get a call from the school, "we'd like a chat with you Mr. M" in I go expecting the worst, social services and/or the police for some supposed offence. I'm wracking my brain to think what could have come up but I'm genuinely lost for ideas. I love my daughter unconditionally and I wouldn't see any harm befalling her, especially not from my own hand. Turns out the counsellor is also concerned about the relationship between my daughter and her grandmother. That she seems very controlling. After a long chat we agree that the counsellor will try and have a word with mum to see if she can get to the bottom of things. I leave feeling slightly happier about things than I have in a while and think maybe it's time something good came our way.

Suffice to say nothing happens from the counsellor and mum visits the solicitors again, lets start mediation, Katie needs routine (Sub-text: Katie needs to be nowhere near me). no attempt at counselling, straight to the divorce mediators. My partner stops me from sending several e-mails that would, in all honesty only have made things worse. I'm left feeling so angry with my mum, how can a parent behave like this to their own child? Why try and stop a good relationship between me and my daughter for the sake of her own desire to have my daughter with her?

The family business is a nursery and we recently got a bad report that I've been working all hours to put right. She's threatening me with the loss of my job and to take me to court if I try and make my daughter live with me. Mum doesn't actually work in the business any more but does seem to want to hurt me as badly as possible.

I don't expect any replies to this, I really just needed a space to get it all out of my head before I drive myself completely insane!