[Solved] Fathers, you can't win.

Wise words Slim, thanks! Happy that you're on a better path than what you were, i've got that to look forward to!

You are 100% right. I'm playing the game to the best of my ability so i can wipe that smug look off her face when it's proved beyond doubt that i am not a danger to my daughter and that she in fact is the one that's been obstructive since my daughters birth. The way i see it, i may miss out on the first year of her life and no doubt the second year will be broken, but the courts and CAFCASS will see it's not me with the problem. This woman has bullied everyone all her life to get what she wants and if she thinks i'm just going to walk away she's sadly mistaken.

Haha, i'll bet bizia did you the world of good. I have a healthy addiction to the gym and motorbikes so i keep myself busy. Next step is to book a holiday and forget about all this until the final hearing in August.

One thing has come up which i'm not to sure what to do about though. A mentioned, I've had the section 7 which was completely biased and un-factual just based on my ex's here say. CAFCASS now have to interview me again due to the mother putting in an application to remove our daughter from the country indefinitely. My problem is this. I want to unleash merry [censored] on this CAFCASS lady for compiling such a biased report and make her justify her lack of professionalism, but i know that's not wise.
However i would still like to politely ask why she included some of the material she did.
I'm also not sure how to approach this interview, i want to stay tight lipped because of what she may write in her report but then i don't want to come across like an [censored]. To me it's daft having the interview as i have voiced my objections in court but they insist the interview needs to be done.

I have a half day hearing in July which i will be self representing at but am a touch apprehensive as the mother is such a good arguer, very convincing and intimidates me (not very manly i know but she does). I think they key is to remain focused on the facts that can be presented and not get sucked in to her bullshit and argue back. Addressing the courts isn't the problem it's the lies she'll tell that'll actually sound convincing which bother me.

From my experience I would say the system isnt fair and is biased towards mother.

* My ex made various false allegations, to the police, then told cafcass i wasnt capable as a father so i had to have supervised contact for 9 weeks just to prove i am capable of loving and caring for my son!
* The cafcass and section 7 report made her out as the victim and the social worker completely ignored the evidence i was showing him...everything i said was according to him "my opinion" and everything she said was taken as gospel even though the evidence proved otherwise....to the extent he went on to say the she did it all out of shear desperation!!!. i said your confused...between desperation and greed. its GREED
* he was so incompetent that he refused to send me a copy of the report despite it being stated on the court order...i had to make several calls and request to speak to senior managers and say i want to make a complaint ...then eventually he sent me a copy of the report. (1 working day before court and a week late )

Any other case lying to police or the courts would be perverting course of justice or perjury, and would result in prosecution or a fine but no...it was completely ignored .

But i held in there and the result was decent but not exactly what i would have liked 50/50 as its meant to be equal rights for men and women according the democracy we live in but...its a start that i can build on and will go back to court next year for a variation order.

With regards to solicitors..they have no morals or empathy or feeling for what you are going through...they see every case for how much money it can make,
i was desperate to the extent that i didnt even know where my son was...i went to one solicitor who asked me what my salary was (i thought it was for legal aid assessment) but then realised she was working out how much she could get out of me....her figure was £12-£15k and she insisted i could get full custody .., she said " i dont leave a stone unturned" more like you dont leave any wallet with cash in!.

*Deep down i knew unless the mother is abusive or a drug addict then they wouldnt take child off her regardless. * The mother she is primary carer full stop, father provides sperm and the money after the separation and has the reward of being a part time dad.!

* Unless the solicitor is a very close friend or a relative who wont rip you off then i would just go and do it alone. *All they solicitor want to do is drag it on as long as possible to bleed your wallet as much as they can.

Ultimately the judge will decide on whats best for the child based on the welfare check list the rest is just obstacles he has to move out/clear up to get to the end result

It was the worst 10 months of life but it has paid off.you have to be patient and fight for your child, and dont give up.

Yoda I completely agree with you, been in the same position I took my ex through the court system, as she was not allowing me to have contact with my son - again all sorts of allegations were thrown at me.

At the first hearing I was granted 2 hours supervised contact every week for 8 weeks - my contact reports were glowing!

HOWEVER section 7 report was fully against me nothing in my favour whatsoever so ever, unfortunately for me the Cafcass worker was new to the job and I was her first case! Lol

At the DRA Hearing 3 judges were present followed by their legal advisor and they completely ignored the CAFCASS recommendations regarding a a full fact find trial.

The ex and her solicitor were anihilated by the judges and we're all praising me. And case was won in my favour. Next month I have a final hearing for child arrangements programme.

