[Solved] Are there others like me?

Hi Yoda & actd

I wrote in my diary last week to discuss with my GP the possibility of either upping my meds, or changing to a different type as the low dose doesn't seem to have helped at all.

When I return to work in a week, I am on 4 weeks light duties, followed by 2 weeks of phased return before I'm back on the ambulance full-time (I work as a paramedic).

I did complete 6 sessions of counselling set up through work, which I felt helped, but I could have done with more sessions; something I might discuss when I'm back.

So, I have few things in place, but right now I just need to let go of what I have lost, be present and let the future take shape by itself without too much mindful thought.

Thanks guys

Hi Headspace,

a low dose antiD usually an SSRI is almost certainly not effective (neither is a particularly high dose for that matter). Citalopram is a gp favourite and usual dose is 20mg as higher the side effect can obviously increase and theres little evidence its any better clinically. Usually dose is 20-40mg. Sertraline 100mg-200mg.

GPs often start a dose lower due to the initial side effects can be harsh and people stop taking. Plus theres always the placebo effect.

Id certainly go back and discuss a rise to a therapeutic dose that can take 2-6 weeks. Usually told 4 weeks.

sometimes people need this in order to be in a position to engage with therapy. Dont underestimate the context of your situation. Speak to the GP about an IAPT referral if your local area doesn't do self referrals. Check that out first though. Also ensure you seek regular occupational health appointments to review your capability to be in work plus any potential consequences are less severe as youve been open and honest.

for me it was following getting a home I felt the most down followed by the ending of court. There is light. Keep talking. If you need a phone off day on a non daughter day. Take it. Embrace it and certainly dont feel guilty. When you're feeling OK embrace that too and dont feel guilty for the difference, its completely normal. Feel what you feel don't get consumed in "shoulds" and "musts" furthermore on that note, please be mindful of advice from those in a priviledge position as although probably well meaning, it can be hideous naive full of categoricals such as "she can't" "the wont" "no way" which just fuel the opposite of resolution.

Hi friends

I have not posted on the open forum for a couple of weeks, but I do regularly read others posts to keep up with threads.
Three and a half months since separating, I have gone through all the emotions that you could experience and reading other members experiences have helped me to understand how I've been feeling.

Emotionally, it has been a roller coaster which I have mostly dealt with on my own because that is where I feel more comfortable. I have sought help through counselling, this forum, the Samaritans and the occasional chat with family members, so I have not completely isolated myself this time around.

At present, I have twice weekly contact with my daughter and my wife and I are amicable. We had tried to be friends but it simply did not work and we began to get emotional and angry.
We are now communicating strictly regarding the house (she's stayed in the marital home) and for our daughter only. We are civil and polite and that's just it.
She has no feelings and has admitted that she is over me.
I have found it quite difficult recently because she has embraced a newfound social life and is on dating sites.
I know it was a hurdle that I had to cross, but it still hurts that the woman you loved for 12 years, doesn't want you and is seeking another mate. I guess time will help with acceptance.

I have found a nice little 2 bed bungalow to rent that I will be moving into in January. I am partly looking forward to having my own place and also very scared as I have only ever lived by myself for 3 months! Still, it's an opportunity to find myself and take my time to start all over again on my own.

I feel that I am slowly moving forward; I am still sad most days and I will get the odd day where I won't leave my bed and feel just so depressed, but I am comforting myself with hard truths and the fact that you do recover some normality in your life.
I still find it hard accepting that my wife and I will be in different relationships and not together in the life that we had worked so hard to build, but again, the old saying that "you're not the first and won't be the last to go through this" is an old cliche, but works for me.
I keep telling myself that there are no guarantees in life and life is not fair, which, when you think that you are happy doesn't ring true until this happens to you and you appreciate its validity.

I am still taking baby steps every day and seeking solace in the small things that make me happy, such as reading, walking and meditating.
It's still a long road and I need to be patient but with time I will get there, with some emotional scars no doubt as this has been the most frightening, emotional and saddest time of my life so far.

