[Solved] Getting accustomed to 'contact' miles from home.

Hi Dads, I am not even sure anyone still here will remember me. I started this topic 5.5 years ago when I was at rock bottom. I am now fully 'recovered' and accepting of my eldest son being taken away when he was 3.5 at the time, without my consent.

For 5.5 years now every fortnight I go and collect him on a Friday travel back to my house and the same on Sunday I take him back and then drive home. The cumulative distance of both days is 600 miles there and back.

It seems strange to read my first post and still remember how broken I was. It was gut wrenching. I am not sure how I survived and I contemplated ending it all to be honest on more than 1 occasion.

I am glad I never. I met the woman who is to be my wife shortly and my oldest who is now 9 has two wee brothers aged 2 and 3. Two days ago I learned another (unexpected) wee one is on the way.

If anyone is struggling read my initial post, there is always hope..

Stick in and our wee men/lassies will remember the effort we made. My son as he gets older recognizes the efforts made and it's all been so worth it.

(Notso) Broken Dad.

x

hi there,

its great to hear that you are in such good spirits. wow that travel is killer. is there no way your ex can meet you half way? if your paying maintenance through CMS, are you claiming special expenses for this travel?

because of such distance are you not able to have your child for an extra night?

Glad to hear you are doing well now. I had this when I first split with my ex - every fortnight I'd drive a 400 mile round trip to see my kids on a sunday, fortunately for me it was only for 2 years as I took my kids away from my ex, but it was always worth the trip.

haha how funny you got them full time now

Hi Bill,

Sadly she will never meet me halfway. It's really the only thing she can control now and make things awkward. I have a 2 and a 3 year old which obviously isn't easy to do all the travel and leave my soon to be wife with for such big portions of the weekend I get the wee man, but she is great and sometimes takes him back instead of me. I asked my ex to do half the travel and she didn't even respond.

My partner has taken him back probably 15 times instead of me. His own mother has never done one scrap of travel ever. The way I see it is that one day my son will see the efforts we all made and make his own judgements if necessary. I certainly wont slag off his mum to him as that's not fair on him despite the fact she had me on the brink of suicide by refusing to let me see him.

I was at court 7 times with my solicitor to get to where we did. As the court was such a distance away, it wasn't uncommon for my solicitor bill to be 3 grand for each of these 7 occasions as generally it was 12 hour days what with the travel in either direction and hanging around in court to actually be seen.

In total I spent 35 Grand which I only had thanks to the equity in my house that was sold and the good fortune that my brother earns a good wage and really helped me. In addition to the court dates, I spent fortunes on solicitor advice and letters etc. I could have self represented but to be honest I was a shadow of my former self at the outset and money meant nothing compared to my young lad.

I get a full £13 off a month from the CMS due to all that travel lol! Pathetic. In terms of the extra night its not viable due to school unfortunately. I did get allocated half the school holidays thankfully but it was two years before I got the final order sanctioning everything. it was a drip feed as well. 3 hours a fortnight initially up there where he lives now. This despite the fact I was living with him every night from birth to 3.5. She decided to rip him from my life and the sheriff penalized dad as usual, even though there was no allegation or justification as to why. Basically because my ex was adamant to be in control.

Ultimately I got to the current situation as the sheriff seen I had my sons best interest at heart and simply wanted to be his Dad. I have subsequently proven my aspiration to be a good dad for 5.5years of travel.

My ex thought when she dumped me she had destroyed my life and I was finished. To be honest I thought she had. Then one night, my mate asked me to go for a pint to watch Scotland v Germany and my now partner came in for a drink with her pal, we got chatting and here we are on the cusp of our 3rd child together. Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

Thankfully things improved. When I was more participative on this site all those years ago, I was obsessed, never off it, looking for small drips of inspiration to keep going from guys who had lived the nightmare of an ex trying to rid dad from the childs life and come out the other side.

I never ever felt like I would come out of it but I did and If I can be of any help to anyone whos in the position I once was, please drop me a message.

All the best

Unbroken Dad.

x

haha how funny you got them full time now

Yes, well they are grown up now, so more independant, but certainly I did at the time. It was a huge legal bill to sort out contact (she conceded residence at the first hearing as she knew she'd never get it back), but she burned her own bridges after that.

Hi brokendad....

How glad I am to learn that you are doing great....and have more little feet to greet you when you come home from
a days work.
Yes, sometimes it is strange/ funny/ weird how things work out.
Today my heart is full of pain as we are no longer able to see 2 of our grandchildren.....
For me it is a case of de ja vu.....been there before somehow...!
I will drop you a message PM) soon .

P.S. Congratulations on your great news....

Take care
Kirsten