TIP: to all the fathers - do not contact, text, throw verbal abuse, threats to your ex - as this will be looked into by the judges. Again all the judges in my case picked up on this and commented on this, had I been abusive towards my ex - chances are that it would have been a full fact find trial for me.

Hi there,
.
Thanks for your input, these are things we advise dads of all the time, it's so easy for the ex to claim harrasment and get a non mol order and even if there is a shred of evidence to show you have let rip even once it makes court all the harder to get through, not imposible though, but unfortunetely the judges have to investigate.
.
Well done on your progress.
.
GTTS

it is extremely difficult at the start and like me you will be holding your head in your palms thinking why me?, or wheres the justice?
but believe me things will get better and easier as time progresses
it took me 9 months and it felt like forever but once i came out of the contact centre it got easier and better
and i look back and i know it was worth it being able to hold my son in my arms and put him to bed, knowing he looks at me calls me dad because he knows!
NEVER give up on your child, fight till your last breath because if you walk away now then you will always look back and regret it.
As your child grows up, they will realise for themselves that you fought for them
Ive kept all my documents and paperwork on a disk so that when my son is old enough to understand i will give it to him and let him make his own mind up....my ex can try to brain wash or poison him as much as she likes
as the good saying goes "the truth shall set you free"

Well this has certainly been a lively thread 🙂

I think Mojo said everything I would have liked to say!

I think bmwn sums it up well at the start of his post by saying 'my experience'. Each persons experience is their own. In the main, the system does work, unfortunately for a few, it doesn't. Not compromising or jumping through the inevitable hoops are quite often the biggest barrier in family cases as T1350 has pointed out.

Good luck to you all and we will try to support you where we can.

Fathers do win ,custody is normally based on avaliblity and work hours normally the father works so makes more sense for children to stay with mother but think you have your freedom and you can enjoy yours kids just as much seeing them 3 days a week if not more as you enjoy the time more.
Paying 200 a month in child support Is the cheapest childcare you will ever have and you have money in your pocket now ,child arrangment orders for half xmas day and bdays so you dont miss the special moments yet on days off you can eat Ice cream out the tub

To Danbruno1105

Do you really believe winning for a father is about :-

1) having his freedom because part of the time they are with their mother,

2) enjoying 3 days with his children instead of seeing them every day,

3) getting a bargain by paying £200 per month in child support instead of the higher cost of child care which enables the father to put money in his pocket,

4) eating ice cream out of a tub ?

Dear oh dear, oh dear, I think you have a lot to learn and understand.

Take note, fathers do not win, not in the sense you mean. The majority of fathers who go to court succeed in getting access for contact to their children but no one wins, the mother, the father and certainly not the children.

Even though the majority of fathers are successful in their fight for contact with their children they can no longer be the full time fathers they wanted to be, how heart breaking is that?

I don't think there are any "winners" I see it as getting what your child deservers which is both parents involved in their lives. As danbruno pointed out I think I have it pretty sweet now court is finished I would love to have my girl more than the 3-4 days a week but work ect gets in the way and little one is well happy settled in her nursery near home ect I miss my girl like [censored] mon-fri but it's nice to have my own life and enjoy the time I get to spend with her. I wouldn't have the relationship I have with my daughter if I was still seeing her mum I still pay a little more than £200 a month in maintenance and probs the same again when I have her but all I know is she wants for nothing and it's a proud feeling knowing you've fought for it 🙂

Hi Slim
I agree with you - there's no winners in such situations rather its what the child needs and that's both parents involved in their lives.

Indeed it is a proud feeling knowing that you fought for your child

As for me I got my final child arrangement hearing start of July to sort out child arrangements - last hearing was in my favour!

Regards

Fathers do win ,custody is normally based on avaliblity and work hours normally the father works so makes more sense for children to stay with mother but think you have your freedom and you can enjoy yours kids just as much seeing them 3 days a week if not more as you enjoy the time more.
Paying 200 a month in child support Is the cheapest childcare you will ever have and you have money in your pocket now ,child arrangment orders for half xmas day and bdays so you dont miss the special moments yet on days off you can eat Ice cream out the tub

...I'm sure you didn't mean it the way MotherofaFather took it. It does feel a bit like winning when the battle back to your kids have been so hard fought.

As you point out and has been acknowledged by Slim, most dads work....even when dads are still at home, quite often they return home just in time to put the kids to bed! When a dad isn't resident the time they spend with them is more precious and becomes quality time that dad's and kids can get optimum enjoyment from.

We all have to make compromises in life, sometimes life just isn't fair, but if we can make the most of it then we can build special memories that will carry us through.

don't forget thay when dads have contact, the mothers don't -that's the sad fact in a relationship breakup, that everyone loses to some extent.