Headspace

Hi there

Baby steps are good...but you have achieved a fair amount and I'm sure the move will work for you, even though it must seem a daunting step right now.

Life breaks us all at times, but afterwards we are stronger in the broken places.... an Ernest Hemingway quote thatspeaks sense to me.

All the best and keep on keeping on.

Hi Mojo

Thank you for the Hemminingway quote, it does ring true.

I relied on my wife to make me happy and as I don't have any friends outside of work, she became my best friend and confidant too, so I have become fearful of the fear of relying on myself to find happiness.
I have to take a massive step in my life still win the sadness of losing my old life which I felt so safe in.

I am nervous about the future and cannot think too far ahead as I am still licking my wounds.
I have ticked off some of my fears that I had since the separation, such as: returning to work and getting a place to live, so I am taking those things as positive steps.

Headspace

Morning friends

I felt I needed to share this morning as for the first time in a month I awoke with overwhelming feelings of emotion and depression.
My mind is running at 100 miles an hour as I cannot stop thinking about my ex wife dating and my move to a rented home in 3 weeks!
I know that I'll settle when I get to work and when I come home later and relax on my bed (in my sisters spare room) where I can read a novel, but this morning is just so horrible!

Have others had a period where they feel that they're starting to move on, then unexpectedly wake up feeling like your emotions are back to square one?
I'd love to hear others experiences, just to let me know that I am not going crazy!!

Headspace

Hello Headspace,

You are definitely NOT going crazy!!!

When we set ourselves a sensible pace to make steady progress at a traumatic time in our lives as you have, a sudden piece of unwanted news brings overwhelming emotions to the fore which is invariable followed by depression. Our emotions go up and down quite dramatically as this is a natural part of learning to accept a situation. Eventually the highs and lows level out as the healing progresses.

Do not let your mind be consumed with imaginings or be unduly "thrown" by the horrible feelings they evoke. Return to your coping strategies and the diversions you have. Be patient with these unpleasant feelings and let them float away. Remember, tomorrow is another day.

Your definatley not alone but time is a great healer enjoy what you can control wich Is special times with your daughter and develop a friendship with your ex wife,this will be tricky at first as your emotions will be all over the place but it really does get alot easier as time flys past.

Best ways I found was to exercise find new goals,set goals you want to achieve for your daughter,take a vacation,you just find a new confidence you may find someone new your wife may come running back it's what normally happens when your happy and everything's going well

Focus on you and your daughter only nothing else matters when the smoke clears

Agree with everything that has been said above. You might not feel like it, but you have achieved a lot in a short space of time. A new place will be a fresh start and should help you settle. It's perfectly normal to be on a bit of a roller coaster with your emotions - most of us on the forum have been there - it takes time.

Did you see the GP and increase the dose of meds you are taking?

Hi Yoda

Yes, I saw my GP and increased my meds last week so I'll see how that goes.
The advice I read based on my last post was exactly right and I am working towards getting stronger emotionally so that I can focus just on me and my daughter.
The move to a new place is both daunting and exciting and it might just be the confidence booster that I need.

Today was another very emotional and low day, which I nearly quit work and went home, but stuck it out.
When I got home, I was literally shaking with anxiety, which soon went after a good meal from my sister and a chat at the dinner table. Following a face time with my daughter, I felt a lot better.

Thank you all for being there

Headspace

Just remember, there will be lows, but they will get fewer and further between. There will also be some highs, take my word for it, and you have those yet to come.

If you are still suffering with anxiety or panic attack type symptoms I would speak with your GP about that. I know that people are sometimes prescribed other things along side the anti depressants that can help with those, are short acting and don't stay in your system.

It will be a roller coaster for you though and anxiety can be overwhelming when it hits, only you can tell if you need to go back to the GP but don't feel like you have to suffer.

I have experienced anxiety in the past and was lucky to have a very patient GP who tried lots of different things to get it under control.